Got played / toyed with. Mixed: should I cut her loose, or try to be nice?

I recently relocated to my hometown area. My mom has a friend, who has a female family member about my age and in the same career as I have. I wanted some contacts in the area, so my mom forwarded my info to her friend, and her friend forwarded it to her family member. Anyway, the girl and I got in touch and seemed to hit it off immediately. We weren't really put in contact to date, it just worked out that way.

We had a couple of dates, called and texted almost daily, and things seemed to be getting a little spicy. When I asked her if she wanted to be my girl, she seemed a bit hesitant.

In her first explanation, I was willing to be calm and take things easy. She said her previous boyfriend died suddenly, and that she was a little mixed about getting into a relationship. Then she friend-zoned me.

In my last contact with her she said that she still had contact with an ex between her deceased boyfriend and me, and she wanted to work things out with him. About a week before she said she was interested in me and said I was her "ideal" guy. She never mentioned her ex still being in her life until then.

She mentioned other things going on in her life, and I believe that they're going on, and also showed me info about her deceased boyfriend, so I don't doubt her on those aspects. If it was just those aspects, I could be a little more understanding and a bit more calm. Then her ex suddenly gets mentioned and she wants to work things out with him.

My gut instinct is to cut her loose. I feel played and toyed with. Maybe if she had been more upfront and not seemed to lead me on earlier, I might have been ok with a "just friends" relationship, but this feels very backhanded.

Since I'm living in the area again for the first time in over 10 years, part of me hates to turn her away since having contacts is nice. But the way this one happened is agitating.

Am I missing something? Should I see things differently? Answers from anyone appreciated.
Update (1/2), if this helps: initially I did say I was ok with being friends, until she mentioned her ex being back in the picture. I was ok with it until then.

Also, she texted me a few days ago saying she wasn't going to be in work for a couple of days since she had a death in the family. I responded the following day by first saying that I was sorry about the loss, and second that I needed time to myself. Between the two texts she responded by saying thanks, and asking where I had been
Update (2/2): After my second response she just said, "ok," and then, "I need to go, talk to you later." I think she took a hint I wasn't very happy.


Most Helpful Guy

  • cut her loose man happened to me before not worth it

    • Yeah, that was my gut instinct. I just wanted some third-party feedback. Being home and away from my old friend crew I don't have as many avenues to vent the same way I used to.

    • i know that feeling its herd but I got to get through it some how

    • If you don't mind me asking: what happened in your case?

      Also, I cut her loose tonight. Happened via text since she reached out to me first and that was how we had contact. Haven't heard any response. A couple of new contacts at work told me to expect to hear from her eventually. Did that ever happen to you? It happened to me several years ago.

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