Does this guy have every right to be annoyed with me after this text?

I went on two dates with this guy (he's a teacher) I'd been speaking too online. The last date, we spent the day together and we did end up sleeping together and staying over at his. I do realise this was a little soon, and I agree, it was. But nothing I can do. Anyway, we still kept in touch by text. Sometimes he would want to talk about what he liked when we slept together and what he'd like to do to me, but I I simply said I wasn't one for this kind of chat. (this is only half- true... I only do that when I'm 100% comfortable with someone.)

Anyway, he asked me to go for a drink last Thursday, but then bailed out on the same day saying he was too ill. I said I was disappointed, and expressed that he should have told me the day before to give a bit of notice. He apologized, and kept explaining he had a lot on with work, his illness and he was broke (he had to pay for a new boiler last weekend) and he should be okay in a week or so. I gave him another chance.

So, a weekend passes. I tell my friend about the situation and she says he's a time waster. We have a few drinks, and I text him this:

"Hey, hope all is good. I know you have a lot on, but I think it's best to call it a day. I get a sense that dating me, and in general, isn't a priority right now and I don't want waste my time. I wish you all the best."

He texts me back straight away: "What? Are you serious? I've already told you I had stuff going on. I want to see you but if that's your decision then okay. Fine. " So, yeh. Why did he react that way? He never gave me a single indication he was fully invested in setting up another date. He told me he went out with friends over the weekend to a game (they'd already paid for the tickets apparently), and has played sport last week, so i think he's just spouted a load of BS excuses.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Wow, way too soon to demand his time and attention like that. You must really like him, or feel vulnerable. Your friend does NOT know what she is doing if she approved of you sending that text. I get the direct approach had the best intentions, but did you consider his point of view? How would you feel receiving a text out of nowhere like that?

    Anyway, there is still a chance to save this. Let him know that you don't normally do things like that (I really hope you don't!) and that you just really wanted to see him. Set up a date so you can make it up to him in person. He will like that.

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    • No I agree. I don't usually ever be so direct, but I feel vulnerable and I've had my time wasted by the men I dated last year (sometimes for months) for them to lead me on. I'm always too nice, and now I know what I want and have expectations. I guess I just saw the fact it's been more than 2 weeks since I last saw him and he bailed on me, I just saw that as him not being interested. I'll take your advice and send a message similar to what you've said and see what he says.

    • I hope that he sees your point of view too, having your time wasted is one of the things I hate most! Definitely let him know that in a less demanding way. Any guy that will be worth your time will be understanding of the situation.

What Girls Said 2

  • Why bother text him that?
    2 dates, a few drinks with a friend, courage blow up and then text blow up.
    Learn your lesson: If you want to date a man, and he says his busy with stuff, leave it alone and let him make the effort, and if he doesn't, don't get drunk and then text him shit. Men come forward and then leave it for a while and only keep coming forward once they are certain.
    In his mind, he told you what was going on but you were in a rush.
    What was the rush?

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    • Thanks, I don't think the message was right. My rush? Well, he bailed once and it's been over two weeks since i last saw him. If he wants to date me, at least give some indication or plan on when he wants to see me next. I don't want to wait around for weeks at a time whilst he gets stuff together. I must admit, I do feel vulnerable after sleeping with him, so him initiating another date will show that he's interested in dating me. I would make it too easy for him if I suggested anything.

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    • Yeah you're right. The message was too pushy. Lesson learned.

    • I agree with what she said, most men wait and only move forward when certain of the girl's interest.

  • I think you overreacted sending him that. You've just started dating him. It's not at that serious stage yet. It takes time before someone will make you priority in their life. You both need to earn that privilege.

    I'd never make a guy priority until I'd been seeing him for a while

    He's upset because he obviously genuinely likes you. He's just not at that stage of... putting you first , but that shouldn't be expected because he doesn't fully know where he stands with you either. Now he does. You've ended it so quickly , instead of talking to him first. So he'll be thankful he didn't make time for you considering you're ending it on a whim.

    If a guy texted me that I'd be thankful I didn't invest so much time in him, because he obviously wasn't all that into me... if he'd end it so easily

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    • Hi. Thanks for your opinion. I understand where you're coming from; I'm not asking him to put me above everything else, it's just if you want to see/date someone you will at least make an effort and give some indication when you can see them next. In the time scale from our second date (2 weeks) and with him bailing on me, he seemed only half-hearted in his interest. I would like to continue dating him and getting to know him more (before doing anything physical again) but he has to pursue interest. I know we slept together, but for me that doesn't change things when courting someone... I like to know the guy is fully interested in dating me. I have a guard up at the moment. I've always let myself be walked over, so that was probably why I went to the extreme and sent that message.

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