Does anyone constantly compare themselves to their current partner's ex?

I find I can't help it.

It isn't even just things like looks - if I'm being perfectly honest I think I'm probably more physically attractive than her. But with things like interests, I feel like they fit better i. e. were both into sports, hiking, whereas I'm more into music, arts etc. I also am terrified about meeting his family because I know they really liked her, and they were together for over two years. I also wonder if when we have sex if she was better than me...

How do I get over this? It's driving me crazy.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You're not alone. I personally think I'm more physically attractive than her but with interests, they definitely fit better, both into the same sport and would practice together, both play video games, granted I play one with him but she is better than me at it, while I dislike sports, I cook/bake, dance. He doesn't talk about his friends/girlfriends to his family but his parents knew about her while they don't know about me at all. She was his first, while he was mine, and since it was so special for me, I wonder if he holds his sexual experiences with her as special or better. I definitely compared myself and my relationship with him to his previous relationship a lot in the beginning of our relationship. But as time passed, I realized, he has made greater effort for me than he has for her, he has gone out of his way to do something out of character because it would make me happy while he never went out of his way for her. I also asked him what he finds special about me, and whenever I start comparing, I just remember those reasons, and I remember that he does things for me that he hasn't for her, and I feel better.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Nope. That is for them to do if they so choose.

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  • I do I'm white he's black the Fuck was that guys name oh yeah I'm still Fucking yo bitch

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  • not!

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  • no. never.

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What Girls Said 15

  • I did when I was younger. His ex was 6'0 tall. I'm 5'4. She had brown hair. Mine's blonde. She had brown eyes. Mine are green. She went to his school. I didn't.

    I stressed about it for a while when we first started dating and then I realized two things.

    1. They dated when he was 12 so she wasn't a threat at all.
    2. If she really was the type of female he preferred, I wouldn't be with him right now.

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  • I use to. But then I found things that I don't see me in him and her but they have the connection there that I don't have with him. It doesn't sit well with me, but I tell myself over and over again "they're not together anymore. So don't stress yourself out for no reason"

    Things didn't work out between them, so that's cool.

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  • ommmggg yess gurl! I'm dating this amazing guy and everytime I mess up, I think "oh i'm sure Sarah wouldn't habe hurt him like this". It's awful and I know I need to get that out of my head. He's not with SARAH! He chose MMMEEEEE!!! Just get it out of your head honey! He wants you, not that girl.

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  • No thatsnot healthyand there's a reason they aren't together.

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  • No, they were basic af.

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  • Well in a different way... like how much more in shape and less crazy I am. Haha

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  • I dont know much about his exes because he doesn't talk much about him. All I know is that his most recent ex cheated and had a temper. I've never cheated and I only have a temper while driving.

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  • I used to, but then I realize he is with me and not her so that must be something yeah

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  • All the time. It sucks, I know. Regardless of that persons looks, personality or otherwise.

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  • I think I probably will obsess over it for like 2 or 3 days then move on.

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  • no I don't do that

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  • I can't say the same. I mean, I do compare myself to my boyfriend's exes, but we live in a small town and I know most of them. I also know that I'm better than they are, and I don't mean that in a cocky way, I just mean that most of his exes are on welfare, are single mothers now mostly from one-night stands, have no career goals, have no desire for an education, they aren't kind people, they were incredibly jealous and insecure in their relationships, among other things. He seems to have a type, and I'm the only one that doesn't that description, which I actually consider to be a good thing. I also know that our relationship is the most mature and healthy one he's ever been in and his family has told me that I'm their favourite, so that kind of reassures me lol.

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  • I don't but only because I know nothing about them. Not their names , not what they looked like.

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  • i know i am better

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  • I never ask about his ex or anything relative to that so no

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