Is Being Old School a Bad Thing? Who should make the first move?

Lately I've been bashed here on G@G because I expect a MAN to make the first step towards a woman and NOT vice versa as in - "THE MAN should approach her first" ... why is this such a big deal? I mean most Women expect a man to do the first step, at least in my case, NOT LIKE he has to do BIG THINGS but just approach me and talk to me first...
It's funny how a few Men are self proclaimed decision makers and break winners but are now able to make the first step to win over a woman... ?

I might be wrong, but I would never approach a man I'm interested in first, I would wait for him to do it...
Is there anything wrong with this?
And why would they even BASH me and be MEAN to me just because this is MY WORLD an I WANT MY MAN to approach me first because I ain't doing that for sure !!!

Then of course a WOMAN CAN DO THE SECOND STEP, and continue with the flow... Is Being Old School a Bad Thing? Who should make the first move?SORRY , but that's just me... 0.-

  • A MAN should approach a WOMAN FIRST
    Vote A
  • A WOMAN should approach a MAN FIRST
    Vote B
  • It's just a matter of Mentality
    Vote C
  • Other
    Vote D
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Woah, Okay guys, most of you took it the wrong way, and I honestly apologize if somebody got "OFFENDED" but this I was not meaning to cause harm, maybe I chose the wrong words to describe this situation, for many of you that know me they know for sure i'm not SEXIST and I'm not FEMINIST or ANTI FEMINIST EITHER.

But woah, most of you really offended me, instead of just trying to make me understand your opinion you continued to bash me. THANK YOU... really civilized here.

Have a nice day


Most Helpful Guy

  • "- "THE MAN should approach her first""

    The big deal is the word 'should.'
    -There is nothign wrong with men approaching first. There is nothing wrong of you wanting them to do that. But to 'expect' it... tjat os neomg self centered.

    "NOT LIKE he has to do BIG THINGS but just approach me and talk to me first..."
    -If it's not such a big deal then why can't you do it? Not like you have to do big thngs, just approach him and talk.

    "to win over a woman"
    -So you're objectifying yourself and making yourself in to a prize? That goes against what feminists fought for, no?

    "but I would never approach a man I'm interested in first"
    -Your loss but that is your right none the less.

    • You over analyzed the whole thing sweety :) just answer the basic...

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    • @Thisdudehere...
      this time you are right...

    • It's okay, I still like you :) lets hug?

Most Helpful Girl

  • Oke, it's not right to bash you for your opinions
    I personally always think that we're now living in the 21st century and it should be normal that girls can approach guys first.
    of course it's nice if a guy does the first step, but why wait.
    let's say there is a guy you totally like and he doesn't notice or he just didn't know how to approach you, so you both are still sitting and never see each other again, why wait? Why wait for an opportunity? that's so stupid in my eyes

    • Sure we're in the 21st century and you are right, but most I think opinions vary in this topic depending on mentality, the sexual issue in general will never have a solution, even thought i have a really happy and strong relationship with my man, and HE was the one who approached me, and HE KNOWS i expected that, he never said anything like "You are being sexist" like on the other comments... but I do appreciate your opinion and it's accepted <3 thank you sweety

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What Guys Said 75

  • This is me making the first move... Wink!

    • i read somewhere that rachel was joey's hottest girlfriend, out of all the ones he had

    • and he had some pretty hot ones. i mean, j. a. is pretty hot though

  • Let me start with telling you how sorry i am that you had to go through such experience with these type of people. Unfortunately we are living as a super hyper sensitive generation. As soon as you express that you "Expect men to approach you" some people fail to understand this is a simple personal principle. But their brain process (Feminism, First date payment, MGTOW, gender equality and all the social standards and movements) all over their head. It doesn't make sense but this is not the first time that this is happening.

    Personally, i believe it's absolutely acceptable for both genders to approach. But there is nothing wrong with having certain principles regarding this subject. This is your life and you have the right to set up your lifestyle. Sometimes it seems people forget the main goal of achievements. The victory is today a woman approaching man is not a bad thing. A Woman has this freedom to approach man. But that doesn't mean everybody must follow the rule just because a freedom been achieved.

    Simply. Your life your choice. There is nothing bad about. You have the right to live the way you wish so.

    • Thank you sweety, I'm glad that somebody understands, but as you can see, people keep on bashing, but it's okay I think I made a mistake by asking opinions... I did not ask to get bashed I just asked to see what people think about it but it went the wrong way lol :P

    • I would share you empathy very firmly. You used a very suitable phrase to describe the behaviors. "Really civilizes here" unfortunately some people can't understand the concept of a civilized debate. They find arguing, judging and smashing much easier. They give this right to themselves to invade other's belief, believe and choices.

      As you can see numerous people brought up Feminism and related movements. Which is nonsense. Some people are overthinking everything. Connecting every decision and choice with various movements and label them as a path to a particular agenda.
      Meanwhile, you are just embracing a traditional value. Nothing more than that! but people are hallucinated that you're up to a conspiracy lol!

      But i hope you free your mind about it. I mean focus on the positive answers which fortunately there are a few. Your nerves are more precious than to be disturbed by those rude people ;)

  • I'm all for women making the first move and think they should if they like a guy, not wait, hoping that the guy will. I think women hold all the cards anyway when it comes to dating, they ultimately decide usually anyway whether the date happens or not, or if other dates come after the first one. So I think if THEY were to "choose" the guys and ask them out, they'd be a lot happier, rather than going out with the first guy that asks you. Just my opinion. The "old school" mentality puts ALL the dating pressure and fears/rejection on the guys shoulder and it's not fair in my opinion. It's no wonder women love dating, the guy takes all the "risk" usually and the women just get to pick and choose and have fun. Same goes for the guy paying, same idea. I think it should be split (each pay their own), especially on a first date when the guy doesn't even know if there's going to be a second. After that, whatever. And women wonder why guys aren't approaching them. It's because we're tired of taking all the risk all the time.

  • There is nothing wrong with wanted a guy to approach first. In fact, the majority of women are like this.

    The only way a guy will be approached is if he is extremely attractive and since most of us guys aren't extremely attractive, we have to approach girls ourselves and hope the for the best. This is why women generally have most of the power when it comes to dating because they can simply reject who they don't find attractive and accept who they do find attractive.

    Most modern guys fear rejection and are afraid to approach. I reckon the majority of women who approach with still prefer it (or find the guy more attractive) if the guy approaches them instead. I think there are both biological and societal reasons for this.

    Feminism doesn't really do anything because attraction is amoral. It still discriminates and works generally in a particular dynamic. The problem is many try to apply logic to this shit when you just can't.

    If you aren't making the girls pussy wet you aren't getting laid tonight. And as far as it goes for this whole attraction game.

  • it's just a matter of mentality...

    if í love a girl í should approach her...
    but if a likes me she should do the same...

    keep ego aside...

    if you love a person and cannot tell them... just becuase of your ego...
    then trust me you are one of the weakest person in the world...

    it's not about approaching and love...
    its all about ego... and slef respect.

    • whenever you say some thing like this...
      make a bracket and write ( personal opinion... )

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    • Oh thank you, you too dear <3

    • 😁 welcome. 💓

  • "I expect a MAN to make the first step towards a woman and NOT vice versa"

    You have this freedom, of course. But answer me this. Am I allowed as a man to EXPECT anything from a woman? If the answer is no, then where is the balance? If the answer is yes, then I can already hear the autistic screeching coming from the feminists.

    Women can't have their cake and eat it too. This expectation of continued chivalry and men being "real men" in today's social climate of gender equality is going to cause a lot of men to roll their eyes.

    If feminism and social justice want to push gender equality to the forefront as well as killing gender roles in general, then that means the societal expectations of who sets themselves up for rejection should be a bit more balanced on both men and women.

    So while you have the freedom to individually live your life the way you want and always put yourself in a position to be approached first, men should have the same freedom.

    • Well said.

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    • @tyber1 I would move on :) but it didn't happen in my case, because he got all the right signals and he did APPROACH ME,

    • Ok well that wasn't the point of my question, I was asking if you think he is expendable to you and you just confirmed that he is. Some girlfriend.

  • When I was younger, I had people telling me how to go about things when it came to dating girls, and I can't even stress how wrong those suggestions were because they were not something I would have done nor told myself to do! Every person is different!

    You have outgoing social butterfly guys who do well in dating girls, and you have outgoing social butterfly girls who do well in dating guys, but then you have cases of introvert women and introvert men, like me. Introverts struggle with engaging because it's not easy to start up conversations and keep them interesting, and often is the case, our interest loses interest in the conversation and seeks out something else to be entertained with! This is why you have guys who are reluctant to make the first move and I really feel bad for girls who expect every guy to make the first move. My personal experiences over these years almost always reproduce the same end result, no interest. So you kind of give up...

    I don't expect a girl to say hi to me nor to even be so interested and relentless that she will work hard to open my shy shell. However, when I try to talk, it might as well seem like I have a foot in my mouth.

    So, is being "old school" a bad thing? No, it is how you are and it is what you expect. There is nothing wrong with that! I just want to point out the reasons for why you shouldn't always expect what you want from every guy! We guys have been burned by different things and we suffer with our social awkwardness in the varying degrees it exists.

  • Definitely guys should make the first move,

    at least if you value any masculine traits, if you are looking for a man who is a girl who likes girls then you make the first move, but don't be surprised if he expects you to be the breadwinner, split the bil 50:50 and you hold the door for him,

    Seriously women only tolerate what they tolerate, modern women complain about a lack of real men but allow men to behave like women by facilitating there bad behaviour.

    • Oh god this is exactly my Theory, these points of view will be bashed harshly in matter of seconds ... watch out -_- and I do agree with you a lot :)

    • I think Western Men particularly English, American, Australian, lost there concept of Masculinity and replaced it with that of a entitled child's mentality.

      Plus the lack of pressure for Men to actually behave like Men,

      Add to that the lack of clear Gender Roles in these countries and feminism, then you have a bad combination of guys not wanting to earn there prizes, but feeling entitled to them,

      I mean how does a girl know when to approach a guy? What does he do twizzle his hair? I mean come on, a guy is suppose to have balls, balls make you brave , brave means making the first move.

  • People shouldn't bash or be mean to your beliefs and how you feel. I bet a lot of guy's approach you because your cute? Am I right or wrong?

    • LOL >.< ... well... you know me I grew up in an Italian Family, and I was raised to love myself more than anything else and that a MAN is supposed to run after you not the other way around... but it looks like this might not be the case in other countries...

    • Lol that is good. Loving yourself is cool to. I think in most situations a guy will approach a girl. True in other countries girl's approach guy's. I think it doesn't matter. I don't bash other's views on it. You have every right to feel how you feel about it.😎

  • It depends on the person. Yeah, men should always make the first move towards a woman; but these days, some women make the first move because they don't feel like waiting for the guy to make a move. Nothing wrong with that. You go for what you want regardless of who starts it.

    • Yes, you go for what you want regardless, but women who go for who they wanna be with are not in demand. In fact, guys choose the ones who play mind games and hard-to-get over the ones who know what they want, and are not afraid to show feelings. Tested, confirmed by me not by one men, but multiple men. And I am telling you this as a successful, and attractive person who have been in 2 long relationships (2-3 years), and 1 mid length (a little over a year), and who have been single since about a year in dating scene in a big city.

    • @lyannamormont I agree with you on that. Many men mostly approach women that seem to be easy targets or feel like they can be easily controlled rather than women who are successful, career driven, very attractive & mentally strong women. Also I believe that some men want women to approach them first because they feel like they are the more desirable one than the woman. And what they don't realize too is that in the end, the women are in control on how far things will progress. A man may approach a woman but she decides on what happens next. If a woman approaches a man, she still decides on what happens next. I believe too is that the women have more to risk than men. Boys approach girls looking to a power couple or have fun while the real men approach the strong women looking to build a future & a empire for their future kids if they decide

  • All women are not like you , waiting for a man to approach you first. Men have their own anxieties and worries. But some men are brave and do it and get rejected. Only less than 5% men get positive response. So why will they dare?

  • I personally prefer to be the one approaching the woman. Not the other way around. This way I can choose carefully, pick a suitable moment and be in control of how the situation develops. Last thing I want is being caught off guard by someone I'm not attracted to in a bad moment.

  • I'm not traditional, and my point of view, exp, and relationships end differently. I expect a women that is able to be direct and talk openly. The relationships I've been in have been mutual and more satisfying then anything that could be defined as traditional. I've dated women that wanted only my wallet (least that's my perspective). And others that expect total financial obligation. It is a pairing of people in my book. One where WE help fund our future with OUR money, and the effort we both put in to build a relationship and household. I have ultimate respect for a person when they are that. A WHOLE person. Not a dependent, not someone who needs me to do everything for them. These relationships last years and when we separate it is because we choose to do so with out having the other hang on and try to cling begging to stay together. My relationships that I enter into have no gender responsibility but we both contribute in the ways we choose to and don't expect a him or her to do him or her things (laundry, bill, driving, cleaning, cooking. ect) and to everyone of those women I have trust and respect even when WE choose to separate. It's an entirely different set of feelings and emotions then when I try to date a different type of women. Besides we learn more about each other because there is no it's boy talk or girl talk. Everything is open for discussion and even when it is not talked about right away some topics are put on hold until the other is ready to talk about it. Those holds never seem to last long. But to me these non traditional relationships are more fulfilling and satisfying. Sure there are some guys/gals I know that still insist on men approach and pay for everything. And some of those men expect women to cook and lean. But if that's what you want, then I hope you find it. I personally Love to cook esp when I can cook with someone for a big semi-fancy meal. Then when it's all done I tend to clean up, or she helps. Its very freeing and open. I'm not sure how else to describe it. But I wouldn't go back after having been in these relationships.

  • No, it's not.. There's absolutely nothin wrong with that expectation.. I mean men are still the more aggressive sex...

    • I'm glad you understand, it's just I've been called self centered and the B*** word just because I think that a LADY is not supposed to run after a man... UGH

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    • Thank you sweetheart <3 <3 you sound like an ITALIAN lol

    • No problem!.. And aaaww nice.. :D..

  • I am not offended. It's worth a reasonable and serious discussion!

    Women often _do_ make the first move! They flirt, they find "subtle" (or not) ways of letting us know when they are interested. I wrote a myTake about how to spot the signs last year, so if you are all like "what are you talking about?" check it out.

    But even when they do these things, they still leave it to the men to ask them out. This has been my experience.

    This puts me in an insanely strong position of power. If I am interested, I can ask her out, but if I am on the fence or just not feeling it, I can just carry on with my day. La la la...

    Meanwhile, if I ask a woman out and she's not interested, on the fence, or whatever, she has to deal with the difficult interpersonal interaction and the guilt of turning me down -- or agreeing to a date out of guilt (I believe this has happened, although admittedly it is unconfirmed).

    In some ways, this is my favorite part of being a guy. On the other hand, though, it seems terribly unfair to women. It gives me the opportunity to shrug off whatever feelings she might have, at the low low cost of looking like an ignorant fool to someone I don't care about.

    I mean really, OP, if you have a crush on a guy, do you really really just sit all the way on the opposite side of the room, with his back to you, hoping he'll notice you and approach you? Or do you make an effort to get his attention?

    If it's the latter, guess what? This issue might be more ambiguous than you might have realized when you posted.

  • I think a lot of people nowadays are against what's in the past as a sort of rebelling. The lines of "outdated", "old oblivious republicans", "its the year 20xx" and such show that.

    Its rebelling for the sake of rebelling and not just moving forward when it is useful while sticking to the past when it is useful. Not everything in the past was great - and similary not every change is good.

    So when you openly state that you are more old school you obviously sting into a bees nest. These people will feel offended in their worldviews and thus personally attacked for you displaying a different view (kinda ironic, because a lot of the same people say how important tolerance is).

    To the actual point: I think moderate traditionalism is perfectly good. Men and women are different and nothing wrong with embracing those differences - as long as it doesn't get one-sided. Aka there are situations where a guy can not approach a girl for various - often social pressure related - reasons.

    That being said if a girl is just like "I will NEVER approach a guy" - then I find it questionable. Additionally a girl should definitely make herself approachable - aka smile, eye-contact, not always be surrounded by 1313561 friends, etc.

  • Originally I liked and agreed but then I got a nasty slice of reality. Most women don't want guys to approach them. They just want the guys that they like to go for them. If he does not fit her idea of a date then she insults him often calling him a creep to get rid of him. I thought that women would like me approaching them but on campus. A guy can't even say hi to a girl without her thinking he just wants sex. The last girl I approached blow me off right after hello.
    Honestly I would love if we could keep things old school but we sadly can't. A guy can't even give an umbrella to a girl these days. Honestly I have tried. She would rather get wet than accept it.
    Now I usually just ask out women that I know and I have talk to before usually from in a class a few weeks before it ends. Sure I'll take the chance to ask a girl out but I'm not going to approach one.

    • Sorry but this is the internet. Sadly when you say something people don't like here they are quick to lash out. I wish it was different but it is not.

  • I think it's okay to want that from guys. The issue I see with it is I see a contradiction with feminist advocates that have lots of issues with male privilege but not advocating for men regarding, in this case, female privilege.

    A lot of guys do not want to take the risk of being rejected just like women don't. Plus a lot of men would love to feel attractive, like how women get with this type of privilege.

    That's why you likely like being pursued. You don't want to feel embarrassed if the guy isn't interested and you want to feel desired by the attention. Guys usually feel the same way, yet we're mostly realistically trapped in having to initiate. Complaining about unequal rights yet feeling entitled to this unequal right is my issue.

    • I have no Idea why everyone assumes this as an excuse, as in, I don't want to pursue because I'm scared of rejection, well it's not really in my case, i'm not scared of being rejected and if I get rejected I really don't care, I got rejected a few times but I NEVER approached a guy in my life BUT NOT BECAUSE I'M SCARED of rejection, but because I don't think it's my PLACE to do so, I think approaching a woman for the first time and asking her to marry you is a MAN'S WORK... and NO i'm not sexist, but this is my being old school all the way and I LOVE it...

    • Why do you think it isn't your place to approach a man or ask them to marry you? Why is that their work? I don't think thinking that is sexist b t w.

    • Because its weird... simple

  • it just depends because for example, it's harder for me to approach women first because I'm mainly an introvert. it's just part of my personality, I mean I'm also old school but it's not easy, like I get more nervous or I just want the woman to make the first move, just the way it is. Please reply if I'm missing something

  • If you choose not to approach then you dont have a right to bitch about being single if you are. Im single because i dont approach girls. I've had girls approach me but its a lot harder continuing a conversation than starting it.

  • Considering the fact that guys can be charged for sexual harassment, I think in all cases, girls should approach. Since they don't deal with the non-sense guys deal with.
    People will ruin a guy's life over a girl feeling uncomfortable, even if the guy never interacts with her. Then they'll justify it. They won't do that to a girl.

    • This is the problem in the west, guys can't do what guys naturally do, there's fear of having the cops called because you asked a girl how she was? This is so ridiculous, but feminists will pay in the future when guys behaving irresponsibly becomes normal and women are left in the guys position, biology is biology balls and testosterone should mean being brace. Estrogen should mean being less brave.

  • Personal choice. If you feel that Men should make the first move, that wouldn't bother me. I personally did "make the first move" but in this day and age of gender equality, it shouldn't be too far of a reach to expect women to make the first move as much as men.

  • I'd never approach a girl first. Thankfully there are more and more girls these days that are happy to make the first step. And I fucking love them. <3

    • Because your scared of rejection,

      It's a psychological issue and can be cured very easily, simply approach many girls and if they say yes they say yes and if they say no then they say no, are they going to shoot you for approaching them? I think not, don't have a giver upper mentality everything can be fought against using sheer power of the will.

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    • LOL so you're saying a high value women will approach a guy first? Wow you must be pretty unexperienced in life , think about this... your a hot women... you can have practically any guy you like chasing you... (because that's nature) why the hell would you approach some average dude first, unless he's not average and he's super extraordinary, but from my experience you know who will approach you first? A fat girl! Yes that's right, a fat girl with no other options forced to do the unthinkable and approach a guy

    • @Aconfusedguy90 What is high value is in the eye of the beholder. I never cared for girls with 2 tons of make up in their face, for example, but another guy might totally go after that. I never cared for girls who couldn't tell the difference between a planet and a star, but other guys might totally dig that kind of chick. None of the girls that approached me were fat by the way, my girlfriend works as a fitness coach and if you ask me she's hot af.

      Am I extraordinary? I'll leave that for others to decide. 8) I guess I never really had to work for female attention the same way you had to. If chasing after girls is the only thing that works for you, by all means, keep on doing that.

      Anyway, this conversation is starting to bore me, so have a good day!

  • Hey,
    I'm of the opinion that girls and boys can do anything they life. Me personally i still love to go up to a girl and ask her out. I'm kinda like you in that way. I remember back when i was in school, there was this girl who i liked a lot and it took me several days to build my confidence to ask her out for the school dance. I was fearful of being rejected, but i held my nerve and went up to her after school and did it... even if she rejected me, i was so proud of myself for going up to her. Its a pity she eventually loved another guy.

    But yea, i think you are cool and i don't mind if girls want guys to ask them out. I know girls like you often get labelled and especially in the age of "equality" it seems that any girl that wants a guy to ask her out gets a ton of crap from both genders. I would have no problems in asking a girl out if she wanted me too. I feel like the genders bash each other up so much these days. When are men and women going to lay down their arms and stop hurting? Come on guys and girls... lets learn to love each other again...

  • I don't think it's important who approaches who first, if your heart says that you like him or her, take the initiative to avoid wasting a chance to become happy :D
    And, admitted, I'm a rather shy guy sh the attraction would need to be strong for me to approach a girl :o
    I'd first look for signals she liked me too, like a nice smile in my direction or so :D

  • Voted D.

    I don't think there's any problem with either approaching first.

    But most common? She shows signs of interest ie eye contact etc. And then he approaches.

    You decide for yourself what the 'first' move in that sequence was.

  • It's always the mentality. If you're attracted to someone, approach him/her. You are always allowed to have preferences but don't feel sad if he doesn't approach you.

    • Woah woah woah wait...
      "THE MAN should approach her first"
      No he "shouldn't". You prefer guys who approach women first. That's your perspective/preference.
      "I would never approach a man I'm interested in first"
      Okay bro, your choice. Again, you are allowed to have preferences.
      "It's funny how a few Men are self proclaimed decision makers and break winners but are now able to make the first step to win over a woman... ?"
      That was unnecessary. >.>

  • I guess I qualify as old school. I expect to make the first move and always have. I don't know the "new" rules, so I continue to play by the old ones. I approached my girlfriend first, as I feel it should have been.

  • Couple of things.

    1) Just because you're interested in a guy doesn't mean he's interested in you. Judging by your writing style, you've got a long wait ahead of you.

    2) You may be an exception to this, but some women make a point to loudly and publicly shit on a guy that approaches them if they don't like him. This gets old real fast for guys.

    3) People are going to be dicks to you on the internet, no exceptions. Get over it.

    4) It's not your world and a man simply saying hi to you isn't yours. Again, you're going to be waiting a while.

    Personally, I like that men are expected to make the first move. Makes it easier not to talk to people like you.

  • Simply put, many just see how dumb it is to think that only one gender should do certain things, that's all.
    Now if someone is being hateful towards you because of it you would have to ask them, there can be any number of reasons why people lash out as I'm sure you know.

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What Girls Said 18

  • It's a "big deal" because it really doesn't make sense.

    I don't understand "men should do this" and "women should do this" because there's no logic behind it other than people spewing "I'm traditional!" It seems like a fail safe way (primarily for women) to cop-out of having to approach or pay for their food. Also, people don't take it seriously because these "old school"/"traditional" people want only the traditions that benefit them; not the whole stay at home on an allowance your hubby gives you while you take care of his kids part.

    Ultimately if you want guys to approach and be traditional go for it, but there's no denying that no matter how old school you are, you live in a modern era where people are much less likely to adhere to those ideals. So you may have a harder time.

    So as long as you don't complain that you're single and don't know why, nothing wrong with your mentality. But if you're moaning about single hood while sitting on your butt, making no effort - you know why and have no right to complain in my opinion. Ultimately do you.

    • See, this is why comments like these make me so angry because you didn't get ONE single thing !!
      One - This is the ONLY part of be being OLD SCHOOL - the rest can also be modern because I don't mind, I have an amazing normal and modern life.
      2. I'm not single Im in an amazing and happy relationship and my man Approached me first, now we live together and we both work, he does cook and washes dishes and clothes, and I sometimes fix the car, so please... PLEASE do me a favor. NEXT TIME you freaking JUDGE make a valuable point don't PUT words and ACTIONS in my mouth and life... Thank you and have a nice day.

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    • ya well it feel that way because it is generally placed on the guys shoulders

    • Ah finally, someone gets it.

  • It is bad. The problem is, you ONLY support "tradition", if the tradition benefits you. You want the man to ask you out, and you want him to pay for your dates.

    But you do not follow any other traditional standards, such as women not being allowed to vote. You are just picking and choosing the parts of traditionalism that you like.

    You are sexist.

    • Are you freaking kidding me? I just asked a simple question about a FIRST STEP, i didn't go about the paying in dates or voting I didn't even ASK ABOUT THAT, it was only about WHO IS SUPPOSED TO MAKE THE FIRST STEP, I'm a sexist? Do you even know me? Aren't you ashamed of yourself judging people this way?
      Let me show you something:
      My man approached me first, YES he did, and we went on our first date and guess what? I WENT BEHIND HIS BACK to pay for the bill, now after 3 years we live together, sometimes he cooks and sometimes i fix the car... .. does that make me a sexist? I WAS ONLY FREAKING TALKING ABOUT THE FIRST APPROACH, TAKING INITIATIVE, MAKING THE FIRST FREAKING STEP, and i'm so sick and tired of you people judging as if you know me better than my mom does.
      Shame on you

    • @natured you think men should approach first, JUST because they're men. That's literally sexist, by definition. You are not treating genders equally. You are taking advantage of traditions.

    • Again im glad to know you know me so well. You should take a look at my take about this topic so you'll get to know me.

  • Don't apologize for anything! You have your reasons and others have there's! I agree, that men should make the first move. ONLY when it's proven that she wants to be approached. But at the same time, I don't have beef with women approaching either. The thing is is why people are dating strangers they don't know? It is better to date somebody your familiar with and know what they are about instead of total strangers only for it to still end as strangers. Sadly guys get the wrong either when women goes to them as well. The only reason why I don't like random guys approaching me is because they are usually after one thing. Not all. I have no problem with guys wanting to be my friend or talk to me about something.

    But guys needs to seriously remember something. If they don't have good intentions, such as lusting and wanting a sexual relationship by dating, then they shouldn't approach women who are not looking for that or about that. For myself, I know when I had a crush on 1 or 2 guys it was always one sided for me and they thought I was crazy. So this is something others needs to think about before bashing. I just to appreciate that gold-digger crap mentality, yet they were the one asking YOU out.

    • don't appreciate*

    • This is exactly my point, and I thank you deeply for understanding this and for not over analyzing like a LOT here did, I was asking a simple question regarding A FIRST STEP and people are already calling me a hypocrite and a woman that likes to be dominated by men LOL... but hey... I can't control their feelings I just thank YOU for understanding <3

  • The main reason that men are shying away from making the first moves now is because of a shift in views on dating and sex caused by radical feminists. Lots of harmless men have been accused of stalking and even attempted rape, just because he didn't meet the standards of beauty set by the women he approached, or he didn't earn enough money. And with new economic trends due to the push for gender equality, many women now earn more than men, and yet many of these same women still expect the man to take care of them. I can easily understand how expecting these women to approach first, to expect her to work for it and show that she's actually pursuing him for him and not his bank account, is acceptable.
    There's nothing with you being traditional, and dating a traditional man. But times have changed, and it's going to be more difficult for everyone now. But this does also mean that when you do find someone right for you, you'll likely have bonded on more points of compatibility than those of previous generations would even have thought to look for in a mate.

  • Im w/ you I've nvr approached a guy. I just think if they want it bad enough they'll take the initiative. Its all in the preferences, the world is changing, and/or they're scared. All I know is that's the kinda guy I like, one that'll show me he's interested and confident enough to talk to me.

    • What if you are interested in a guy but he dois not know it?

    • Show All
    • This is the reason why i'm getting bashed, because guys now think "YOU WANTED EQUALITY? OK SO THEN TAKE THE INITIATIVE TO HIT ON ME" and honestly this is SICK to me, not in my world... he can be the hottest man on earth and even imagine me as his wife, if he doesn't approach me first i'm gone.. -_-

    • Completely agree, some of them try to turn things around, like I can't help what I like if you don't wanna do it fine we weren't meant for each other anyway. It seems more and more guys are getting lazy or scared why I don't know I just think if you want it as a man go for it

  • I don't believe this has anything to do with feminism but just a matter of personal preference. And I don't believe it's a matter of "he *should* approach first" as it is "he *can* approach first". Not permission but an opportunity. Like every opportunity, it depends on who makes the first move. I've had men approach me first and I've likewise approached them first. Maybe it calls for a certain situation.

  • Seeing as how it's the 21st century and all, anyone 'should'make the first move. Times have changed from when women were literally dependent on men for an income seeing as how we weren't allowed, by law, to have one of our own... so, I guess it's safe to say that customs such as who's 'expected' to ask someone out or simply express interest should change alongside that.
    (... as for the people who took it the 'wrong way', that's inevitable online. You're almost guaranteed to get a shitload of angry, whiny men complaining about how women are evil by nature, or similar irrelevant posts that demonize men. Just ignore 'em.)

    • You Lady, understood my whole point, the whole equality thing is getting out of hand, that's why I'm neither Feminist nor Anti Feminist because both are taking extremes, I'm somewhat in the middle, I expect my man to approach me first, and once we get together it's another story, I was basically just FOCUSED on the FIRST STEP, but people started sharing their FEMINIST VIEWS, like... I DIDN'T ask for that, I didn't ask for your equality views... just a simple opinion...

  • You're right. It's who you are. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise: who cares and just do yo thanG. If you wanna be old school then be old school xD. You aren't hurting anyone 😬

    • Sure thing, but I noticed that a lot of people bash me saying : Oh you are the typical woman who likes to be controlled by men, the one who wants to stay home and cook and wash and whatever... I'm like... dude I didn't even GET THERE, it was just about the FIRST step but.. hey... people nowadays over analyze and it's getting serious... 0.- just a simple point of view of yours can be shitted because they over analyze

    • Yeah! That's all you said XD. I dont know why anyone would be flipping out haha

  • There is a reason for the phrase, "Man Up!" If he can't, he won't stand a chance with a girl like me!

    • Show All
    • I think you're misunderstanding my motivation. I don't need luck find a woman like that. I've been approached all my life. I'm not having this conversation for my personal sake. I gain or lose nothing by convincing or not convincing you.

      "I would be offended, however, if you suggested that ALL women should be that way."

      But you just did exactly that? You said he needs to man up? You even said there's a reason for this phrase, "to man up." As in, this is an attribute that is associated with men, not women. Even if it wasn't your intention, you implied that ALL men should be that way.

    • finding*

  • Poor you, getting bashed over a simple curiosity...
    Well in my opinion, it doesn't matter who starts. I mean, both genders are human!

    • It's also my point, but HEY, I think people are having fun bashing... but it's okay I think my opinion about this is not very welcome but I think it's more exciting if a man approaches you...

    • Hahahah as long as you're feeling okay and there's no hard feelings, then it's okay.
      That's true though. Although usually when that happens I'll be all clueless LOL

  • When I see a guy I like on a dating app, I message him. If I like a guy I flirt with him and eventually tell him. If you want something you should go after it no matter your gender.

  • I'm old school
    Men just want everything easy nowadays

  • It really doesn't matter in my opinion. Sometimes guys approach me first , sometimes I do the chasing first. Its all a matter of person feelings etc for me. I think too hard about it.

  • Both are ok. It's just that many men like to pursue a women in France and play hard to get so they're generally not interested when a women make the first move.

  • I won't ever approach a guy. Nope.

    • Why don't you?

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    • I think you're confused. My intention was never to convince you of anything. I could care less if you approach guys, get approached or live with cats for the rest of your life. lol

      And I think you're even more confused because just a minute ago you said you won't ever approach a guy, now you're saying you might if you're sure he likes you.

    • @ineverpayfordates I was adding an exception.

  • men always make the first move

  • I think k it depends on the person's in question. Some guys appreciate a woman making the first move, others like the chase... In most cases, get a feel of the other person first, get to know them, and go from there..

    • Yes, this. In other words, evaluate your chances of success in the situation before acting. Pay attention to the way the object of your affection responds to you. Did I read you right?

    • @brain5000 yes :)

  • I approached my boyfriend first. I really don't think there's any reason why this should still be an expectation in the 21st century.

    • Sure, and I'm happy for you, and your aspect in this is truly accepted and respected, but honestly, I do expect this even in the 21st century, i might be old school but I can't really change this behavior... not because i'm self centered, but because I don't really think it's for me to do the first step in approaching a guy and asking him to marry me.. <3 Thank you

    • @natured but you are self-centered. Otherwise, why would you be making this question? You are looking for validation.

    • @Kirah do you know me boo? Looks like you don't, before you JUDGE me based on a SIMPLE question I asked i would rather try and open your mind a little and accept the colorful choices us females have. I WAS only asking about a first step, this is it, i didn't ask about being a sexist or a feminist or an anti feminist, because after my boyfriend approached me I PAID on our first date, and now we both have equal values, he sometimes cook, and I sometimes fix the car, so what in the hell is wrong with all of you?

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