How to cope with not being my boyfriends firsts?

I knew everything before going into the relationship cause i happen to be friends with his ex, but it kind of is just hitting me now that the only way i can be his first is through sex with him. He is my first for everything and i can't be his at all. I knee before but the weight of it is kind of just setting in. Like im only ever gonna he his second and he can always compare me to her (says he can't compare us cause we are completely different, i think thats bs), and he has felt everything that he has with me before with her. I know im being a bit unreasonable he having dated her for eleven months and dating me for four. It still is getting to me far more than i can handle. It only really set in after lunch with his ex today who is my friend and she started talking about oral and what it was like and her first time (him and hers both) and she posted a picture on instagram with hickey that he gave her.


0|0
25

Most Helpful Guy

  • Present and future, that's the key. The past doesn't matter if it doesn't matter to him.

    It's unrealistic to expect to be the "first" in terms of thoughts, at least. Even if you're with a virgin guy in your 20s, chances are that you aren't the first girl he wanted, the "first crush".

    I've had my share of partners before my wife and the difference is that once I fell in love with my wife, they didn't amount to much at all. I wouldn't miss the memories much if there was a way to wipe them out and only have memories of my wife.

    Dwelling on these things doesn't help at all. I know that's easier said than done, but try to adjust your frame of thought towards valuing the present and the future.

    0|0
    0|0
    • >> says he can't compare us cause we are completely different, i think thats bs

      How can you think that's BS if you've never had exes yourself? I didn't have a habit of comparing my girlfriends to exes. The only time where I did compare was one time when I was rebounding and formed a relationship immediately after a painful breakup. That didn't last long either since I was still obsessed over the ex and couldn't fall for the new girlfriend.

Most Helpful Girl

  • If you're not his first, be something else to him. The greatest, the best, the last, the sweetest, the most loving. First is a hard title to beat, but there's something special and unique in any relationship.

    0|0
    0|0

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • she's just trying to get in your head and make you jealous, it really isn't anything to be concerned about.

    I had dated this girl for 7-8 months on and off (mostly off) and when I met my girlfriend 3 years ago I knew she was different. I love her so much and I took her on her first date and first everything and we're still very much in love today.

    being each others first and only doesn't really matter in the long run if you love eachother. once you make it a few years you'll realize that love isn't gonna be that perfect fairy tale and that's okay :)

    you can't limit yourself to someone who's never been in a relationship or you might pass up on the love of your life.

    I really hope this helps! if you still aren't sure about the whole thing just talk to him about it. I really wish you two the best!
    -cheers

    0|0
    0|0
  • I was in your situation a few weeks ago where I was trying to cope with not being my girlfriend's first. I talked to some close friends and they helped me get over it and basically what they told me was "focus on the future. You weren't her first, but maybe you can be her last." and that helped a lot.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I feel you, my girl had her first kiss and relationship with some other dude. I think she wanted him in bed too 🤔 but they didn't do anything and still kinda did bother me. Then I realized I'm the GOAT and she's with me now loving me much more than anyone. So it's all good.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You are a little kid make a tree fort or something. You do not have the maturity to cope with adult stuff.

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 1

  • wait. why tf are you friends with your not friends ex?

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...