If a guy doesn't want to date, but hang out?

What is his intention? I used to date a guy, only three dates, he ended it and wanted to be friends, I don't treat him as friends, just someone I know. He always wants to hang out every weekend and I find it really weird as if he doesn't have anyone else to meet. When I tell him my plans for the weekend, he asks who is it with? Where are you going? (Wtf?) We never had sex during the time we dated either.

What does he want? Does he genuinely want to just 'hang out' and be friends? I don't hang out with my friends every weekend, that's why I find it a really bizarre behaviour. Or is there more to it?


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What Guys Said 2

  • Well, my 2 cents on the matter.

    I have been on two date in my life cause wanted to try this out but that was kind of awkward moments cause I did not have a clue of what to do and stuff.

    Yet the girl, I met was nice so I just plain tell her that I did made a mistake trying to date but I would be confortable going out from times to times like go see a movie or share a coffee or an expo.

    We are still friends by now and she has a boyfriend who is a nice guy, he asked me if he could train with me a couple times cause he wanted to go back in a bit more shape.

    I don't hang out with her/them all the time tough, like 1-2 times a month sometimes more sometimes less, I don't know just like you do with friends lol.

    So maybe you just encounter a guy like me that just try to date and realise it is not for him and he prefers to have good friends. If it is the case, just give up the idea of dating him cause that is not gonna to happen.

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    • Thanks for the advice. I thought so too, but I feel he wants to hang out every weekend - I don't see my friends that often compared to me seeing him. That's what I find strange, he doesn't want to date, but we are seeing each other as often as if we were.

      Last night I hung out with him - he self-invited himself and he kept making 'future plans' with me saying we should make a list and do all this stuff together, even mentioned that we can meet on a weekday after work and go for dinner. I told him that he's busy and would be tired after work and he replies with 'no I won't, I finish at 5:30, let me know when you want to go for dinner during the week too'. We have always hung out on weekends for drinks and last night, he did say 'since meeting , we've always had drinks only, let's do dinner tonight'

      He still holds my hand/small of my back when crossing the road/ guiding me. I feel he is still blurring the boundaries here, which makes me really confused. Am I overthinking it?

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    • He does have a lot of friends, but I've never met them - though they know who I am and who he has been hanging out with, even though they know we are no longer 'dating'. We were never friends to begin with as we met online. And the reason why he ended it after three dates was he didn't want to tie me to one corner as I'm perfect and have all the qualities a guy would want as he thinks I'm the coolest girl he knows and wants to be friends and not lose me... but I think he has low self-esteem because if I was who he described me as, why won't he just continue dating - instead he is keeping me around by 'hanging out'.

      I'm just worried if he is trying to start from a friends perspective and see if it develops into something else as that is what he described once when we went on dates that he was looking to make friends and see how it develops and which direction it goes. But I don't know if it still applies now. My friends tell me to stop seeing him, as I still like him.

    • The dude probably wants to be with you but don't have the "ballz" to ask you out for various reasons. If he just wanted to be friend, he would not, at least I believe, "flirt" with you by holding your hand or stuff like that which I believe is the kind of thing you do to your girlfriend or the girl you want to be your girlfriend. For instance, for my part, I never assume anything more than friendship, I mean anything more do not even come to my mind so I will not do that.

      Therefore, as far as it goes for you, here are your options :
      - you want him to be your boyfriend then either you wait for him to make a move, be prepare to wait a long time especially if you don't make it really easy, or do the move yourself by asking him that you want to be his girlfriend.
      - you don't want him to be your boyfriend then it's ok and enjoy this friend.

      someone with low self, lol unless you tie him on a bed, he might not make a move so either you do the job if you want to be with him or just leave it up.

      Wish you well.

  • First let me know your outlook about Date and Hangout

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    • Date - meet someone that has an intention to date/have a relationship with

      Hang out - just purely friends with no other intention and just catch up/do nothing purposeful

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    • I don't think so. He's quite socially awkward he says and very quiet. I was the one that always talked during the time we dated. But he was the one that ended it, and I completely backed off and don't initiate conversations since I don't want to be tied to him if there's no intention to date. But he always texts me every wk and asks what my plans were. Even now I told him what my plans were, he asks 'with who? With family? Let me know if you want company' like wtf...

    • oh got it.. He neither survive with you Nor survive without you... You seems Bestie of him... It happens usually among boys and girls

What Girls Said 1

  • His intention is to hook up with you from time to time. He considers you an options among all the other options he has

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