She's crazy about me but is not ready to date seriously?

REALLY long and complicated story that's basically a romance movie out of freaking Hollywood:

Girl and guy hit it off like never before. Both admit to really liking one another right away and that they've never experienced stronger chemistry before. Girl had just gotten out of a relationship. After 2 weeks of dating girl freaks out and pulls back. 4 weeks go by and they have a real talk. She tells the guy that she has extremely strong feelings for him and that he's what she's been looking for. She wants her next relationship to be her last and I tick off all the boxes and some.
The problem is that she had just gotten out of a 3 year relationship 2 weeks prior to dating each other. She said that she hated the person she had become at the end of the relationship. She would run away when problems arose and cheat on him. She feels horrible for everything and thinks she's a terrible person for it. She knows she's not ready to date anyone because she's going to end up "fucking it all up". She doesn't want to fuck it all up especially with me because I'm who she's been looking for (she won't say it, but everything points to her starting to fall in love with me). She wants to take time for herself to figure out what her problem is and sort it out so her fears don't come true. She wants to reach out to me in the future when she gets all her ducks in order. Obviously I'm not going to wait for her but I told her if the circumstances are right I'd love that. We agreed to keep in touch, but I told her that the ball is in her court and I'm not going to be contacting her or chasing her unless she initiates, basically giving her space to come when she pleases. I can easily see myself falling deeply in love with this girl and in a way I think she's just really afraid of getting heartbroken again so she's pushing me away since she knows I have that power over her.

Anyone been through something similar or heard similar stories? I have a gut feeling that our story doesn't end here...

Updates:
would love some advice if I haven't handled the situation better.
The more I think about it the more pessimistic I am about this and the more full of shit I think she is. If she really feels the way she's led me to believe about me I just don't see how she'd want to completely cross me off. I told her we could take a step back and take it slow, but she said she wouldn't be able to go slow with me. It's just not adding up. I deleted her number, if what she says is really true then I'll find out in the future, as far as I'm concerned, she's not interested.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • "Girl had just gotten out of a relationship"
    Honestly, you should probably run away. Odds are that she is not over her ex yet and she is trying to get over him by fucking other people/getting involved with others.

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    • That's what I was afraid of and honestly our communication is very on point. We're both very good at being honest with each other and conveying our feelings. She's told me that she doesn't fuck people she's not interested in or does rebounds. She has been very open about her feelings towards me and how affectionate she is and her body language all point to extreme attraction. I've never had a girl show this level of attraction/interest towards me, not even in relationships. We've touched on her ex a few times and she's over him but not over the relationship if that makes sense. I have run away as well in a sense. I'm never going to chase this girl, if what she's saying is all true then there's a good chance she'll come back when she's ready, if not, oh well I lost someone I never had. To me, it's obvious that she sees me as settle down material. She's told me that she's never had stronger instant chemistry with anyone before, respects the hell out of me, is very attracted to me, and

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    • Are you eager to wait for her or are you thinking about moving on?

    • Well luckily for her I actually want to take a break from dating for a bit. These past 6 months have been very tough on me and I need some time for myself to concentrate on my health and studies. I have a major exam coming up towards the end of this year which basically decides my future. So yea, I have so much on my plate right now that some independence will be good for me. However, once I move in a year I plan on seriously looking for a girl to settle with. I've told her exactly what I just wrote here. She's told me she hopes she figures her shit out asap because I'm going to get snatched up really quickly. I would love it if she came back and if she did I would make it clear that it will be her only chance and that she should only date me if she's ready to make a real effort otherwise it's best to wait until she's ready to make that commitment.

Most Helpful Guy

  • She's crazy about me but is not ready to date seriously? Married women are crazy about the TV show the Bachelor.. did you know that? Common theme here.. . neither the married chick or this chick are really available.

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    • so you think she's still hung up on her ex or sleeping with him? She broke it off with him and had told me that she had mentally checked out 6 months ago. She's admitted that they do keep in contact every now and then and that she's seen him a few times when he's come to get his things from her place (they lived together). He's moving far away in a few weeks though which is fucking great for me. Yea, everything I said is spot on. I swear to you she's shown a REALLY high level of interest, I'm not crazy or anything although at this point I feel like I am because this just isn't adding up and I feel so strung along. I've been in relationships before, have had flings, dates, friends with benefits and I've never had a girl show this much interest in me from what she says and does when she's around me, but ONLY when we're together. Our last "date" was meeting for a "talk" and after the talk which was about 45min she wanted to have a last hurah date and we had an absolute blast. We didn't sleep

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    • No I'm notnok with that at all especially since we talked about it and she's expressed that it's not the case at all and that she's genuinely interested in me and has feelings for me. Lets be real here who the fuck knows though.

    • No kidding... good luck bro

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 11

  • It sounds like she has some issues she needs to sort through before jumping right back into another relationship. The last thing you want to be is a rebound. Another red flag for me is the fact that she said she would run off and cheat anytime problems arose. Clearly, she has some very unhealthy coping methods, which she may continue to employ in a new relationship unless she works to change them. Trust me when I say that BOTH people need to be in a healthy and solid place in order for a relationship to survive. My advice would be to pull back for now then maybe see what happens down the road as she starts to work out her issues. Above all, protect your heart. It is the most precious asset you own.

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  • Somewhat similar. He and his ex broke up after a 3 year relationship. I consider it his first real relationship since his high school girlfriend was emotionally manipulative, etc. I occasionally saw them around campus, they always seemed happy and she was his first. He didn't want to break up but she did. He has quite a few stuffed animals but he keeps all of them in a bag in a corner with the exception of a stuffed animal she gave him. When we started hanging out because we both moved to the same city after college, he would talk to me about how he isn't over her, etc.

    We got along, we hit it off, we became friends with benefits except we got attached. I knew he might not be ready so I didn't push for a relationship, however I knew I wanted a relationship so I also told him I wasn't going to wait around. He thought about what he wanted and then we started dating. It was rocky, he said he was over her but I was worried that he wasn't. But after going out for a while, I've realized he is over her, he like me and is willing to make compromises for me. He goes out of his way to do things to make me happy. He only sees the stuffed animal as a stuffed animal that's soft and fluffy, for him it doesn't remind him of her, but he knows how I feel about it so when I go over, he removes it from his bed even though I didn't ask for it. I know if he had to save me or her that he would pick me. So it all worked out, so far at least.

    If you happen to be currently willing to take a break, I think that's fine. She does need time to sort out her feelings and herself. She needs to find who she was before she became someone she didn't like. I think it's fair, she knows the ball is in her court and she has to initiate, chances are she will reach out once she's ready. Give her time, until then, live your life. Never put your life on hold for another person.

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  • I would say that it's okay to just believe in the connection and think it's true, you guys wouldn't be talking about it if it wasn't something vibrating. But it won't be worth waiting for and being empathetic about if it's not long term, and to really decide if you'd like long term with someone you need to spend the time to get to know them so I wouldn't see it as re-connecting for exactly a relationship, I'd take some steps back and reframe it as reconnecting to find out about the potential relationship. You sound really down to earth and have approached the situation well, trust yourself!

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  • That's just stupid

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  • she can be honest burt i think its strange. you're perfect but she's willing to lose you bc she wants to 'wait itd make more sense to just be together but tale things SLOW. what if you meet someone else. i dont think she's taking that seriously.

    I've done what she's doing and i realize how immature it was.. a lot of people do it though. im not suggesting you push her. you can't. but im just commenting i think its too bad she has no good advice from anyone not involved.

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    • She was talkig about this because I told her I'm going to date other girls. She said a guy like you gets snatched up really quickly and she's right. I know my worth, I can find a new girl to date whenever I want.

    • Which is how I think it's odd she can want you so much yet let it go so simply.

  • This sounds like bullshit to me. She sounds like she's either feeding you this rubbish to keep you hanging on or she's legit crazy. And you don't want either realistically!

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    • exactly, that's what I've figured. Fuck that and all her mixed signals. There's so many high quality women out there, I'm not wasting my time with a girl who isn't interested in giving me a fair shot.

    • Exactly. If someone's not ready to date they don't let it get this far and play games. They're simply not ready.

  • I hope it doesn't end there! Give her time, love and support. She will meet you in the end, if she is the right girl.

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    • Maybe when you said that you both need to take a step back and to take it slow, maybe she thought that you just wanted to be friends or something. She probably ended up feeling rejected. So what's confuses you the most.. the lack of sex? Women can be really interested in a guy, but want to get to know him first (get to know him personally) before sex. In fact, it is usually recommended, as sex clouds things. You become so focused on each other's bodies, that you don't take the time to really get to know each other on an emotional level. ( likes/ dislikes, etc)

  • Waste of time dude

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    • True but any girl I date will be a waste of time considering I'm moving to a new country in like 7 months

    • How about you don't date anyone for 7 months and just find a girl in the new country?

  • To me she just sounds genuinely confused; don't automatically assume she's bullshitting you. In my experience, it's the ones who immediately jump into a new relationship that are bad news. This girl at least appears to have enough self-awareness to know that she's not really in the right place mentally to start something with you. I know it's disappointing but the ability to self-reflect and acknowledge ones truth is a sign of maturity. I'd say give her the benefit of the doubt and leave it at that. You don't have to wait around for her, but don't be mean or cold. Wish her well and move on, for the time being.

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    • I keep going back and forth but now I'm pretty sure she's just bsing and really was just into me because she was really attracted to me, basically she was in love with the idea of being with me. I've been very respectful towards her and have cut all ties with her as well so if she wants to give this a fair try she'll have to reach out first and make the effort, I've done my part and some, I really really like her but I'm not that desperate to let myself be walked all over, what would that say about me? I think about the little things she's said and it points to deep down inside she's not interested. For example: "I don't fuck guys I'm not interested in or do rebounds after a relationship", she's not sleeping with me ergo she's not interested. I texted her yesterday asking her out and her reply was I'm not sure if I'd ever want to see you and plus I can't today because of blah. Really? You're not sure if you'd ever want to see me after telling me the night before you did when you had

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    • @Poppykate We slept together on the first date and the rest for the next two weeks. Once she went cold we never had sex again. I was open and honest to her about everything, I didn't hold anything back and told some things about me that I haven't told people that I've known for years. I have chased her and I have told her I feel about having to chase her. I told her that her not putting any effort in is making me think she doesn't have feelinngs for me and that it's her turn to put some effort in. She knows exactly where I stand and what I expect from her so if she's actually interested she knows what she has to do.

    • Then, that's fair enough!

  • Run. That's all I can tell you!
    This girl used to be in a relationship for 3 years, whatever she tells you, cheating or not, she isn't ready to date or fall in love. It will take months if not at least a year before she is ready to get into a relationship. And chances are, especially if she used to cheat in her past, that at some point she will get urges and sleep with the next best guy. You know, it won't be a relationship but she'll meet a guy and they will be friends with benefits for a while so she can later say I wasn't in a relationship... It wasn't real, I didn't feel appreciated and all the bs people in friends with benefits relationships say. And all this time you are making a fool of yourself waiting for her. Save yourself the sorrow and look for someone who hasn't come out of a long term relationship last week!
    She'll only use you to get over her ex. If you don't want that get away from her and stop hanging out under the pretext of wanting to be friends!

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  • No story to tell. Good for you

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    • You know, it's not like you can't talk to her still if you move.

What Guys Said 14

  • sounds reasonable that she needs time. she was in a long relationship that just ended. in reality she probably isn't entirely over that relationship as getting beyond a relationship (consciously and subconsciously) can take a long time.

    try to be patient. a three year relationship is a long time and it can take a long time to really feel ready to enter into a new relationship... and you should want her to be 100% (or as close as possible to it) ready to enter a new relationship

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  • you did the right thing, leaving it up to her whether you two continue to talk. give it time, but then again you never know. she might not be keeping it 100, or someone else might swoop in from left field. if she really wants you then neither of those things are relevant tho. just my opinion. timing can really make or break something like this in my experience. hopefully it works out for you two

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    • Thanks man! Yea we're in a really tough situation. I had real doubts about her reasons in the beginning and I have trust issues due to cheating gfs and other bad experiences, but I do trust she was being honest with me. It's so obvious that not only is she interested in me but was falling in love, even in that small time frame. So we're both very ambitious people and that brings problems. I'm moving in a year to the other side of the world and she's probably going on a 3 month research trip to Antarctica in semptember. She's told me I quote "You're the type of guy that even if I didn't see for months I'd fall for instantly all over again", this was said on our third date. I think this has a major part of it, but she's also dropped hints that she'd want to see me even if it was years from now and in another country. I really hope our story doesn't end here because we really do make a great couple.

  • You've handled the situation beautifully. I understand having
    snakes in your head from past relationships. They take time to get over.
    You're telling her you won't wait is a very Alpha thing to do. BRAVO ! Finally
    a man with backbone. I understand not wanting to get hurt again. So
    many guys will whine, pine and wait for a woman to get her house in order, and
    they never do. Invariably. She sounds like a neat girl who has been through
    a lot. I get that. One caveat I must add, and it's hypothetical to be sure. What will you do if you're with a really hot, loving sweet girl and this Miss Right appears out of nowhere? Don't scoff, I've had it happen. I didn't dump the girl I
    was with for the one who wasn't ready. I said something along the lines of, "You weren't ready when I was and I understand that. However, I'm
    in a good relationship now and I won't leave her for you. It's just not in the cards for us". You're telling the truth and being a gentleman about it. This is my
    two cents.

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    • Thanks for the kind words :). I've finally reached a stage in my life that I get dating and women, it's amazing how much easier it becomes at finding girls when you're at that stage, they do the chasing most of the time which is nice. I'm just not going to participate in her games since this isn't a game for me, I'm trying to find the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, it's the most important decision of my life.

      That's a tough scenario to go through! I'm happy for you that you made the right choice. The thing is that I'm moving in about 7 months so for her to do that must mean she's 100% committed since she'd most likely be moving with me. If I was in love with a new girl, I'd choose the new girl. If I wasn't I'd choose the one that I think will be most loyal to me long term because 20 years from now that's what really matters.

  • I had just ended things with a girl that had broken up with me 4 times separate times as I always took her back (pathetic of me I know).
    anyway, the breakup was super fresh when AI met the most amazing woman who has now been with me for 3 years and still counting. We immediately hit it off and agreed to keep talking as friends. Before too long I couldn't deny the feelings I had and we started dating and the rest is history.

    I know that the girl you met is going through some stuff but I think that you two could definitely still remain friends and keep contact. However if she specifically requested some time to herself then you did the right thing :)

    Good luck man!

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    • Thanks man and I can see us going the long haul based off of our chemistry. We've both danced around the idea but it looks like we're both thinking long term. She's told me she wants her next relationship to be her last and I told her I feel the same and she's also told me I'm exactly who she's been searching for and that I'm such an amazing guy and she respects the utter shit out of me. Talking to me about how our future kids would look like and what we should name them. Man, I've never had my head this fucked up from dating a girl before.

    • it that case I would try to stay friends for now and just show her that you're there for her :)

  • She wants to screw hotter guys for a few years and then settle down with you after.

    Maybe.

    And then she'll divorce you.

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    • probably, that's what my ex did, she didn't even wait until we were over lol so eager

    • The exodus has already begun. In 10 more years, these females will be the butt of every joke, held up as a shining example of what not to do.

      We'll call them the spinster generation.

  • "She would run away when problems arose and cheat on him"

    She is no good for anyone at all... And yes she is right! Like she said if a terrible person..

    Do you want a girl who will cheat on your when problem arise? If I liked a girl and she tells me she cheats when problem arise I would think she is worthless and someone I would definitely drag away from...

    Cheaters are cheaters... You shouldn't choose to be with someone who is a cheater...

    I advice to stay away from her and never trust her even in future...

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  • She's being difficult... when she's difficult there's nothing you can do but just let her make her mind up over time

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    • yea I just hope she figures her shit out quickly since I'm moving in November.

  • Yeah this is the story of my last relationship. Ended with me contracting clamydia

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    • Holy fuck after that update it's exactly the same.

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    • She doesn't go to doctors. Doesn't get Pap smears. 27 year old woman. I don't know what I was thinking , the moment u trust someone they fuck it up. You can't love someone who doesn't take care of themselves or even worse love themselves. It's so toxic now that I think of it. She was playing games with me and in the end she losing the war , losing me. she basically retarded. She will die soon to sum it up from complications. So dumb , goes to the gym does her nails does her eyebrows rents on her own owns her own car but doesn't go to the doctors? Bird 🐦
      And my chlamyds is gone I have to get tested again in couple weeks and then I'm getting tested for aids just in case there's a small chance like 0.1% chance I acquired that

    • Lessoned learned I got so lucky I didn't get something worse. The symptoms were a blessing in disguise

  • Maybe she is not that crazy about you as you think?

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    • I'm starting to have doubts as well. Look I'm being real here, she has shown an extreme high level of interest in the way she acts and what she says around me. However, I don't trust her at this point so it could just be she's full of shit and is just really attracted to me, but then again if that was the case she would have slept with me the last two times we met. I don't know man. My best friend (he never met her) told me "so she essentially gave you the it's not you, it's me speech" and he's not wrong, in lamest terms that is what she did.

    • You know people can like "more than 1 person" but love only "1 person" I think she is attracted to both of you and maybe likes you both. She wants to see who is better you or your friend? Or the other thing is she is using one of you to make the other one jeolus but I think she has something to you, I dont think all of her signs are meaningless but like I said maybe you should watch more.

  • like you said "shes crazy". The reply is: "are you crazy enough to love a crazy girl?"

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    • I do love the crazies haha

  • happens to the best of us

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  • She's not crazy. She maybe doesn't want to disappoint. Upgrade yourself. Impress.

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    • Dude I'm a really good catch, I know that sounds arrogant as hell but it's true. I'm definitely within her league and have been with more impressive women in my life. I've swept this girl off her feet, there's not much more I can do in this situation.

  • Seems complicated@€@€##, I think its better to leave this girl behind even though it hurts. If u go further with this chick its like auto mutulation, these kind of situations are giving a girl the chance to basically lean on u, but u deserve better then just someone who "leans" on u.

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    • Yea it sucks. IF she's been completely honest with me and she really does have strong feelings for me like she's led me to believe then she has a fearful/avoidance attachment style which is just who she is. This running away from problems/when things are going well will be a common pattern. The only person that can fix it is her.

  • It's the summary of all women. They all "want and love good guys" until it actually comes time to dating or being with one. Then they run off with a sleaze ball.

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    • It's not like that dude, I don't have a problem getting girls since I know what women want. People think that's what women want because those guys have a backbone which is the most attractive trait a man can have. Backbone = self respect which leads to confidence and being a successful person. You can have those qualities and not be a sleaze ball.

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    • Amen to that!

    • Amen to the backbone and not being a sleaze ball! 👍🏻💡

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