REALLY long and complicated story that's basically a romance movie out of freaking Hollywood:
Girl and guy hit it off like never before. Both admit to really liking one another right away and that they've never experienced stronger chemistry before. Girl had just gotten out of a relationship. After 2 weeks of dating girl freaks out and pulls back. 4 weeks go by and they have a real talk. She tells the guy that she has extremely strong feelings for him and that he's what she's been looking for. She wants her next relationship to be her last and I tick off all the boxes and some.
The problem is that she had just gotten out of a 3 year relationship 2 weeks prior to dating each other. She said that she hated the person she had become at the end of the relationship. She would run away when problems arose and cheat on him. She feels horrible for everything and thinks she's a terrible person for it. She knows she's not ready to date anyone because she's going to end up "fucking it all up". She doesn't want to fuck it all up especially with me because I'm who she's been looking for (she won't say it, but everything points to her starting to fall in love with me). She wants to take time for herself to figure out what her problem is and sort it out so her fears don't come true. She wants to reach out to me in the future when she gets all her ducks in order. Obviously I'm not going to wait for her but I told her if the circumstances are right I'd love that. We agreed to keep in touch, but I told her that the ball is in her court and I'm not going to be contacting her or chasing her unless she initiates, basically giving her space to come when she pleases. I can easily see myself falling deeply in love with this girl and in a way I think she's just really afraid of getting heartbroken again so she's pushing me away since she knows I have that power over her.
Anyone been through something similar or heard similar stories? I have a gut feeling that our story doesn't end here...
She's crazy about me but is not ready to date seriously?
REALLY long and complicated story that's basically a romance movie out of freaking Hollywood:
What Girls Said 11
It sounds like she has some issues she needs to sort through before jumping right back into another relationship. The last thing you want to be is a rebound. Another red flag for me is the fact that she said she would run off and cheat anytime problems arose. Clearly, she has some very unhealthy coping methods, which she may continue to employ in a new relationship unless she works to change them. Trust me when I say that BOTH people need to be in a healthy and solid place in order for a relationship to survive. My advice would be to pull back for now then maybe see what happens down the road as she starts to work out her issues. Above all, protect your heart. It is the most precious asset you own.2
Somewhat similar. He and his ex broke up after a 3 year relationship. I consider it his first real relationship since his high school girlfriend was emotionally manipulative, etc. I occasionally saw them around campus, they always seemed happy and she was his first. He didn't want to break up but she did. He has quite a few stuffed animals but he keeps all of them in a bag in a corner with the exception of a stuffed animal she gave him. When we started hanging out because we both moved to the same city after college, he would talk to me about how he isn't over her, etc.
We got along, we hit it off, we became friends with benefits except we got attached. I knew he might not be ready so I didn't push for a relationship, however I knew I wanted a relationship so I also told him I wasn't going to wait around. He thought about what he wanted and then we started dating. It was rocky, he said he was over her but I was worried that he wasn't. But after going out for a while, I've realized he is over her, he like me and is willing to make compromises for me. He goes out of his way to do things to make me happy. He only sees the stuffed animal as a stuffed animal that's soft and fluffy, for him it doesn't remind him of her, but he knows how I feel about it so when I go over, he removes it from his bed even though I didn't ask for it. I know if he had to save me or her that he would pick me. So it all worked out, so far at least.
If you happen to be currently willing to take a break, I think that's fine. She does need time to sort out her feelings and herself. She needs to find who she was before she became someone she didn't like. I think it's fair, she knows the ball is in her court and she has to initiate, chances are she will reach out once she's ready. Give her time, until then, live your life. Never put your life on hold for another person.0
I would say that it's okay to just believe in the connection and think it's true, you guys wouldn't be talking about it if it wasn't something vibrating. But it won't be worth waiting for and being empathetic about if it's not long term, and to really decide if you'd like long term with someone you need to spend the time to get to know them so I wouldn't see it as re-connecting for exactly a relationship, I'd take some steps back and reframe it as reconnecting to find out about the potential relationship. You sound really down to earth and have approached the situation well, trust yourself!1
That's just stupid1
she can be honest burt i think its strange. you're perfect but she's willing to lose you bc she wants to 'wait itd make more sense to just be together but tale things SLOW. what if you meet someone else. i dont think she's taking that seriously.
I've done what she's doing and i realize how immature it was.. a lot of people do it though. im not suggesting you push her. you can't. but im just commenting i think its too bad she has no good advice from anyone not involved.0
I hope it doesn't end there! Give her time, love and support. She will meet you in the end, if she is the right girl.0
To me she just sounds genuinely confused; don't automatically assume she's bullshitting you. In my experience, it's the ones who immediately jump into a new relationship that are bad news. This girl at least appears to have enough self-awareness to know that she's not really in the right place mentally to start something with you. I know it's disappointing but the ability to self-reflect and acknowledge ones truth is a sign of maturity. I'd say give her the benefit of the doubt and leave it at that. You don't have to wait around for her, but don't be mean or cold. Wish her well and move on, for the time being.0
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Run. That's all I can tell you!
This girl used to be in a relationship for 3 years, whatever she tells you, cheating or not, she isn't ready to date or fall in love. It will take months if not at least a year before she is ready to get into a relationship. And chances are, especially if she used to cheat in her past, that at some point she will get urges and sleep with the next best guy. You know, it won't be a relationship but she'll meet a guy and they will be friends with benefits for a while so she can later say I wasn't in a relationship... It wasn't real, I didn't feel appreciated and all the bs people in friends with benefits relationships say. And all this time you are making a fool of yourself waiting for her. Save yourself the sorrow and look for someone who hasn't come out of a long term relationship last week!
She'll only use you to get over her ex. If you don't want that get away from her and stop hanging out under the pretext of wanting to be friends!1
No story to tell. Good for you0
What Guys Said 14
sounds reasonable that she needs time. she was in a long relationship that just ended. in reality she probably isn't entirely over that relationship as getting beyond a relationship (consciously and subconsciously) can take a long time.
try to be patient. a three year relationship is a long time and it can take a long time to really feel ready to enter into a new relationship... and you should want her to be 100% (or as close as possible to it) ready to enter a new relationship1
you did the right thing, leaving it up to her whether you two continue to talk. give it time, but then again you never know. she might not be keeping it 100, or someone else might swoop in from left field. if she really wants you then neither of those things are relevant tho. just my opinion. timing can really make or break something like this in my experience. hopefully it works out for you two1
You've handled the situation beautifully. I understand having
snakes in your head from past relationships. They take time to get over.
You're telling her you won't wait is a very Alpha thing to do. BRAVO ! Finally
a man with backbone. I understand not wanting to get hurt again. So
many guys will whine, pine and wait for a woman to get her house in order, and
they never do. Invariably. She sounds like a neat girl who has been through
a lot. I get that. One caveat I must add, and it's hypothetical to be sure. What will you do if you're with a really hot, loving sweet girl and this Miss Right appears out of nowhere? Don't scoff, I've had it happen. I didn't dump the girl I
was with for the one who wasn't ready. I said something along the lines of, "You weren't ready when I was and I understand that. However, I'm
in a good relationship now and I won't leave her for you. It's just not in the cards for us". You're telling the truth and being a gentleman about it. This is my
I had just ended things with a girl that had broken up with me 4 times separate times as I always took her back (pathetic of me I know).
anyway, the breakup was super fresh when AI met the most amazing woman who has now been with me for 3 years and still counting. We immediately hit it off and agreed to keep talking as friends. Before too long I couldn't deny the feelings I had and we started dating and the rest is history.
I know that the girl you met is going through some stuff but I think that you two could definitely still remain friends and keep contact. However if she specifically requested some time to herself then you did the right thing :)
Good luck man!0
"She would run away when problems arose and cheat on him"
She is no good for anyone at all... And yes she is right! Like she said if a terrible person..
Do you want a girl who will cheat on your when problem arise? If I liked a girl and she tells me she cheats when problem arise I would think she is worthless and someone I would definitely drag away from...
Cheaters are cheaters... You shouldn't choose to be with someone who is a cheater...
I advice to stay away from her and never trust her even in future...0
She's being difficult... when she's difficult there's nothing you can do but just let her make her mind up over time1
like you said "shes crazy". The reply is: "are you crazy enough to love a crazy girl?"1
happens to the best of us0
She's not crazy. She maybe doesn't want to disappoint. Upgrade yourself. Impress.0
Seems complicated@€@€##, I think its better to leave this girl behind even though it hurts. If u go further with this chick its like auto mutulation, these kind of situations are giving a girl the chance to basically lean on u, but u deserve better then just someone who "leans" on u.1