Am I a bad girlfriend?

My boyfriend is in the US Marines. However:
- I don't care about his career. I don't even know what rank he currently is.
- I reply to his messages whenever I can, but I never instigate. I always put my career ahead of him because only my career can feed me. I don't depend on him. Besides, I need to give him space to interact with his brothers in arms.
- I never post anything about him on FB. No #Mymarine or spamming any photos about how hard it is being in a military relationship.
- I am not a member of any military SO group. Or anything to do with the military, precisely.
- I don't wear pieces of his uniform or take pride in his job. I also don't have his dog tags or anything.
- I only say I love him sparingly.
- I don't care about his events nor either do I attend them.
- I don't associate myself as a military girlfriend or interact with others that are.

  • Yes you are.
    Vote A
  • No.
    Vote B
  • Other (explain).
    Vote C
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Most Helpful Guy

  • I mean, I don't even feel like the dude has a girlfriend if this is the case. I don't feel like you're in the right relationship. He needs as much support from you as he can get being in the Marines. If you just don't care for it, well, no one can exactly change that outlook for you. *just a question of curiosity* say he gets stationed overseas and he can bring you with him, would you go?

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    • Uh, no. My career is at stake. I don't have much time for him and I want to invest in my career. Asides from that, I'm working towards finishing university so I would get a shot at going officer fro the army. The military does interest me in some way, but I'm not interested in his progress. I don't like or wear his rank. If I did, I'd be a dependapotamus.

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    • I am quite cold and need space to recuperate. I have built a wall around myself after so many years but I am trying hard to break them down to let him in. I guess I am just insensitive. But I do love him for his personality and how supportive he is towards my career. He always gives me hope when I am down. He has been my rock so I would do the same for him. Except the time where I was in a bad mood because of failing a driving test. He said he is getting deployed soon and couldn't get in contact with me until his ship arrives. I answered "good luck and take care" and he was really angry when I said that. What does he expect me to say? I was in a bad mood and did not feel like talking.

    • Hmm. Maybe you could've worded it a bit differently? A quick apology for the short response and bad mood, then say you wish him the best or something? If you'd like to just vent, feel free to pm me. I don't mind listening.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think you are a "bad" girlfriend... but I don't think you understand or appreciate the significance of what he is doing. When people join the military, they are literally reprogramming themselves to be able and do whatever it takes to survive a life-or-death scenerio. It is, in a sense, torture. They are defending our country from intruders, and the government treats them like shit. People in the armed forces hate the US govt more than anyone. But they do it for their love of America and what it "should" stand for. They are also separated from their loved ones for months on end, with no real promise of returning home...

    It makes me wonder if you'd be happier in another relationship with someone who isn't in the military :/

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    • If you were with a guy in the military, would you post a lot of #Mymarine photos or wear parts of his uniform?

    • I dated a Marine and always made sure I told him how proud I was, and I did post about him being "My Marine". He was already discharged, but I did mention it to other people pretty frequently... I'm kinda patriotic.

    • You did like him for who he was before dating him. Even though he has discharged, you still support him. It's wonderful.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 10

  • It stands out to me the fact that you don't care enough to know something as simple as his rank. In a way it reflects that to you it's almost like he isn't a marine at all he's just your boyfriend, one with whom you seem to be very hands off with at that (though that by itself would be fine).
    Holding any career (military or no) takes a lot of dedication and hard work. Not about his career is like not caring about his hard work.
    I by no means wish to hurt your feelings, but I would call you a bad girlfriend because going only off what you listed it appears you don't think of your boyfriend as a real person.

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    • I appreciate your opinion. And I respect it. I am not thin skinned like some girls are and I respect honesty than fallacies. I know he works hard for his career, but I like him for his personality. I could support him in other ways than promoting his career. I try my best to not make him feel lonely because I have also moved away from my family for my career. I just don't want to demand recognition for something I haven't earned, like serving the country or going through bootcamp. I don't want to ride off his achievement or shove it down everyone's face that I'm a military girlfriend and I demand the same respect he does. He earned his uniform. I did not. I'm just his significant other, nothing more. But I am planning to join the army as an officer once I graduate from university. I don't want to become a dependapotamus. That is all.

    • Thank you so much for the clarification. It paints you in a much better light. Knowing all this you seem like a much better girlfriend than your original post made you sound. You should be fine.

  • Yup. If you're not head over heels over this guy then cut him loose. Find one you can be. The LAST thing a guy needs is some woman that really doesn't care much about him or what he does. It's one of their three primary needs, otherwise the relationship WILL fail.

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  • So why are you together?

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    • I like him for him. I don't like him because of his job. I focus on my career and I don't focus on him. I don't ride on his achievements, take any claims for it or wear parts of his uniform. There are others ways in which you can support him.

    • I agree, and liking him for him and not what he does is great, but you listed a bunch of things you don't do, so we don't really know what you actually do for him. I'm thinking it must be sort of difficult since he may not always be available/home. :)

    • Personality-wise, I am quite cold and need space to recuperate. I have built a wall around myself over the years, but I try to trust him and ensure that I won't make him feel alone. I understand what he is going through since I have also moved away from home for my career. I'm hoping to join the army as an officer after completing me degree. I'd imagine it'd be harder for us to get in touch with each other...

  • Didn't you already ask this question? Didn't you get like 20 something answers? Yeah I think shitty girlfriend. You already know I was in the Marine Corps. Just break up with him.

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    • So what do you expect me to do? Wear parts of his uniform, shove it down everybody's throats (and that I'm somewhat more superior), ride his on his achievements and demand the same respect? I'm just his significant other. I have not served or earned that uniform. I am currently a civilian. I cannot demand the same recognition and attention he has because I did not go to bootcamp or did I go through deployment to earn it. I like him for himself and is supportive in other ways. I do not like him in for his career.

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    • What are you talking about? I didn't ask you any question lmfao. "I actually am" what?

    • @rgb008 he thought I'm not actually with a marine. But I am, I just don't act like a typical military girlfriend.

  • You're more like a friend with benefits.

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  • You are cause you don't seem to seem to care about his career or take pride in what he does

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    • What's wrong with liking someone for them and not their career?

    • Well if you like someone you would be interested in talking to them about there career as well and be happy for them instead of saying I don't care about their career

  • Yes you are. He should get a new girlfriend

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    • So I'm horrible because I invest on finishing my university degree and joining the army as an officer? Yeah. And I don't focus on his career? Or become a dependapotamus by wearing his uniform and spam irritating photos of #Mymarine?

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    • So to be a good girlfriend, I need to rub it in everybody's face that I'm with a marine (and because he is) and they're not? And I should like him just for his job?

    • And ask for the same recognition when I haven't served? Or claim how hard it is to be a military girlfriend when he goes through so much more sjit being deployed? Or the fact I won't give him 5 kids, become a stay at home mom and brag to other women that my boyfriend is more superior?

  • Shitty girlfriend and person for even letting him waste his time/breath on you.

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    • So what do you expect me to do? Wear parts of his uniform, shove it down everybody's throats (and that I'm somewhat more superior), ride his on his achievements and demand the same respect? I'm just his significant other. I have not served or earned that uniform. I am currently a civilian. I cannot demand the same recognition and attention he has because I did not go to bootcamp or did I go through deployment to earn it. I like him for himself and is supportive in other ways. I do not like him in for his career. I also need time or space to recuperate. The only time where I was unsupportive was when I was in a bad mood. He told me he won't be able to speak to me in a month because of deployment. I said 'good luck and take care'. He was super angry. Why? What did he expect me to say or do? Cry? Beg him not to leave?

  • no I don't think so

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  • Why has he kept you? lol

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    • Uh, cause I'm not a dependapotamus?

What Girls Said 10

  • I don't think you're a necessarily a bad girlfriend if you don't want to be so involved with his job, but the not initiating texts or saying that you love him but sparingly, that does suggest otherwise.

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  • You don't need to be up his ass about his job in order to be considered a good girlfriend. The armed forces does not interest you and that is okay. He's serving and you're focused on your career, but somehow you guys find a way to make it work, this is great news. Lastly, personally you don't have to like the Marines, you just have to like that HE likes it. Does that make sense? You should be happy because he's doing something he enjoys, thats all.

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    • I actually want to join the army as an officer once I graduate from university. I do take interest in it to some degree, just not his progress.

  • I'm not going to say you're a bad girlfriend. I'd say it doesn't sound like you really want the relationship sounds like you're holding out and waiting for someone that you'd want to become a part of their life. It's pretty clear that you aren't interested in your current boyfriends life. I'd say move on. It's a favour to the both of you really.

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    • I do care about him and I do like him. He has a wondeful personality. I like him for him and not his career. I just don't want to shove the notion that I'm a military girlfriend down anyone's throat or feel more superior because of it. I do not deserve the same amount of respect he has earned through bootcamp or deployment. I am just his SO. I do try my best to be there for him as much as I could. I don't wear his uniform because I did not wear it and I would look stupid. Why should I post on FB everywhere that my boyfriend is a marine and not that I have a boyfriend and he is a wonderful person?

    • Woah chill mate. :V In my defense if you explained things like what you just did originally I wouldn't have said what I did. Your original post sounded very cold as if you were uninterested entirely. Sorry mate.

    • I don't mean to come off that way. I normally speak like this. I'm sorry if I did come of that way though. I respect everyone's opinion and I value the truth of their words. I don't live in a lie or neither do I live by it. Thank you for your answer :)

  • How long have you been together?

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    • It's been about 7 odd months now. We rarely argue or get into conflicts. He's just a bit insecure about me seeing other people.

  • I am extremely surprised that he wants to even associated with someone who takes little, if any at all, interest in him.

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    • So I'm apparently horrible because I do not ask for recognition when I haven't served? Or worn bits of his uniform, buy a coach purse, give him 5 kids and ride on his ranks/achievements?

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    • *wouldn't*

    • Well he was really angry once. He was getting deployed and I only said "good luck and take care". What does he expect me to do and say? Shout and scream for him not to leave?

  • I feel like you've asked this before and we talked lol

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    • Yep lmao. Said the same thing.

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    • Well support is always there when I was in. All within rational moderation though. I can't stand when girlfriends wear "My boyfriend is a Marine tshit" and all that. It's not really socially acceptable to be overboard with all of that stuff. At the same time it's not really socially acceptable to not give a shit at all. I'm sure they are certainly proud though. That's more of a @rgb008 question since she is a military girlfriend. I can speak on behalf of being a Marine but she has the girlfriend perspective.

    • @Chico_brah Yeah. I can't stand those who buy military coach purses or orders a military-style jacket (the one where they put "spouse" on where the name tag is). On Facebook, I've seen the Dear Dependa page and saw how entitled those spouses act. Some of them show how annoying and bitchy some military spouses can be to one another. Some of them show the spouses acting entitled to a salute because their officer is a husband. I have never been part of the community and wondered if this was the norm.

  • if you haven't shown any affection towards him at all, i dont see a point for your relationship.

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    • I don't want to shove the idea that I'm a military girlfriend down anyone's throat. He's a normal person just like everyone else. I am supportive in other ways and I like him because he has a beautiful personality. I don't like him for his career and for the person he is.

    • i would hope you dont like him just for his career, the most important thing is that he and you as well feel the connection and one or the other us not getting put down by either of your actions. If you like him for the way he is, and he is ok with all the ways you act towards him there shouldn't be any problem :)

  • No

    Shit

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    • Should I become a dependapotamus to prove that I am? Drop out of university, give up my career and pop out 5 kids just to spend more time with him?

  • yes you are a bad girlfriend, just be friends with benefits.

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    • I am a virgin and we haven't have sex yet. I don't thrive on sex in relationships. So just because I don't act entitled to his achievements and demand the same respect he has earned through deployment and bootcamp, I am apparently horrible?

  • no you are good

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