I'm 31, is a man of 51 too old for me to date?

What do you see as potential positives and negatives of having such a large age gap in a relationship?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • OK, so I'm an old geezer, too.
    I'm married, but if my wife died, I'd probably want a woman in her 30's.
    (I hope I'd never have to go through that.)

    From your side, I don't think he's too old especially if he takes care of his health. I know a couple of men who are 75 and they play tennis (and could probably beat me) and go traveling on frequent vacations. According to the actuarial tables he'll live about another 30 years and you'll live another 50 years. If he's in good shape he'll probably do better. I'd say a good 30+ years with someone is worth it, right?

    rcm1ah rudely said, "You are 31, not 18. You're not much of a young bird yourself." While I don't like his tone there is some truth to his point. Most men your age are probably looking for a woman in the 22-25 range. You're probably going to be approach by guys in their late 30's and early 40's at this point anyway. A lot of them might have baggage from previous marriages. A decent guy in his 50's may well be a better choice. An older guy is usually more mature and stable, but if he has "baggage", that should be considered a bigger factor than age.

    A guy in his fifties can still produce healthy children. The risk of abnormalities is about doubled.
    By the way, I don't think you're looking for a 'sugar daddy", but financial stability is a plus.
    Hope things work out however you decide.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • My parents have a 20 year age gap as well. Right now my dad's in his 70's and my sister and I feel so bad for my mom. My dad was always great but now that he's older he's so mean and so hard to take care of and my mom's stuck with him. It's sad to see as she should be able to live her life but it's as if her life is dedicated to being his personal caregiver.

    Honestly.. the only positives are the traits that made you fall in love with him, but after a few decades that man may totally morph into a stranger like what happened with my parents.

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    • Thanks so much for sharing. I have stopped seeing him now, although I liked him very much I knew it wasn't going to end well.

    • oh I'm sorry it didn't work out but at the same time I genuinely believe you did yourself a favor. Best of luck to you :)

What Guys Said 19

  • He's not too old... YET. Just know sooner then later you might be changing his diapers and helping him get around. Not exactly the old tradition of "growing old together" is it?

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    • He's pretty old if u ask me :(
      He could be her Dad.
      Those are just facts.
      As long her having to take care of him.. if he cares for his health hopefully things will never have to get to that point. He'll be strong until the very end :)

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    • There will always only be 20 years between us no matter how long we wait so he will never be old enough to be my grandfather

    • You do you boo... it's all good.

  • As long as you realize that he will be 71 when you are 51. Do you want to be stuck taking care of a man that age when you are that young. If that is something that doesn't bother you, there is nothing wrong with it as long as you have a lot in common are and have similar interests.

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    • I don't see that a 71 year old would necessarily need taking care of, my grandfather is 77 and my grandmother isn't having to take care of him yet, he's very agile and capable.

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    • Thank you

    • You're welcome!

  • Age is just a number it all depends how two people click together, as long as you're over 18 age is just a number. Good luck to you

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  • I'd say 20 years is too big of a gap. Not necessarily for any moral reasons, it's just you both grew up in two totally different times and I can't see you having much in common. But you are both consenting adults and if it works, it works

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  • yes its too old. but if you are happy with him, then dont care what anyone thinks.

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  • In a few years he'll be way too old while you're still vivid.

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  • Mel Gibson is 61 and he and his 26 year old girlfriend just had a baby.

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  • He might have medical problems later on in life and you might have to be his care taker.

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  • No, if your comfortable dating him.

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  • You are 31, not 18. You're not much of a young bird yourself.

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    • If I am young or old is not the point 20 years is stil a big difference

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    • Dude, read the question before you come with your dumb answers. If I'm dating him clearly I'm not being picky.

    • And if he's dating you he's clearly not being picky either.

  • Never too old.

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  • If you Both Happy together who cares. But will it last in the long run for example when He wants to Retire and you want to carry on working.

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  • If you like and feel good with him, he isn't old for you.

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  • If u are into older men and he is into younger women, who gives a shit.

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  • It really depends on the actual reason you like him.
    What do you like about him (HONESTLY)

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    • I feel you are suggesting there might be a financial reason 🙄

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    • @Salohcin22 you're very right, but that can be said for men of any age. And like you say, I am not that young, I left my teens behind a long time ago, I'm well educated, I have travelled a lot, I have my own business, my own home, I don't go out partying, so I don't think I can be considered immature either. But anyway, I asked the question so I have to accept people's opinions.

    • All I know is I can't wait to be 50yrs old. Maybe women who are 30 will like me. hahaah (kidding)!

  • positive well you like him
    negative is hell be at an age where he can no longer do things way before you and chances are hell die of old age before you and if you love him... ouch

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  • yes, i would say it's too big. older men o for younger girls for selfish reasons.

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  • you're asking this question which means you already thought that he is too old

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  • yes, too old

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What Girls Said 12

  • That is a major age gap. That is 20 years and I do not think that would be a wise decision for you to do. He is soon to be a senior citizen, and you want to date somebody who is old enough to be your parent. I'm not going to discourage you if that is your choice. I don't agree with it in the first place. Because my main concern with this is WHAT is his intentions with you and what are your intentions with him. You may have a sense of familiarity with him because you're getting older and he is already older, but it will not last in the long run if you don't have the necessary things in common. Especially if you two are looking to get into one for all the wrong reasons.

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  • When we're all deceased none of the petty things that matter in life, will matter then.
    I say if you're both happy with each other live your life.
    Personally, when I have a lot in common with someone rarely do I ever think of how much older/younger I am than that person.
    As long as no laws are being broken why don't you two kids just enjoy yourself ;)
    You only have one life.

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  • Its your life. You live it, breathe it, eat it, drink it, so your choice. If you're happy, you're happy regardless of stats.

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  • No not at all but I read somewhere that men in their 50 have a bigger chance in getting disabled children

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    • I didn't know that the men's age affected it but I know women of 35+ is a factor

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    • I do, hence why I'm freezing my eggs

    • But you have a higher chance getting handicapted children with this man

  • I think you're fine. Both legal adults, no need to feel weird about the gap:)

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  • Short term: nope.
    Long term: yes.

    An older spouse can soon become an old spouse needing cared for. When that happens, it's not uncommon for the younger spouse to move on, looking for the youth they've lost.

    Or

    The older spouse dies, leaving behind a widow (er). If it's been a reasonable length of relationship, the surviving spouse may find it difficult to find a new partner as has happened to a woman I know, now in her 60s.

    My view is that couples are meant to grow and experience different life stages together, not one playing the father/mother figure. I wouldn't want a partner who didn't share the same references or whose friends were as old as my parents. It robs the younger person of enjoying their youth and discovering things together.

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  • If you're both consenting adults then the only one who should decide who is "too old" is you ;)

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  • In general yes. Most of them are heading to the fossil age. If you want to date a good looking 51 yo, successful and strong minded, you better be sure you are at his calibre too.

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  • You're an adult, you do whatever you want, although the fact you're asking people you don't know to give an opinion on your love life is a big red flag here lol. Anyway, if you want it go for it, but remember in 5 years his dick goes limp and you'll have to deal lol

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  • Nope, I dated older men.

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  • no, you're old anyway too

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    • 31 is old? I feel sorry for you in 5+ years... you'll need a cane.

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    • @Stacyzee for real. Fully accept that I am no spring chicken but not old! Haha

    • Exactly!

      Wasn't born yesterday like those in 2000.
      Young but not super young.

  • I am 20 and I'm dating a 58 year old man. So far it has been great. The only thing you have to keep in mind is that he might not have the energy to keep up with you.

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