Intimidated by men who make more money. Do men really care?

So I've started seeing this guy. He's fun, charming & I feel like a Princess when I'm w/ him because he's so attentive, polite, holds doors & let's be honest, is GREAT in bed. However, he's loaded. I know dating a wealthy guy is a very first world problem but for me it's intimidating & exhausting. I don't make that much but I make a decent enough salary. Every guy I've dated has made either just a LITTLE more, the same amount or slightly less than I do. However, this guy makes WAY more. Like $110K more. He lives in a $700k home (I Googled the address) drives a nice car, picks up bar tabs I'd need to take a loan out to pay myself. I've never been attracted to men with money... usually quite the opposite. I've always been well aware of my socio-economic status, and as shallow as it sounds I usually try to date someone on or around the same level. I didn't know this man was wealthy until I went back to his place after a few dates and almost fainted when I saw how big it was. I immediately shut down. Couldn't enjoy sex that night. I can't enjoy him like I first did anymore because I feel like the broke loser he feels sorry for (even though he's NEVER said/done anything to make me feel that way, he's a perfect gentleman.) I'm used to being self-sufficient, & independent, & quite frankly, the dominant one in a relationship. I'm definitely NOT dominant with him, not just financially speaking... but because of the anxiety I've created for myself, my confidence shut down, too. So, I've lost my feeling of dominance & self-assurance. Nothing shuts me down more than my own anxiety of feeling like someone pities me. For example, I now beg to let him let me pay for my own meals because it feels uncomfortable. Like I'm letting my own pride get in the way.

Guys: is it legit to feel this way? Do guys REALLY care if she makes WAY less than you do... as long as she's at least gainfully employed?

Girls: do any of you feel this way? Or have felt this way? Or have any of your own advice?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You are way overthinking this. The only thing that matters is if you are a gold digger. You are not!, not even close. He has money and you don't have as much. That is all it is. He wants to date you and you want to date. You do not lose the fact that you are self supporting and independent. Most like it, those are things he likes in his women. Having money does not make him better than you. It simply means he has more. Get past your status issues. It has nothing to do with this. All that matters is... do you like him and does he like you. I think you have that covered. What he has doesn't make him the man he is. He actually sound like a great catch. Don't deny yourself of finding what so many other women wish they had. I mean a good man, not a man with money.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Okay, so I get where you are coming from. At one point, I earned a six figure salary and was the primary breadwinner in my home. Now, I stay home with the kids and my husband earns well beyond what I ever could have earned. When I was the breadwinner, I could tell it made him uncomfortable at times. Especially when guys would brag about giving their families a certain lifestyle. Now that he is the breadwinner, I often feel like I should be doing more. In both sets of circumstances, we loved each other and have had a great relationship. I am now working on realizing that I am capable and I don't need to be ashamed of my husband giving me a great lifestyle. My suggestion would be to try to understand that this is probably the position he has been in with most women he has dated. Feel confident that you are able to earn a living for yourself, even if it is more modest than his. Oh, and enjoy being spoiled... it definitely has its perks!

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What Guys Said 17

  • Okay this comes from a guy who cares about money. A lot.

    You don't have to worry about not making enough money to be in the same class as he does. He doesn't care about how much you make. What he cares about is how you continue to struggle and not give up your way of life despite your financial difficulties. You assert yourself because of your pride.

    Those traits make you interesting.

    What you need to do is not to fight him to pay for the meals and the gifts but rather be cool and laid back about it. Enjoy the meals and the perks but be prepared for his advances.

    You need to pound in self confidence. You are independent. You are struggling with your finances but you can handle it on your own. Given enough time. If he wants to help, let him do so, but he doesn't have to because you will get it right sooner or later anyways.

    Take the help if it is offered but always remind yourself: you don't need the help. You don't have an obligation to repay it because you don't actually need it.

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  • You described it perfectly. We don't care if she makes way less, as long as she is employed, that shows character more than any amount of money she earns.

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  • I think no decent person in general wants to feel like a freeloader, sometimes making less makes you feel that way. As long as you make enough to support yourself, it shouldn't matter. A guy will naturally want to spoil a girl.

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  • Well, in the end, it is your personality, not the money. Money and physical luxury is merely a means of reaching somewhere you like to reach. I do not think you need to get impressed by how much he spent for you but rather how much he cared when you show you are being embarrassed by his refusal to pay when you want to. When you first met, you were the dominant person. It changed when you discovered his wealthy possessions. That way he already lost the person he had met and loved. Did you find in him an expression of feeling of that loss by way of his interactions either in body language or looks or speech? Find a way to talk it over. Probably he too has noticed it and may have been normal for him if he had found similar observations with other people. However, your relationship is different than other social contacts. May be it is just a feeling within you. You must not allow the wealthy lifestyle to come in the way of a personal relationship that is knitted with the fibre of love, trust, care, mutual sensitivity, harmony in thoughts and feelings. The wealth can be lost in no time. Not the love and bond built on care and compassion.

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  • Guys generally don't care. So long as you're doing something with your life, and not living it through him and his means. As long as he's never held income difference above your head, I wouldn't sweat it.

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  • AHHHHH!!! Sentence structure!! WHY the block of text?

    I refuse to read this, but based on your question men don't care how much money women make. If you want a real response please write like an adult.

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  • No, you need not feel this way. Most guys who make a high wage just feel fortunate. We don't judge people who are paid less. We just want amiable company. Your guy doesn't feel sorry for you, he's just happy to have you to share his good fortune.

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  • We like when she makes less. The one with money dictates the relationship.
    Also, women should not dictate a relationship.

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  • Why did you say let's be honest? Were you not honest beforehand?

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  • You're not his first nor his last...

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  • You can have your "feeling of dominance & self-assurance" but that will destroy your relationship. We honestly don't give a damn about your stupid career.

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  • We dont care UNLESS we see you're taking advantage of us.

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  • I'd be fine if she had never had a job in her life if I could afford enough for both of us.

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  • Most girls I date don't have shit.

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  • I would have a bit of a problem if the woman earned more because it's a little intimidating as guys are supposed to be the more dominant and provide for their family but as long as she didn't flaunt it I wouldn't mind too much

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  • You are WAY to materialistic. you are letting your socioeconomic value get in the way of your feelings and you said it sounded shallow to think like that but honestly, it really is. The only time you should be truly concerned is when you want to take things to the next step with someone who makes no income but besides that, if a person works and makes some type of income it doesn't matter to me if that person is at a lower point of their life, as I wouldn't like if for someone to reject me based on my social class. If you like someone you like them, no matter their income and from the way you describe this guy he sounds the same and would probably change your outlook on the way you see things. Think of it from your position, someone who makes less than you likes you and you like them back, would you really let that get in the way?

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  • That's a first, never heard of this before, no guy would think you're a loser for that, we usually want to be the one that makes more

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What Girls Said 4

  • Wow girl, that's all in your head. Insecurity, judgmental of people in different "classes" and stuff.

    Like, get past your own prejudices toward rich people and get past your insecurity. He isn't judging you cuz you have less money; he's spending time with you cuz he likes you. You aren't any less independent today than you were yesterday.

    And girls care about class and stuff WAAAY more than guys like, most guys only care if you're kinda pretty and nice and fun to be with. And like, some guys honestly get a boner buying stuff for girls, like it's a badge of honor or something. I don't understand that, but he's probably not thinking about how much money you have at all.

    So like, chill out and enjoy being with him. You liked him a lot before, and his behavior hasn't changed, just your own view of the world is getting challenged. So enjoy having a nice boyfriend and forget about his money and stuff :)

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  • nah. it never bothers me if the guy is loaded or not. as long as he's kind and good in bed then all is well. you're sabotaging your own happiness. stop poisoning your own mind. he's dating you and picks up the tabs because he likes you and not because he pities you. And you beg him to pay for your own meal is not cool. Get it together

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  • I don't think anyone cares. I don't really care if my man makes more or less than I. I care if he will be a good husband to me and a great father to my future children.

    Money will always be made and spent, character takes time to build. Don't get wrapped up in the materialistic side of it. Love and value him for who he is, not what he has, and he will appreciate & reciprocate. 😉 Good luck.

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  • I definitely get intimidated by rich guys but in person I have dated or slept with ballers and had no problem... never with a huge house i've been in though. I get what you're saying, i felt incompetent around them. I have an avg salary and used to date avg/less than avg guys because I felt comfortable around them but now I hate it and want above avg and would take baller status.

    You might get used to it. You can always dominate in bed or plan outings and surprise him with gifts. Think of how easy life would be. Women would kill for a gent like that, if you leave him, another girl would gladly take your place. Stay independent and have your own life, that would make him appear less dominant.

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    • I thought girls like dominant guys and "manly" men? Wealth is a part of being "manly" these days. Like it or get the eff out.

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    • It depends, why?

    • @batesis just curious

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