After 7 mos, what's going on here? what do I do?

I've been seeing this guy for 7 mos. We go on dates and hang out, I've met his mom and he's met my daughter. After being intimate he won't spend the night but he will ask me to but I won't because he lives with his mom. For Christmas we got each other gifts. Valentine's I didn't even get a happy Valentine's Day but we had a date that weekend for valentines. He has single guy friends and always wants to hang out and do stuff with them. He likes to drink a lot and it's something that bothers me. As having been on dates I see how much he likes it. If I have a girls night and he will ask how many times I gave my name out or got hit on. If i get a text he will say tell them you're busy or try to see who it's from. He calls me every morning, we talk on our lunch break and after work. I have a busy schedule being a mom and we don't see each other much like before. I feel like an after thought at this point. He always wants to know what I'm doing and won't tell me much when it comes to him now. I have family coming in this weekend and he wants to meet them. I am not so sure if that's a good idea. He was the first to say I love you and I have said it back. He has introduced me as his girlfriend to his mom and family friends. Calls me love in front of his closest friend. When we first noticed the distance between us we had a conversation and he got emotional about me being in his life. All of this has me confused and annoys me. What do I do or what should I do?
Another thing is he asks to be invited to my daughters extra curricular activities. I haven't invited yet.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Does he give you an accounting of what happens when he goes out with friends? I assume he doesn't. He might be mildly controlling since he doesn't want you going out with friends (asks you to tell them you're busy), tries to screen your incoming calls/texts, and asks for an accounting of your night out. However, unless you also tries to isolate you from family/work then in my opinion he is mildly controlling and it is very likely due to jealousy (you're spending time with people you don't HAVE to spend time with and you might be getting hit on). If this is the case, it is possible that if he works on being less jealous, feels more secure, he won't be controlling. If he tries to isolate you from work as well or family as well, then he's probably actually just controlling and it would be extremely difficult to fix that.

    He sounds self centered, he considers only himself. He wants you to stay over (without considering that he lives with his mom, and what she might think of you staying over also what if you had to pick up your daughter from a sitter/family/friend). He likes hanging out with friends but doesn't like you to hang out with your's because he would rather you spend time with him. He doesn't wish you a Happy V-day because it likely didn't occur to him as something to do because probably like most guys, he doesn't care much about V-day and does the requisite date/flowers because it's socially required of him to do so. You feel like an afterthought because he thinks of himself first.

    I think it's fair to not involve him in your daughter's extra-curriculars and to not introduce him to your family. I'm really on the fence with this guy, not a huge fan of him based off of what you have said. Assuming best case scenario, he's not controlling he was just jealous and he is self-centered, those aren't easy traits to alter. Do you want to put in the effort to help him fix that, personally I wouldn't because you also have a daughter to raise and work and friends, you have a busy life. In addition, he likes his alcohol a bit too much (is he borderline alcoholic or doesn't have much control over himself when he is around alcohol?), which depending on the severity, I would not consider anything long term with him because I would not want my daughter to grow up with a step father who has a bad relationship with alcohol. If he is actually just controlling, I would leave him, a controlling behavior it can lead to more emotionally abusive behaviors.


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  • He sounds controlling and that's all red flags


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