Dating for 2 months. Why doesn't he cuddle or spoon in bed?

Please help! So I've been seeing a guy for nearly 2 months. It had a bit of a rocky start; we slept together on the second date and we didn't see each other for about 3 weeks after. Anyway I stayed over at his after we had sex for the first time and he didn't once cuddle or spoon. He just rolled over and in the morning he just got up and dressed. I didn't think much of it, as it was the first time and I doubted anything further would happen between us.

We continued to text afterwards and some of his messages got more sexual. He would make jokes, or refer to what I did to him during sex.

Eventually, I said I wasn't interested anymore.

He asked why, and I just said "I'm getting the impression all you want is sex or FWB"

He was surprised I felt this way and replied "I'm not just after one thing and guys can enjoy sex and still be the good ones. And sexual innuendos are just my humor"

This put me at ease, and our communication has been better since. I've stayed over at his a few more times, we have great sex, but again there is no affection afterwards... even when sleeping next to each other. I'm so confused, because he's not afraid of being affectionate in public!

I'm definitely getting to know him better; he's very open about sex and as a person he's just as mad as me. We share the same humour which is good but I think he does put on a front sometimes and isn't as confident as he looks.

What's the best way to tell him about the cuddling/affection thing?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Tell him upfront what you want from him.. i am afraid you falling for him.. please don't do that unless you are too sure of what you are doing..

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    • I'm not falling for him... I like him but that's it, ... just confused by his behavior. It's odd compared to other guys I've been with.

    • Well.. i am sure you like him a lot.. and it has begun to affect you now.. that's why you are feeling heat.. You may want to talk him out.. bc else, it is going to keep you in more confusion..

Most Helpful Girl

  • Just outright tell him you like to cuddle after sex. My boyfriend is the same in that he's not really big into affection but he knows I like to have a little cuddle after sex and before bed or whatever because I've told him. It shouldn't be a big deal for him at all if you just tell him.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Just tell him. He can either be shy or he truly doesn't see the big deal. If you tell him, he will do it... that is if he cares.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I’d try to be up-front about it with him. Do try to make it clear that you’re not saying there’s anything inherently wrong with him or what he’s doing. Stress that this is something that you enjoy and would like to do with him. Try to avoid statements that emphasize what he “should” do or what he “needs to do.” Instead, focus on communicating that you enjoy it, and it makes you feel even happier if you cuddle a bit after sex.

    I’d also point out how you enjoy how affectionate he is at other times. Try to communicate it as something he does that you really like, indicating that you’d enjoy it after you’ve gotten “down and dirty” as well.

    I’d also look at why you think you’d enjoy it. Is it because most of your significant others have done that in the past? Does it make you feel more secure? You don’t necessarily have to tell him, but it would be something for you to know about yourself.

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    • *be something good for you to know about yourself

    • thanks that's good advice. As for myself... well other partners have done it yeah, they've had no problem. I've been with guys who don't do holding hands but like to cuddle and all that in bed. If it's just his nature then it's fine, I accept that. I can't force him but I hope he'll listen and understand/and respect where I'm coming from when I tell him I like it.

    • Glad to be of some help. =)

      I think you two should be okay. Talking to him about it should definitely help. He can’t read your mind, after all.

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