Should I take dating advice from my mother?

My mom found out that I'm dating an older guy and she kept telling me that he's probably just using me, that guys only respect and like girls with slim waists and no body fat (I'm a bit thick), and that I'm too shy to even be having sex and therefore, I'm too innocent to be loved by anyone?

Is she right? Are some people just "too innocent", too fat, or too young to be taken seriously?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Keep in mind that even though parents do try to have the best intentions when it comes to their children it does not necessarily mean they are right. You can take her advice and just have that as something to think over, but this is a choice that, no matter what anyone else says, you have to make for yourself, either by urself or with your boyfriend. I would not say anyone is "too anything" to be taken seriously, it depends on the guy, and it will take many years to be able to figure out who you can and can't trust and will will never be able to tell for sure. Just use your best judgement and see what happens. Maybe he is using, maybe he is not. You could ask your friends about their experiences but honestly it just comes down to your best judgement, no one else can tell you what to do.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I say that your mother is being very unrealistic. Not trying to assume, but she slunds immature and probably jealous. None of what she said about you and guys preferences makes sny sense. How does that apply to you?

    What I gathered from what you discribed is exactly that: she's talking about you. Now here is the main thing about everything she said. The guy is older right? Most older guys sadly is hard to describe depending on age and your age. If he is like nearing his 30's, or mid 30s and your like 18,19 young then yeah. I will be highly suspicious of that as to why he can't or won't attract women around his age. The reality is a lot of guys as well as girls use each other in their own way, not just for sex. Being slim is just a society standard by peer pressure and social conditioning of what makes a woman sexy and ideal for men. And sadly, being intoverted, shy or socially awkward tend to not do well in dating when society tells you that being an extrovert and the opposite of that is, once again, ideal. And innocence, mainly sexual integrity and staying a virgin till marriage is considered prudish to secular people.

    What she said has some truth to the overall reality of society. But the thing is that we don't know you, and who you are as a person to based those judgements on. What matters is that you knkw yourself as a person and that your wise enough to make proper decisons. Right now you lack a lot of confidence. And until you get away from your mother with her abusive way of tearing you, you won't know unless you try. I would not suggest dating men over 5 years. But unless you know what his intentions are, your stuck. But depending on his relationship views and preference. Nearly over 90% of people date for a sexual relationship in some way or form. I would tell you to wait till marriage for sex. You don't sound like you would be able to hand the consequences of it without that kind of trust in the first place. And your sensitive. But I don't know what you believe. I just feel that your making a mistake dating right now knowing you have all these insecurities that can destroy this relationship if you lack belief in yourself.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 18

  • I'll tackle the details for you. But short answer. You should take heed and follow your own instincts.

    Detailed.

    "probably using you."
    - that only happens when a girl has nothing to offer, she's boring and she does nothing to get to know the guy, or could be she aleays playing the male role. She has too much make up and you can't tell her anything. Those girls get used.

    " guys only respect and like girls with slim waists and no body fat."

    True. To a degree. Guys don't mind body fat as long as your working it off, slim waist is depending upon the guy.

    " too shy to be having sex."
    One thing guys hate is a girl taking too long to have sex. If the girl is too shy, insecure or is scared then it's best to let him know before hand.

    In total if all these are true your best bet is to stay friends. I'm with your mom in this one. 80%.

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    • My mom said that because I don't have much dating experience and because I just have a shy personality, that guys will perceive me as being too naive and try to take advantage of me.

      I mean, how the hell am I supposed to get the experience to begin with? Do I have to get used until I can become wise and knowledgeable?

    • Show All
    • Is there any way to become wise and knowledgable without getting hurt? I'm already starting to feel the pain.

    • Don't. 1st off never let someone opinion of you be your reality, 2nd don't fake or change for no one. No matter what. 3rd get to know the guy. ( you must know his birthday, how his friends and family is, and what music he listens to.) 4th don't be those types of girls that over think stuff. Turn off. Don't give into your emotions 100% of time. Tone down or don't put him through your shit test the guy. super turn off and you'll be cheated on ASAP! Lastly don't play nooooooo games.

  • I'd generally don't take fat girls, feminists, and a few other categories seriously so maybe, it depends on how fat you are. I also generally find it hard to take anyone under 14-15 seriously (there are a few rare exceptions that are mature for their age), so there is such a thing as "too young to be taken seriously".

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  • What rubbish.

    It matters nothing if you are a bit chubby. That's sexy.

    Everyone starts by being "innocent".

    Being shy can be so attractive in it's own right.

    If your guy is content to be with you without sex, I doubt very much he's using you.

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  • The part about him using you so he gets a young pussy is mostly true. Very few guys really want to date a younger girl. How old are we talking about? 5 9 years?

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  • Some people are like that and some are not. It's a 50/50 chance but there's a lot of guys that prefer a thicker girl. As for the rest no matter what in relationship advice with family and close friends they're going to be favoring you.
    Personally I don't let age get in the way within reason because I don't want to many barriers when it comes to finding love. However I have been burned in the past because of this.
    As for innocence once again that's a 50/50 chance to whether or not a guy is into that.
    Tread carefully and pay attention to details.

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  • I think your mom needs to get laid.

    Don't worry about it. Lots of guys can legitimately care for younger girls and value them. Trust your logic.

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  • She's dead fucking wrong

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  • Don't take dating advice from your mom. Her interest is in maintaining the cute baby child who would never marry and leave her.

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  • mmmmm... I'd listen to mama on this one sweetheart.

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    • wait... misread the question. I think she's wrong but be careful with older guys honestly.

  • She's wrong at best. Lying at worst.

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  • I did in early High School. It always back fired on me. Ask a close friend. Also my friend he likes thicker girls. He could probably get any girl he wanted. But he likes to have sex with fat girls on occasion. Its possible that's all he wants. But just because he's "older" doesn't mean he just wants to fuck you. I hope I helped.

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  • I'm torn because parents have a lot of wisdom and should be listened to but if the message is that you aren't worthy of love then I disagree.

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  • Just be smart give him a test to see if he likes your thick body, don't rush it just ask him some question if he takes time to answer your question or he doesn't look at you in the eyes just know is not real or you're choosing the wrong guy

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  • Be a good girl and listen to mommy, ok?

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  • I don't think most guys respect girls who look a certain way. I respect women who are good to me and treat me how I want to be treated. TBH I think it's more of attitude attitude toward things

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  • I don't think so but I don't believe love and sex are linked

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  • I will just say this. If he judges your weight, he isn't real. I love my fiance thick or thin and you need to find someone who will do the same.

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  • I think that if the guy is 27+ years old, he is more likely to be looking for a lasting relationship, so if that is what you want, then stay with him. Just don't expect him to change hardly anything about himself. By that age, most guys have things the way they like it and don't want change.
    I am in my mid 30s and I have been wearing the same kinds of clothes for over 20 years now. I mostly like the same music and kinds of TV shows and movies, etc.

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What Girls Said 7

  • Don't take her advice. She's emotionally abusive. I hope the guy treats you better, because you deserve it.

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  • Your mom sounds like a bitch. She shaming your body and personality and calling you not good enough. Usually parents are perceptive. The guy might be using you. Or you could be an awesome person who he sees as attractive and fun to be around with a good mind. Keep your eyes pealed, but don't jump to conclusions.

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  • You are dating him not your mother. You are free to date who you want. Your mother's opinion should not matter. Go with your heart

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  • Honey, I have been dating older men my whole life. I am 21 now and my last boyfriend was almost 50. He treated me like a queen. Never left my side or treated me terribly. Older men value younger girls... trust me. And your mother needs to smoke one. If anything she needs to tell you whatever makes you the most happiest. I stopped caring what my parents said awhile ago.

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  • Its possible that he's using you. But either way your mum is a bitch.

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  • If you trust her than go ahead

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  • Tell him you won't have sex with him till marriage, and if he still stays with you and agrees to that then chances are he is not using you,

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