So I've started seeing this guy. He's fun, charming & I feel like a Princess when I'm w/ him because he's so attentive, polite, holds doors & let's be honest, is GREAT in bed. However, he's loaded. I know dating a wealthy guy is a very first world problem but for me it's intimidating & exhausting. I don't make that much but I make a decent enough salary. Every guy I've dated has made either just a LITTLE more, the same amount or slightly less than I do. However, this guy makes WAY more. Like $110K more. He lives in a $700k home (I Googled the address) drives a nice car, picks up bar tabs I'd need to take a loan out to pay myself. I've never been attracted to men with money... usually quite the opposite. I've always been well aware of my socio-economic status, and as shallow as it sounds I usually try to date someone on or around the same level. I didn't know this man was wealthy until I went back to his place after a few dates and almost fainted when I saw how big it was. I immediately shut down. Couldn't enjoy sex that night. I can't enjoy him like I first did anymore because I feel like the broke loser he feels sorry for (even though he's NEVER said/done anything to make me feel that way, he's a perfect gentleman.) I'm used to being self-sufficient, & independent, & quite frankly, the dominant one in a relationship. I'm definitely NOT dominant with him, not just financially speaking... but because of the anxiety I've created for myself, my confidence shut down, too. So, I've lost my feeling of dominance & self-assurance. Nothing shuts me down more than my own anxiety of feeling like someone pities me. For example, I now beg to let him let me pay for my own meals because it feels uncomfortable. Like I'm letting my own pride get in the way.
Guys: is it legit to feel this way? Do guys REALLY care if she makes WAY less than you do... as long as she's at least gainfully employed?
Girls: do any of you feel this way? Or have felt this way? Or have any of your own advice?
Most Helpful Guy
You are way overthinking this. The only thing that matters is if you are a gold digger. You are not!, not even close. He has money and you don't have as much. That is all it is. He wants to date you and you want to date. You do not lose the fact that you are self supporting and independent. Most like it, those are things he likes in his women. Having money does not make him better than you. It simply means he has more. Get past your status issues. It has nothing to do with this. All that matters is... do you like him and does he like you. I think you have that covered. What he has doesn't make him the man he is. He actually sound like a great catch. Don't deny yourself of finding what so many other women wish they had. I mean a good man, not a man with money.4
Most Helpful Girl
Okay, so I get where you are coming from. At one point, I earned a six figure salary and was the primary breadwinner in my home. Now, I stay home with the kids and my husband earns well beyond what I ever could have earned. When I was the breadwinner, I could tell it made him uncomfortable at times. Especially when guys would brag about giving their families a certain lifestyle. Now that he is the breadwinner, I often feel like I should be doing more. In both sets of circumstances, we loved each other and have had a great relationship. I am now working on realizing that I am capable and I don't need to be ashamed of my husband giving me a great lifestyle. My suggestion would be to try to understand that this is probably the position he has been in with most women he has dated. Feel confident that you are able to earn a living for yourself, even if it is more modest than his. Oh, and enjoy being spoiled... it definitely has its perks!0