Do you lose attraction for someone after you begin dating?

So there is this guy i really like, and he confessed he has never had a relationship for more than a month, because after he gets in one he loses all attraction for his partner and decides he rather be friends. He loses the feeling of wanting to kiss the person, hold hands, etc etc... he says it has happened to him four times already.. um? never heard of some shit and i dont want to be arrogant and feel as if i am any different than the last four girls, but i feel like he is low key feeling me too, I don't know. I want him though, so i am not sure how to go about this


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I was like this. I can't really speak for him but maybe sharing my thoughts about myself will help you guess about him. I didn't really want a relationship. I really just loved the idea of it. I thought I wanted a relationship. For me It was like climbing a mountain. I climbed the mountain because at the top was the peak and the peak would be awesome. So I put in a ton of work. the excitement of what was at the peak kept me going through all the tough stuff. But for me the peak was simply agreeing to be in a relationship (or at one point just sex). And once I made it there a second much taller mountain (an actual long lasting relationship) would reveal itself. One that I would have to continuously climb the rest of my life. And I didn't really want that. So I'd just sit at the peak and eventually realize it's not a magical mountain just a big rock. And I'd leave until I'd find the next mountain. That was dating. I didn't really want the relationship it was just the joy of finally getting the thing. Like a shitty happy meal toy that you keep going back to McDonald's to get that you play with like twice. The joy was in the action of getting the girl not being with her. I wasn't intentionally doing this. I didn't even recognize what was going on until much later. I don't feel that way anymore. I met a girl in college that was just a friend for four years. I was dating others at the time doing this "mountain climbing" stuff. one day I found myself at her wedding and I started to see her less. Then another lady friend got married. Then another. Until one wedding when I saw that first friend pregnant and then she disappeared. Then I realized that climbing the mountain was pointless. I realized I didn't need a relationship I already had them. And as soon as I met a person I was already in a relationship with them. There was nothing else to "get" but plenty to experience and care for. It didn't matter where it ended. I didn't need to reach any peaks.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It could be a number of things that made him lose interest. Maybe he was not compatible (personality wise) with those girls, and did not realize it until after he got into a relationship with them. To avoid this, you should get to know each other well enough before committing to anything. Talk for a while, hang out, and just get to know each other then you will have a better idea of if things would likely go far or not. On a similar note, things may just move too fast with his relationships. He might have a strong physical/sexual attraction to the girl, but does not develop his feelings for those girls enough before becoming intimate with them. In this case. it's natural for a guy to lose interest. So, if you want to avoid that with him, try to keep his interest for a while. I'm not saying to play games, but don't give him your all right away. Let him get to know you on a deeper level, so that he starts feeling some sort of attachment to you before things go further. Anyway, my first suggestion would be to just stay away from him. Patterns are hard to break. But, if you really want to give it a try, be prepared for the same to happen to you and follow those tips to keep his interest.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 13

  • If you do then there wasn't much there in the first place, right?

    Consider that he's likely an arrogant prick. Would that be right up your alley?

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  • 100% of the time if a guy loses attraction of a girl it's because he wants to experience different people

    100% of the time if a woman loses interest it's because the guy is too nice, boring, or cannot impress her, or she thinks she can do better.

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  • I had a 2 year crush on this girl, who became my first girlfriend. And I lost all attraction in the month we went into a relationship. So yeah it can happen.

    But my 2nd one, I've been dating her for a long long time and not lost interest yet. Hope it stays the same.

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  • In the one relationship I've been in I only became more attracted to her the more time I spent with her. But she stopped the relationship after a month so maybe she was like your guy and just moves on after a short period of time.

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  • When u lose attraction for someone after coming into a relationship... Then what is the meaning of that relationship

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  • sometimes you go on a date and you have a fun time and like the person, but the two of you just don't click and have no interest in another date. He probably hasn't found the right person yet

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  • 90% of the girls I have dated led to an end like this

    Someone said 10-20 fucks, it's more like 4-5 for me

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  • That's because relationships don't happen on purpose, but rather you become attracted to someone eventually.

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  • Yeah as a rule of thumb after about 10-20 fucks I get bored. If you want him just enjoy the moment and ignore the future since there probably won't be one with him in it.

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  • It can. You can have a crush in a long time but lose interest for like few months because of the desire to get what you don't have and the mystery that keep a suitor eager. Once together, that mystery is gone and no more thrill.

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  • you can date me and find the answer for yourself.

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  • Yes people tend to lose attraction. There is something called the honeymoon phase where everything is new and exciting, you guys fuck like rabbits and can't wait to see each other. This usually last for 3-6 months. Things then plateau and you reach a sort of steady base less intense than the honeymoon phase and you both tend to make less of an effort both in appearance and trying to romance each other.

    Many people after many years together 5-10+ years begin either resenting each other, drifting apart or forming a sibling brother-sister relationship than that of lovers.

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  • depends on how much you like them. my ex and i didn't like each other she wanted something else and it was hell to both of us

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What Girls Said 15

  • I only start to lose interested if I dislike his personality after getting to know him more. If I don't like his personality I''ll lost attraction for him in an instant

    Some people play games. They pursue someone they like , but when that person shows signs of interest they pull away and lose interest. He may come under that category. They do that coz it gives them an ego boost.

    I would distance myself from a guy who finds it difficult to maintain a relationship. It defines him as a person, I'd lose interest as soon as he told me that he can't maintain relationships.

    If you pursue him and he hurts you then you have no one to blame but yourself , because he's told you what his potential is , and how you should expect him to treat you

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  • Someone that's never been in a relationship for more than a month is someone you want to avoid... He's got shiny new syndrome he loves the new but gets bored of it, it's child like behaviour that most people grow out of in their 20s.. that's his fault not yours.. your fault is you aren't listening to what he's saying- he told u this Becos he wants to play the good guy and you'll eventually be on the receiving end, you need to dump him to give him a shock, you think you want him after a month? no you want to win and prove him wrong, but far nicer guys that would have you and not not become your BFF after a month.. try them instead and ditch the kid, plenty time to have kids u don't need an adult one

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  • No, it grows and grows.

    It sounds like maybe he was attracted to them physically but for one reason or another, he wasn't feeling their personality. Maybe they were dull, or conceited, etc etc and that caused him to find them less attractive as a whole

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    • Kinda like how those popular girls at school are hot, but after getting to know how arrogant they can be, it's like meh. They just aren't all that lol

  • I have plenty amounts of times that's why I have heaps of exes. For me I personally just have some fun then decide if I want to continue it, usually I don't. I choose not to cause I don't want to lead the guy on and I also figure out that friendship would be preferred. That is most likely what is like for the guy u are talking about.

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  • You should express your concern. Open communication is key. But don't start up a relationship until you know he will stick around. Don't jump into labeling before you know his feelings are true.

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  • I think that depends why you see the person. If you pursue them because you think they are high status or exciting - you might lose interest once the relationship progresses but if you seek somebody out because they seem loving or kind or funny or sweet - I believe the relationship will become more interesting as time goes on.

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  • You will be different he has just never been treated right! You can walk around in fear just go for it! Treat him right and he will not leave! I promise

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  • Yea this happens to me a lot

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  • Maybe this happens sometimes because when we finally get in a relationship with someone, we lose the "challenge" of conquering this person and this decrease our attraction to them. It's also a sign that actually you're not in love with with them.

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  • Yeah it happens to me all the time

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  • no it stays

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  • I do, every time..
    I don't know, I'm messed up 🤷🏻‍♀️

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  • once i get someone i loose my feelings

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  • yeah i loose it

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  • I lose attraction when he show interest in me

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    • I like mysterious and cold guys, I like pursue them and making them liking me but after I just don't know what to say to them and I just lose interest. I think I just like to make people liking me.

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