How do you respond when someone tries to get physical with you before you are ready for it?

How do you respond when someone tries to get physical with you before you are ready for it?If you haven't been dating long, you may still be trying to decide if this one is a reasonable prospect or whether you just need to move on to the next "contestant." So, maybe you aren't ready for anything physical beyond holding hands and maybe a goodnight kiss if it isn't too slobbery!

What if your partner surprises you by trying to kiss you, or trying to fondle you, when you aren't yet ready? Of course, if you tell him, "Slow down! We're not ready for that!" and he ignores you, you want to tell him to drop dead and have a lousy life.

But suppose that he says, "Okay. I'm sorry. I'm just really attracted to you," and then he acts like a gentleman for the rest of that date. Is that a deal breaker? Do you say to yourself, "Well, I don't blame him. No man has ever been able to control himself around me!"? Do you think "Get me outta here. I never wanna see this loser again!"? How does that behavior factor in to your decision about whether to try another date?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • If he respects my decision and understands that I'm not ready yet then I will automatically respect him more myself and would not mind going on another date as long as I enjoyed the date to begin with. A guy acting like a gentleman is never going to be a deal breaker.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I pull away. My love language is physical touch and it sets off internal alarms if / when a gal even touches me too quickly after meeting me.

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What Girls Said 14

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  • This actually happened to me on a first date haha
    The guy went in to kiss me and I kind of backed away because I wasn't ready and I was reallyyy embarrassed lol
    On top of it all my mouth spoke before I could speak and I asked him if he was trying to kiss me
    He seemed quite embarrassed too but I told him it was okay and I apologized, but he didn't seem to be that affected because an hour after our date he texted me and asked me out on another one

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  • I might say that I do not want to get attached to someone too quickly, that physical intimacy means something to me. That I want to take things slow, that I just don't want to/am not ready for it.

    I will say what I AM comfortable with but make boundaries. I am very honest and upfront though, people are different. You have to practice to feel comfortable.

    But "no" always means "no."

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  • I kick them really hard in the balls and yell "THAT'S MY PURSE!"

    JK!

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  • I'd grab him by the gooch and tell him NO MEAN NO! MY BODY MY CHOICE!

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  • I have enough experience on going on 1st dates and knowing what I want. I can remember they have all been wonderful and its just attraction that either can go for a second date. All the dates have been fun, none attempted to be physical or disrespectful except for one.

    I wasn't attracted towards him. His picture didn't match. He didn't want to go for coffee/tea/dinner... till he got to know me more. I wanted to leave because i was bored but i was friendly, I talked to him, was helpful about some business ideas i had. He eveually asked me to go to a restaurant after talking for about an hour in an open meet up area. He was okay with splitting the bill (my first)... at that point, i just wanted to leave. He walked me to my car and tried to kiss me. I said I dont want to. I was kinda upset at that point. He left disappointed and never heard. What a relief lol...
    My friendliness may have giving him the wrong idea.

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    • The lesson is that how YOU think you are projecting yourself to others may not be how THEY actually see you.

    • I have learned my lesson. But hard to not be a friendly person. I have learned to cut out the flirty part knowing I am not interested.

      To answer your question, like one of the posts... i would become more friendly, touchy, flirty if I like you and won't mind your advance in terms of being flirty and touchy, playful. These are the receptive ways to show I am open and happy hanging out with you.

  • Still date him but continue to take it slow

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  • push them away

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  • Deal. Breaker. Plenty of guys respect you enough to never do those things.

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  • I retreat

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  • I say no

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  • OlderAndWiser can I send you a private message?

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  • I have my boundaries in mind, and I give fair warning when I feel things are starting to go where I don't want them to go. I set clear expectations. Usually that works very well. The ones who push the boundaries get pushed back. Maybe verbally, maybe physically.

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  • No, I'd be done even if he was fine after that.

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What Guys Said 15

  • If its someone I don't like i will either tell them directly or send them some kind of signal that i'm not interested. If its a girl I do like though, generally i get a bit short of breath and don't really know what to say. I can sometimes freeze up, or rush while speaking. But mostly I try to stomach it and force myself to proceed with trying to fuck her because unlike a world full of emotionally insecure women, i know my own emotional preoccupations are actually a detriment to my happiness. And i know that they will never, ever in a million yeahs even bother to TRY to face their own fears to fuck me, so unless I want to spend the rest of my life sexually starved, I'm going to have to nut up and face not just my own insecurity but also hers. And I know that she's going to be lazy and ungrateful and oblivious the mountains i'm moving or the sheer weight of my own emotional baggage that i gotta deal with just to be with her, but thats just a fact of being a man. They don't realize we deal with just as much if not more, but we don't have the luxury of doing it at our own pace--we have to do it at hers. And if a girl sees the result of this apparent willingness and thinks, no man has ever been able to control himself around me, she should be shot in the street because she doesn't deserve the sheer emotional effort it takes to even be approached. there's whole movies dedicated to the pursuit of mustering up the courage to do that, if you can't understand how that feels then you're inhuman.

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    • Sounds like you've had some bad experiences!

    • I don't think so. Just regular experiences with ordinary women. I mean I got damage in my life I gotta deal with just like everyone else. I just happen to have a penis and not a vagina, so no one really gives a shit about my damage.

  • If you can quiet your brain and pay attention to you date, you will rarely go wrong. Women let you know when they are ready and if you pay attention then everything is easy. After I got divorced and started dating again I never had to ask -- I just waited patiently and they let me know.

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  • push them away or tell them to stop but if you really like them then it's your choice to do it or not.

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  • probably the guy does not have any notion of the right time to kiss a girl. there is a proper and right time to do that, but only experience can tell u.

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  • I'm always ready ;) I'm still young and highly sexually driven :)

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  • Push them away and move away. Tell them to stop. If they don't stop, I will hit them so hard.

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  • Hasn't ever happened. My body was always ready hahaha.

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  • Just say no

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  • My eyes are open but my mind is actually sleeping, mostly don't even care.

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  • It would be because clearly that person isn't being considerate of your feelings and that means a lot in a relationship. It also shows how much that person cares for boundaries.

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  • Just say... NOOOO

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  • You do it

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  • Oh. Easy.

    "Touch my pole I'll kill ya."

    That oughta keep them away!

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  • I would say no and if that doesn't work the back of my hand will

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  • TBH if I got that response I'd basically be moving on from her unless she was actively trying to give a timeline and otherwise express enthusiasm.

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