What does this guy mean when he said "he wants to get married but does not want to settle down"?

I thought getting married and settling down are the same things


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I would take that to mean that he still wants to lead an dynamic life. I'd image he wants to get married but doesn't want to do the whole "start a family, buy a house and live there for the next ten years and work a Monday-Friday desk job". I'd say he wants to explore the world, try different things in life, work/recreation - not just stay in one place.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think those are the words of someone who is afraid of losing their freedom/identity inside their perception of what "married" would be. Ask them, ask what it would mean to "settle down." I'm betting your answer is in their response to that.

    Having freedom and identity inside a marriage doesn't have to be compromised, and it's much better not to. I'd really just ask what they have left in life they want to do, what they value in their time not married. That's what they're afraid of losing, but want a partner in that (hence the married part). That's honestly the ideal relationship... honor your differences, freedom, and identities while being committed partners through the adventure. Push each other to grow, both in the partnership, but as individuals too. Want them to be the best them, even if some of it is outside of you. That's why it's a partnership, not any of those silly, sappy phrases of "completing each other," or "becoming one in everything." Nope. Partners. Whole people, committed to traveling time/life together.

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    • Perfect answer thanks.

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What Guys Said 10

  • He's confident that you're the one he wants to marry, but he's not ready for kids. He still wants to go on adventures and travel and do fun stuff with you before having the responsibility of kids.

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  • They essentially are the same things but he has a warped understanding about them, apparently.

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  • Means he does see himself with you forever just has a hard time giving up the sluts right now. I am the same way I love my wife to death am lost without her but I do love women and that may never change.

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    • So do you cheat on your wife with sluts and hoes and hookers?

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    • All of the above but over time all the women are just versions of her short brunettes with big buts.

    • My wife has been a thousand different women bent over in twisted fantasies in my head. Not proud of it just the truth.

  • He's basically saying he wants you to only sleep with him but he can sleep with as many women as he please. #sisterwives

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  • They both mean the same thing. That's of course he meant settling down and getting married and not having kids.

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    • Oh so he dont want kids yet. I see

  • Loll aren't both the same thing Lol

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    • Yes that's what i was thinking. So I am confused what he wanted to mean

    • Umm it's could mean in his dictionary that he wants to get married and also have other women...

  • he is unsure of himself.. settle down means it's for life to stay at place with secure job raising kids growing old dying there.. maybe not into it.. thats my perspective

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    • That is what i think as well. Thanks

    • welcome.. just have a good talk and understand.. don't worry.. have a good life

  • They are the same thing your guy was probably more than a little drunk.

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    • He doesn't drink, because he knows he gets drunk easily and unbearably.

  • he is willing to marry you but thinking about divorce at the same time.

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  • They ARE the same thing... he's kind of off a bit :)

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    • I agree. I think i should ask what he meant by that to decide whether to move on or not. I want a serious relationship possibly leading to marriage

What Girls Said 3

  • That sounds like an "open marriage"

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  • I think it means he still wants to have a lot of fun and adventures in life.

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    • Like fucking others while married?

    • Not necessarily. You'd really have to ask him what he thinks it means. I think most people still expect to be monogamous in marriage. The choice of polyamory is something that people need to hash out before getting too serious in a relationship.

  • Maybe he's referring to children?

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