Why can't the guy I'm seeing understand that just because I don't want us having sex with other people, doesn't mean I'm in a rush to pursue a seriou?

I'm not telling him what to do, but I have the right to my preference and mine is to be monogamous until one wants to get involved with someone else. I'm not telling I'm he can't, all I'm saying is that I would choose not to see him if that's what he wanted. I would give him the same respect.

He said he's not sleeping around or sleeping with anyone else or looking to, but he can't give me that commitment. I told him I'm not looking for a serious commitment now and that takes time for me no matter how strongly I feel for someone because I need to feel comfortable that I'm making the right decision.

I told him that I just don't want to feel like a piece of ass with him because that's not how I feel about him. With another guy I may feel differently. He said it's definitely more than that, but at this point in his life he can't get serious because of circumstances and I totally respect that. All I explained to him is what I want. These things are, reassurance that it's not just about sex, showing he cares for my well being, I just want to be treated like a lady outside the bedroom and not sleeping around.

He said he does care about how I feel and feels he treats me respectfully, but because I care about these thing so much that I must be asking for a commitment. I'm not asking for a commitment at all. I'm just making a decision if it's worth it for me to keep seeing him or not. I just can't fathom why he couldn't understand this. Serious means when you're out, you say this is my boyfriend/girlfriend. You hope to be introduced to each other's family. You see each other several times per week for an extended period of time and this is now a part of your life. You're not only exclusive, but if someone else comes along you will not contemplate telling your partner that you want to start seeing other people.
We'd both like to see where this goes in the future if we're still seeing each other, but I just couldn't do that knowing he's intimate with other women. Maybe with a different man. Not with him. I can deal with my feelings, I just don't want competition from other women. I'll never compete for a man. I'd just move on.

It makes me feel very uncomfortable that he thinks I'm trying to tell him I want a serious relationship now because it's not the case.
You can have feeling for someone, but still not be ready for everything that comes with a serious relationship.


Most Helpful Guy

  • It's not serious. Being bf/gf? You can literally pick up your phone and break up with them any minute of the day. That's how big a commitment it is. Buying a house together is a commitment. Having kids is a commitment. Getting married is a commitment. Saying you'll phone and break up before you fuck someone else is not that big a commitment.

    Now if you don't want that, don't do it. But if you want to be a damn couple, be a damn couple. You don't have to go visit each other's families that weekend and there's no rule on how many times to see each other a week. It just means you're a couple and letting that grow and see how it develops and you won't ghost on each other, and if there's a problem you probably talk about it before ending things, depending how big it is. That's all. Again, if you don't want that, that's fine, but you can make that level of 'commitment' after you've spend 3 hours together.

    • 3 HOURS? Huh?

    • Yeah, definitely. Know plenty of people who were a 'couple' after one long night together, or a couple dates.

    • Well, not for me. It takes months and months for me.

Most Helpful Girl

  • There's nothing wrong w/wanting a serious relationship. If I were you, I wouldn't count on commitment on his part. Date other guys because if he happens to get into a relationship w/you, he may bail cause he wasn't ready (2 guys bailed on me because they weren't ready), keep your options open and don't make any effort to pursue him.

    • He's not going to bail on me. He does care about me and we have a connection. If anything, I'd be the one to bail first. Also, I can't just date other guys and not have sex with them. What's the point of dating other men and never making it to the bedroom?

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    • Ah okie, I guess just trying to give my experience, not bashing you. I'm not saying men are conniving, sometimes they say things w/out realizing them. If my ex was told that he would be making me cry my heart out in 6 months, he prob would be saying he would never do that to me.

    • I don't think you're bashing me, but I refuse to paint all men with the same brush because that only creates a victim mentality for women. He was very clear that he didn't want to set either of us up for disappointment. As much as many men can be assholes, I have faith in men. Just need to communicate. He just needs to know that being monagomous doesn't mean that I'm going to make plans to be my date at a wedding or expect him to be there for me if I'm moving and need help moving my furniture.

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What Guys Said 1

  • wowzers, so you want him to commit to you which you are don't lie, which is fine in your right if he wants to date you. but he doesn't want to becaise "he can't give it to you" (maybe he's alreasy giving it to someome else) but still wants you around? see how bad that sounds? that's basically the jist of what you just said.

    • No I believe he's not lying to me and if he is that would be very selfish of him. The sex with us is so good and when you have that kind of connection I couldn't even see how could enjoy sex with someone else as much as he does with me. I'm super hot in the sack. Like porn hot.

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    • Yes, and I understand where you are coming from. I agree because I'm sorta open like this but for me i want multiple woman a harem if you will. this concept for him might be to much or maybe he didn't quite get what you where saying like I didn't your explanation now was spot on.

    • I'm glad we understand each other.

What Girls Said 1

  • Ok. Ok. The girl here doesn't want a commitment or not asking for a commitment. However, she likes to stick to a so called "1 party at a time" That's perfectly fine. I actually do that coz I'm tired of "party hoping" (you know what I mean, for sure) since I got a great guy in bed. BUT we are not commited to each other at all. The thing here is that I understand that he's seeing other women (For sure!) coz we are not commited to each other. Men and women see sex differently. Men can fuck anyone they want without any emotion to it but women gets emotionally attached to the men fuck (especially to those who do it regularly) I may have had an emotional attachment to this guy I'm fucking with but since he doesn't want to commit (so I don't want to commit too) consider all the gates are open for both of you. Doesn't matter how good the sex is. Its either you accept the idea that men are born polygamous (that they will fuck everybody else regarless if you're not fucking other men) or throw the towel and find a guy that suits you.

    • Well, go ahead with that. No one is telling you not to. You need an opinion, we gave you a damn opinion. I read you're discussion with another guy in this forum and you seem all knowing and not so receptive. Good luck to you. Coz 1 thing is for sure, woman --- the guy you're talking about will sure to fuck every lady he finds available even if he says you're the only he fucks. hahahaha

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    • Ha!!! Ahahahaha!!! Guess who I got done talking too. We're going to dinner and a movie Friday night and he just got done telling me he's glad we had that talk last week. Told me how much he misses me. Well, for his sake, I hope he doesn't ask me to be his girlfriend because I'm not ready for that. Hopefully he'll just want to take it slow and not get his heart broken.

    • Truth hurts. Doesn't it lol.

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