Meeting my boyfriends 14 year old daughter for the first time?

Hello, I'm supposed to meet one of my BF's children (the youngest) in a couple weeks and I'm scared as hell.
We've been dating a year and a half and the mother hasn't been willing to allow it until recently. And now I find myself wanting to back out. I successfully avoided the last time we could have met. I feel terrible because I'm sure it will mean a lot to him, but I feel like I'm putting myself on the block to be judged and all my stats to be reported back to mom (who hates me despite not knowing me at all). I offered to meet the mom first so that she could tell me a little about what she expects, etc and she basically told my boyfriend to tell me to "F" off. I'm worried the kids have already been poisoned about me.
The "meeting" will be at a family party so lots of people. But I'm already looking for excuses to back out of it.
I used to be so excited and adamant about meeting them, but over time I feel like things have been going just fine without us interacting.
Need opinions... Guys? How would you feel if your girlfriend really didn't want to meet your kids? Girls/Guys, any tips in case the meeting happens? I don't want to appear desperate for her affection but want to look warm and inviting and not awkward.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Yep, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and just say "hello" to her. She is probably just as nervous as you. 14 is old enough to see her mom is full of shit, so give her some credit and let her see you are a great person to share your life with her dad! Good luck!


Most Helpful Girl

  • though i haven't been in your exact situation, i was the child in such a scenario~ my parents split up when i was 8 and have been with their new partners for 20+ years.

    in my mom's case, she dated my (step) dad for a year before introducing him to my sister and i as her "friend". since he had 2 kids from his first marriage, i imagine he already had some idea of what to expect and thus took his time; he didn't try to be dad right away, but he let my sister and i come to him when we felt comfortable.

    (they married when i was 13, and it was around that time that i started calling him dad. it stuck, and he's still dad, almost 20 years later)

    i should ask my mom and dad how they felt about meeting each other's kids for the first time... in the meantime, just be friendly and not over the top; you don't want to smother her, so just let her come to you.

    oh, and good luck!


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • deep breathes girl. 3 seconds in 5 seconds out. talk to your boyfriend how you feel. tell him your scared how they will react. he would understand.


What Girls Said 1

  • I grew up in home where my parents divorced. My mom remarried twice and my dad remarried once. You are correct. The kids will hate you at first, but you are the adult in the situation. They will not understand why their dad wants you instead of their mom whom they adore. It is human nature and all kids have a desire to protect and please their mother. Your job is to show them that you respect their mother and are a kind and okay person as well. As far as not meeting them... I am a parent myself. My kids are the #1 priority in my life. I would not date someone who did not want anything to do with my kids. They are only children. It will be difficult, but you are an adult who can empathize and be a source of support for them. I really hope this goes well for all of you, and am sending positive vibes your way.