I feel like guys have ruined me?

Or maybe its just the way this century approaches relationships.

I used to be such a hopeless romantic. I was the girl in school that would plan her dream wedding, the girl that was waiting for her prince to come along, whisk her away and live happily ever after.

And then I grew up.

I'm 25. I have not had one good experience with guys. Every guy I've known has taken advantage of me, used me, physically or emotionally abused me, cheated on me, or left me after they got what they wanted.

And as much as it pains me to say, from all these experiences, I've become just like them... I've learnt to harden my heart. I've learnt to just meet my basic carnal needs and bail. I've given up on love. I just don't care anymore because I know the perfect guy doesn't exist.

I don't want to be like this, but I fear its just become part of who I am now. I want to be that hopeful little girl again.

So I guess two questions;
1. Has this happened to anyone else?
2 What happened to this generation and old fashioned dating?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Here's my take. I've been in a relationship for 27 years, now I'm single. I see that women these days have all of the power, the men have to grovel for attention, many are just after sex because some women these days just get to the sex and walk. So men go after that, women give it, and everyone leaves with an empty feeling and a bit more jaded than before. I've been single for four months, and am already sick of the way women treat men unless there's already an established knowledge of the other person. It just makes it hard to look for anything of substance because women just walk away because there's so many options.

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What Guys Said 11

  • First question: I use to feel this way I have dated a lot. I was looking for those relationships and many didn't have any basis for long term. Early on I didn't want it. Then pay back as I got older lol. I overlooked many qualities that i needed. The hard lesson is for some reason i thought anybody that dated or wanted a relationship with me was a god fit that I needed. I was wrong. Not just anybody would be the best choice.
    I needed to be true to myself and not sell out. I didn't notice or just plainly over looked all the early signs. I was basically selling out. This may have been what you done as well I don't know.
    What i found out later was there is that perfect person that will ruin your mindset you have now.
    Advice don't date anybody right now. Find a happiness of being by yourself and don't expect that just anybody who likes you is the one. Do not look for anybody we get too busy looking somewhere else for "THE ONE" when all along the crossed path you should have been on could have happened. Your paths will cross I guarantee it. Time is not running out so do not get discouraged.

    Second question: Yes your generation is cluttered with changing mindsets with gender identity referral when it comes to the role real men use to hold strong. Now it seems women need to make all the moves to get anything going. Not everybody of course, but fear seems to be running rampant among the boys of today. This is why nobody is working out for you yet. Another reason why you should get to know yourself and desires. For that perfect person that is being prepared for just you. Patience to the point of not caring if or when that special MAN will find you effortlessly. It will just happen just like a smooth breeze on a hot summer day.

    Erase everything you have learned and experienced by the past. Nobody needs that baggage to destroy what will truly be a blessing.

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  • actually it's not your fault.
    maybe you become like them.
    yes it's happen.
    i always observe things and try to find answer what's happening every where.

    at young age every girl as a dream like. but later they change.

    you are not wrong. things happen to you change you.

    it's like a flow. this the truth.
    a girl used me ( well I never sex or kiss with her or anyone ever. safe). i always wanted a princess and much. but.
    anyways Prince and princess are real.
    finding one is difficult. maybe people used you and much.. but do not lose your hope.
    hmmm...

    i seen and understand everything
    that's i am not looking for any relationship and don't want. if there is. good person then he or she will come by her/himself. all I have to do is wait.
    but instead of waiting people used to search the right person. but always met with wrong. and thinkng your start.

    this generation is not the problem...
    problem is the way of life we are living.

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  • 1. No, i don't date asshole girls. I'm assuming you're attracted to asshole men? You'll never date lonely Joe who works in the back office.

    2. Old fashioned dating is still there for people who have old fashioned values. People who form relationships through work/friends and actual interaction instead of Facebook and Tinder. You know why? Because you always got the measure of a person before ever asking them out on a date, so you would hardly ever get burnt.

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  • "1. Has this happened to anyone else?"
    I'm sure it has.

    "2 What happened to this generation and old fashioned dating?"
    People do not change. The things you speak about have been said by women of EVERY generation.
    It's even in Shakespeare (1500), it's been around.

    good luck with everything.

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  • The right guy will come
    Along and make you feel like that girl you once were IF YOU ALLOW yourself to be emotionally available. date more guys and keep your guard up. Have your friends there for support and advice. It's a sick world we live in. Fear is a powerful thing it will destroy a human being physically and mentally.

    try councelling. At least you are independent and don't need a man. You really need a woman's advice here cause a male doesn't truly understand. I'm just giving my opinion based on some experiences with troubled women I've had feeling for but had to let go of them because they don't love themselves.

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  • You tried to love like a fairytale and failed miserabley happeneds to a lot of people. You destroyed yourself, your only to blame no-one else. Don't give me that bullshit, you dated asshole guys. That's on you. Why did you date them then.

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  • this is normal experience everyone goes through

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  • I think it happens to a lot of men and women.

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  • What happened to this generation and old fashioned dating? Feminism, that's what. Feminism has destroyed gender relations and gender dynamics.

    Men and women don't care about each other, they don't trust each other, they don't respect each other. I don't see that changing any time soon.

    Thanks, feminism.

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  • "I used to be such a hopeless romantic. I was the girl in school that would plan her dream wedding, the girl that was waiting for her prince to come along, whisk her away and live happily ever after."

    Relationships aren't some fairy tale, it's hard and they take work. If you're stuck within your dreamlike fantasies then of course it would seem like every relationship you've been in, is a letdown. There won't be a prince charming but there is most likely going to be a diamond in the rough that has the potential of being great in the future so if all you're doing is waiting around then you'll never see that opportunity.

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  • Promiscuous girls are ruined

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What Girls Said 1

  • 1. I believe it has happened to plenty of people. It hasn't happened to me though, because I always had a negative opinion about relationships, but I am pretty sure that it has happened to other people.
    2. Things were not better in the past. We just have a nasty habit of idealizing the past without considering the negative aspects of it -which are a lot more than the perks of it-.

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