Getting boyfriend to put in more the effort?

Hi there.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over two years now. He used to put more effort into our relationship always asking me on dates and sending me notes when he was away in college. However, I noticed that he hasn't put in the effort into the relationship. The thing is he sent me a card saying that he was sorry for being a bad boyfriend but that he is going to do his best to change. I feel frustrated because I don't see any change but I understand that change takes time. However, I do want to talk to him because I don't think he realizes how upsetting his behavior is to me.
I need advice on how to approach him on this topic and why he might be acting this way.


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  • Talking to him is your best bet. I'd say plan an evening out for him, for the both of you. Like a picnic in the park type casual environment where you both can have time to talk openly, without tons of people being around. Even have dinner, and then go for a relaxing walk and address these things.

    Ask him about it. Mention you've noticed he seems occupied, or let him know you're feeling a bit neglected for a while and wanted to talk about things going on.
    Maybe he's been busy with work/school, or has a lot on his mind (could be family stuff, friend issues, maybe he's feeling differently about himself, or the relationship, it could be anything really).

    Listen and hear him out. Also, be sure to reassure him that you appreciate him wanting to change and that you're there for him too. Sometimes all it takes is that reminder that we have someone there for us, that may be his problem.

    On another note, a relationship is a two way street. You could always do like he did and send him a card with positive words on it, or wishing him a great day. You could plan lunch dates with him, or surprise him after work. Let him know he doesn't have to do all the planning, work, or sweet guestures in the relationship. He could be stressed about it, as from what you wrote it sounds like he's doubting himself an awful lot. He feels like he should change / improve for you, when maybe he doesn't need to.
    I hope you both have a talk and figure this out soon as possible. Relationships hit bumps in the road now and again, just take time to work through it and give one another time to get through what they need to. I hope things improve soon.
    Best wishes to you both!

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