Long distance trust issues?

Hello. I'm currently in a long distance something, it's basically not a relationship because he said he doesn't want me to feel trapped or something.
But we act like a couple. He's really nice to me and all but i have a huge problem with trust issues. I feel like i barely trust him even though he says he's honest with me and i feel like it's eating me from inside out. We mostly talk on whatsapp and sometimes he tells me he goes to sleep and then he's active for 2 or more hours; it's these kind of things that make me doubt him. Also i'm really unpatient to meet him and want to make so many plans but he just doesn't seem tu put in the same effort. I often feel like i care about him more than he does and that he's currently talking to other girls too, and i'm just there as a spare tire.
And he often tells me that when he will be interested in a girl, he will tell me, which is stupid because why would he be interested in another woman when he suposedly cares about me, even though i live far away.
How can i build trust in this somewhat relationship that we have and how do i stop doubting him and feel this insecure?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I can't speak for everyone else but for me it's important to get a little "me" time whether I'm in a relationship or not so I might say that "I'm going to bed" when I mean "I'll soon be going to bed". That doesn't mean that I don't love the girl in question or that I'm interested in someone else... it just means that I want some time alone.

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    • Why does the alone time mean spending time on whatsapp?:)) i have no problem with him having his alone time and i respect his privacy, but i can't seem to find another reason for why would he be spending that much time active besides talking to another chick

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    • This is complicated, you both have to be honest with each other about these things.. as i told you try to FaceTime him that would make him feel close to you and would stop him from doing stupid things. And trust him, if he really talks to other girls would not go off on you for question like that

    • @Badbehaving I'm not so sure about that, he'd be just as likely to go off if he feels guilty.

      But is he constantly set as online or does it flip back and forth? I was once accused of talking to another woman at 3:30 in the morning (when I was fast asleep) because someone had sent me a message and apparently that changed me to be "online".

      Obviously it's possible that he is messing around with other girls but I'm just saying that it's also possible that there are other explanations.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Honestly, this doesn't sound like a healthy situation. If you aren't even together and you already have trust issues then it's unlikely that the relationship to be successful. Building trust takes time but it fully depends on both you and the other person. How he acts and how he treats you is a major part of trusting. If he lies or acts shady, you won't be able to build that trust. So it depends on him as much as it depends on you.

    You can try talking to him about it and tell him you don't like how things are going currently and that you want more from him. Tell him the things he does/says that bothers you. If he continues doing those things even after you tell him it bothers you, then he clearly doesn't care. So just communicate with him and then watch his actions after that to see how he really feels. Ultimately, if you feel like you're putting in more effort and that you care more, then it may just be best to move on and find someone else who will give you the same amount of effort and attention that you are willing to give.

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    • I communicate with him and tell him everything that bothers me because i just can't keep it to myself. And yes, i do realise that my behaviour is unhealthy and can ultimately destroy our relationship, but i can't help it. I fell in love with him and i keep thinking that maybe he's not that serious about this as i am. I just need to grow up and start trusting him but i also don't wanna get hurt. I just don't know anymore

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    • I did not to talk to him about this one particular problem yet, i wanted to hear your oponion first.
      I just feel like i'm falling in love with him and i need stability and commitment but i don't know if he's willing to offer me that due to the distance. I'm afraid that he will meet a girl from the same city and will forget about me immediately, although i can feel that he's into me as Well. Do you see my point? I'm full of insecurities and always think about the worst

    • Yeah, I understand. It's obviously a complicated situation but I think at the end of the day, you just have to do whatever you feel is best for YOU. If you want to keep trying, then talk to him again and tell him exactly what you are telling me here. See how he responds which will be an indication of how he feels. Don't allow him to string you along though. Either he cares and eventually wants a relationship with you or he doesn't. You don't deserve to sit around for months or years waiting on him to be "ready" or "change his mind." Be strong and stand up for yourself.

What Guys Said 1

  • Well to start you can just stop and let go of the doubting. As it would probably make him suspicious of you. Also if anything he would thank you for keep standing by his side.

    What is probably annoying you is how passive he is.

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    • Well, it's easy to say but hard to do. I'm just stuck in this feeling that he will eventually hurt me

    • Well he will if you keep letting yourself not trust in him. If he feels that your not trusting in him then of course he will feel like he can take advantage of you. You gotta invest in him as much as he is. And starting with trusting in what he says. Or this will become a toxic cycle, if it hasn't already.

What Girls Said 2

  • Talk to him thro calls not messages and try to spend more time with him. If these didn't work with him, leave him you don't have to be with someone who doesn't feel the same towards you.

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  • Don't let him to hurt you. You are in difficult situation cause you can't control what he to do. If you are really love him you should try to trust him if he really loves you he would never ever look any other girl. You should make him you are no longer chase him he should be chase you. he should be afraid to lose you if you make him to afraid to lose you he might be put an effort. A relationship should work both ways he must be put an effort like you do.

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