What does he want from this thing between us?

So we have been best friends for a few years and recently we developed feelings and we told each other and now he wants to date me but my parents won't let it happen and it's not worth destroying my relationship with my parents so we both agreed not to date. There is no changing that. Please answer taking that decision into consideration.

So here's the problem; He basically wants to keep things exactly the same between us (being best friends) but wants us to "acknowledge that we have feelings for each other " and "act like we have feelings for eachother". So pretty much he still wants to date me just without the label? Of course, if we are not officially dating then he isn't allowed to have expectations and goals in whatever we are calling the relationship. So he doesn't have the right to tell me that I can't flirt and hang out with other guys because we are not dating. (Just an example)

Anyways, he's acting like he can ask me not to do stuff like that which to me is not okay unless you are dating exclusively.

What should I do? We can't really date so I'm not sure what he wants from this whole "relationship" thing or whatever we are calling it? Please explain your thought process in this situation guys. I just want to know what is probably going through his mind.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Things like hanging, cuddling, going places together all when having feelings is considered dating in my book. You don't have to tell people​ you are or admit it but it is. It seems to be one of those things where the technicality of the word is making you draw lines in the sand. Don't try so hard to make it complicated or it will ruin your relationship.

    Your parents probably don't want you sleeping with him but since they seem to allow you to be together it's​ hard to tell.

    You ultimately decide what you want most and he can't make you wait for him (which seems like what he is doing).

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Most Helpful Girl

  • What I'd guess is going through his mind is that he wants as close to a dating relationship with you as he can get. If you'd like to be dating him and think you can get away with "dating" him but not in name, then go along with it but ONLY as long as he's willing to abide by the same limits he wants you to abide by-- like if he doesn't want you to date other guys, he can't date other girls, etc..

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 10

  • So... What he might be getting at is a type of relationship where you're not 'dating' but you're exclusive. Not romantic but not not romantic. Basically he's trying to get you to be with him anyway. So like you said, not the label. He has NO right to ask you to do anything or not to do anything. If his feelings are being hurt then that's his problem. It's just courtesy not to do it in front of him. He's gotta move on and if you're already flirting with other guys then I'm assuming you already have. Either he gets with it and you act like friends, or ditch him. It sucks, but there's nothing to be gained trying to tie you down when he's got no chance.

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    • How should I tell him that this undefined relationship is not okay with me? I would even be fine being friends with benefits but our relationship is in a grey area and I hate it !! I need to feel like I know where I stand

    • Exactly how you just said it. 'This undefined relationship is not okay with me. I will be friends with who I want. I will flirt with who I want. I'm sorry if this upsets you but I can't be in an exclusive relationship with you.' don't open the route to friends with benefits because you'll find yourself right back here again.

  • Could be a number of things. He might just want to date you in a way that could be more convenient for you. He might be trying to show you what dating him would be like to make you reconsider everything. Or he could just be very bad at hiding how he feels and just wants to be able to express himself freely.

    No matter what it is, you should ask yourself how comfortable you feel about it. If you're not happy with it, don't do it. And also think about what your parents would think if you were "half-dating" because that's essentially what it would be. And you would also have to think about how it would effect future relationships because, in essence, you're not exclusive to each other so is it an "open relationship"? And what if you meet someone else who you can date and do want to? How would you explain that to them? Or, even worse, how would you explain that to your friend if he's still emotionally invested in you and is allowed to act like he's your boyfriend?

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  • I can't really say what's going through his mind but if I was in his shoes I wouldn't want to loose out on a great catch because when it comes down to it you're not going to be influenced by your parents forever and I think thats his way of tying you down "unofficially" until he gets his chance when you move out. But he should just move on as friends because that's just the way it is. So, just do the right thing but don't be brutal about it

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  • So, just skip the dates but be friends with benefits? Apparently he's going to have to get used to the idea that exclusivity/commitment is never gonna happen any time soon (ie until the parents are dead in possibly a few decades). If doesn't wanna wait that long then he's free to find someone else (probably the best option).

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  • What I would say, just take your time to make your right decisions. just stay as best friends and see whats gonna happen in the future because you don't really know what he wants maybe time will tell you.

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  • Sounds very dramatic. Things will get better when you grow up some more and move out.

    Also, how was I invited to this question?

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    • Sorry. We can't all be as mature as you.

    • Didn't imply immaturity, I'm just saying its easier when you're older and your parents aren't involved like that anymore.

  • He has no right to try and control you whether you are in a relationship or not.

    Why won't your parents let y'all date?

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    • They won't let me date anyone. They are super protective and think that anyone with a penis is going to rape me. They even like the guy but they don't know we are interested in each other.

    • Why not just have an open conversation? Just both parties be open and honest with each other.

  • That's unhealthy for both of you.
    Love can became friendship but vice versa is very rare (doesn't happen)

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  • lol, why was I invited to this question, anyway, based on the question itself, didn't read, ur a sloot.

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    • hold up. Why did you feel the need to take time and comment on someone's post to tell them they are a "sloot" ? hahaha

    • i was invited and I wanted to be courteous and give my opinion.

    • Wow what a gentleman! Thanks for your opinion but on behalf of every girl everywhere, keep it to yourself next time.

  • welcome to the friend-zone

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What Girls Said 2

  • Why don't your parents want you to date him

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    • Not just him. Anyone in general. They are crazy strict and pretty much think that anyone with a penis is gonna rape me. They know him super well but they just don't want me in any relationship. They don't even know that we are interested in each other.

    • Then either move out and be independent and date who you want or don't date the guy.

  • If you have the same feelings for him, you would not do the things that will make him jealous just because your relationship has no label but because the feeling is mutual.

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