If you had a problem dating how did you change things?

So I'm running into a wall. Guys want to hang out with me, have sex with me, date me. But no one wants a relationship with me. I'm myself and I attract a lot of men but none of these men want to be serious with me. Plenty of guys have told me I'm "gf/wife material." Yet these same guys don't want that.

It's me. My friends have stayed in relationships since we were 14. We're 22 and they're now in long term relationships. I'm just getting over the fifth or sixth guy in a row.

I want to know how to change my luck in dating. This can't be normal. I'm tired of flings, I'm ready to be with someone longterm. I just don't know how to get there.

Updates:
*just somethings about me

22. Not a lot of money because of school. School/hw during the week and work on the weekend so no time to really do anything. I'm black (ethnicity does matter). Feminine. Laid back. Goofy. Doesn't take life too serious. Working on a career. Straight forward, honest, loyal. Doesn't tolerate lying, disrespect, or anything like that. I do NOT have sex with everyone I date.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • ''I'm tired of flings, I'm ready to be with someone longterm. ''

    This is where you went wrong. If all you want is a relationship then that's all that you accept. You having flings or casual stuff against your own desires just shows a lack of discernment and no willpower.

    ''I'm just getting over the fifth or sixth guy in a row.''

    See above...

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    • People have told me you can't force relationships, I have to go with the flow and they just happen, so that's why I was allowing them to happen. I thought they was how relationships got started.

      People I know would be calling someone their bf/gf after only going for a week so I thought I was doing it right.

      Before I started allowing the flings to happen I wasn't getting dates at all. I actually scared people off.

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    • And that's my point... you weren't willing to face the potential consequences of standing up for your desired choice (scaring people away). So due to this, now you have a bunch of flings under your belt and no relationships. It's quite possible that the right sort of guy wouldn't have been scarred away but you didn't have the conviction to give that a chance.

      You'd still be a virgin? As opposed to having had casual sex with multiple guys?

    • I understand now.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I make it clear early in the getting to know each other stage that I don't casually date or hookup. My personality conveys that I won't tolerate dudes who expect either. Some girls want to get a guy so bad that they'll behave more passively and fluid as to not scare potential guys off, which in turn hurts them by making a guy think that he doesn't have to take things seriously.

    I think it's better to chase off the ones who don't have the same values as you rather than hope the wrong guys will change.

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    • That makes sense. I used to do that but I was never getting dates that way

    • Is better than wasting your time though isn't it? Better to wait if you ask me.

    • Yeah that's true. I hate wasting time. I mainly stopped because I felt left out to be honest.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 12

  • Not much here to work with, but my first thought, is that you are letting them have sex with you too soon, and to easily!
    Make him work for it, and get to know you!!
    If you have sex in the first month of knowing him, he's maybe thinking you are too easy, and maybe 'sleep around' with a lot of guys!
    Guys like a challenge, usually, and if you just let him have you, he will just put another 'mark' on that 'bed post' and move on to the next 'Conquest'!
    It's how Nature and Evolution made us!!
    Some, however are more 'Evolved' and are looking for something serious, long term, and if you have sex too early, he's thinking you are one of 'THOSE TYPES'!!
    Make him work for it! You are worth it!!

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  • be hard to get if you make the guy put in effort show more personality than body if you know don't give out the goods till he shows commitment

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  • I think that your an amazing individual, but in order for you to change your luck in dating, I believe you should make it harder for guys to get with you; test them to see if it is really you they want or just sex. Also I believe you should take life more seriously because by doing this, you will change your view on life and eventually you will start to change for the better.

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    • You think not taking life seriously is a bad thing? I hate being serious all the time, gives me a headache.

    • Yes, I think it's a bad thing. I'm not saying you should be serious all the time but be serious in a way that you can look at life with a more mature perspective and still have fun. It's a balance. It's like being half serious and half not serious.

  • If you want a serious relationship, put yourself out there. approach possible mates, don't let guys approach you.

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    • That sounds easier said then done.

    • I didn't say it was going to be easy. You want something, go and get it yourself. Don't expect it to come to you. Because it won't.

  • Without being one of you guys dates or one of your frends it's very Hard to tell.

    It may be the characters of the guys you chose or something your doing your not aware of thats sending them perceived red flags or something in common with them or the guys feel it's moving too fast and get scared off.
    Women also tend to want commitment more and earlier than guys do so that doesn't help.
    It's also hard to make things work when you have very little time.

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  • Stop looking... that's my only advice. Stop pressuring yourself and live the present for you and yourself. Be happy with the person you are and that will attract the right person for you. But give time... don't rush to the next person until you're sure that you love yourself first.

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  • Hey at least you get attention from the opposite sex. Girls barely even look at me, and they never talk to me. I'd love to get the kind of attention from girls that you get from guys. Just be patient, if that many guys are into you then odds are one of them will become interested in a more serious relationship with you.

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  • You can anyways believe me that all this "nice guy" shit of you girls won't ever work out for you. You talk trash that does never fit to you anyways. I hate such girls.

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  • I always check the calendar before I write the date to see if it's right

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  • confidence. got some. problem solved

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  • I feel you understand going through the exact same thing I want to be with someone long term

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  • there is probably something about you that makes men not want to be with you, maybe the way you look or present yourself

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What Girls Said 8

  • I completely understand how you feel. When I was in high school there were guys who'd have girlfriends yet were still wanting to date me at the same time and telling me how great of a girl I am etc. i don't have a big butt or big boobs and never carried myself to be that type of girl but yet dudes still try. Since I've been in college, I don't really get that type of attention and usually I get approached by guys who actually want something serious from me. You can't really control the type of guys who approach you unfortunately. I've never had a serious relationship and I used to think something was wrong with me but now I'm just waiting until God says it time.

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  • don't go looking for a date, because som people are able to sense your desperation and end up taking advantage as they know you like them too much. Do what you love doing e. g playing sports, going to the gym, hanging with friends and you;ll soon meet a compatible partner who'll treat you right.

    And when you do find someone and start dating them, make it clear that you want a long term relationship, otherwise you're just going to get your time wasted.

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  • What's changed about me and any luck with dating -- is the fact that I haven't changed and I never will!

    At the start of past relationships, I acted like this shy, meek, proper type lady... and clearly this attracted the wrong type of man for me because as the relationship went on my dirty sense of humour started to show, I started to swear a bit more, and I started speaking my mind. These guys were not expecting any of this from me.

    I learned after my last break up that I will never be happy unless I'm truly being myself. That being said should I ever "need" to change myself for someone then they aren't worth my time. It's uncomforable when you feel like you need to surpress who you are.

    I'm determined to always be myself. It's not always easy to get there, but once you do the confidence just flows.

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  • Stop giving it up. Tell them you are trying to be celibate until marriage. If they want to be with you for the long haul they will wait. If they just want to hit and quit they will leave. It helps weed out the bad guys.

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  • My guess is it's your personality or the guys you're with aren't ready for a commitment.

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  • It's as if I wrote this question...
    I'm stuck on the same cycle, I don't know how to help you nor myself

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  • Ugh me too

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  • Girl we're in the same boat, in 21 and currently speaking to a guy. By speaking I mean I asked him out he said yes, and we haven't set a date, this was almost a week ago. I always feel like that also, but with what's happening to me right now, I keep telling myself that when it doesn't work out with this person or that person, your on the track of finding the person you are actually destined to be with. It could be soon or later you never know, you just have to be patient. You'll find him eventually, as I know I will. Maybe this guy and i will get together despite what's somewhat going on right now or maybe not. Time tells. Everything happens for a reason.

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