Do you really find love when you least expect it?

I am 24 and have been single my whole life, I'm a female. I am not shy and I am social -- I do all sorts of fun things around the city I live in and go to the parties I'm invited to. Even so, I've never been on a date. The more I try, the more I fail and can never find someone who likes me. People say love happens when you least expect it. Is that true? Should I stop trying? Is that when love will find me? What do y'all think?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's possible - but so is winning the Lotto the first time you ever play it.

    In real life, love is like anything else: it requires hard work and good decisions.

    From what you say, you are social, get invited to parties, and otherwise do activities outside your house where single people of appropriate age are likely to be. So far, so good - you're doing what most unwillingly-single people aren't willing to do.

    So, why aren't you getting asked on dates? It seems like perhaps you aren't sending out the right "vibe."

    A few things you should know: guys generally look for girls who are physically attractive (but you don't need to be amazingly so, just decent), who are FUN, who are mentally/emotionally STABLE, who aren't overly clingy, needy, or demanding, and who are sex-positive. The more you can be those things, the better off you are and the more guys you will attract.

    The other important thing is that MOST guys lack confidence and are afraid of rejection, so when they meet a girl they like, they try to flirt with her or show their interest by paying attention to her (many guys are admittedly lousy at this part!). Their goal in doing this is to see how you react, and they're looking for STRONG signs that you are romantically/sexually interested in them. Note: they're always going to ASSUME that you AREN'T interested in them until you prove otherwise, so you MUST make your interest in them obvious, or they'll question themselves and won't risk rejection by asking you out. Remember: they lack confidence and are afraid of rejection.

    How do you show interest? Pay attention to them (to the exclusion of others). Cross the room to talk to them. Say hello, or better, give them a hug. Laugh at their jokes. Touch their hand/arm/hair. Compliment them. Flirt - be a little sexual, and smile/laugh about it. Be fun and easy to be around. Many girls don't "do their part" and so the guy never finds the courage to ask her, even if he's very into her.

    You definitely should be putting effort into it, though. Sure, you might still get randomly lucky, but that's not COMMON.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Things always happen when you least expect it. If you stop trying and looking for it, it will find you. It's like when you lose your keys or something you always find them when you stop looking

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 14

  • You should absolutely try your best to put yourself out there, socialize, make friends, network. You want to maximize your opportunities to meet a very compatible guy.

    The difference is that you shouldn't be doing this with love as the primary goal you are obsessing over. If you tunnel vision on love, it'll tend to elude you.

    The problem with tunnel visioning on love is that it can make you fail to appreciate and enjoy the process of meeting people and socializing. It can subtly affect your behavior in negative ways. It can make you attached to the first guy you like. It can make you frustrated with the results.

    As a blatant example, take a girl who is desperate to find love attending a friend's wedding. She might ball her eyes out and get really depressed that she doesn't have her own man. Now take another girl who is single and ready to mingle attending the same wedding. She's there to have a good time and socialize. She might meet a great guy at the wedding, have a blast together at the party, and they might date and fall for each other.

    Typically the difference is more subtle than this but it is generally true that you find love when you least expect it. However, that doesn't mean that you should lock yourself inside a room and expect to meet guys that way.

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    • With any goal in life, the people who are typically the most successful aren't tunnel visioning on the end goal. The people who successfully make it from point A to point Z tend to be those who, to some degree, enjoy the journey.

      Take an artist. The most successful artists don't obsess over the ultimate end goal of creating a masterpiece. Instead they're the types who enjoy sketching. They carry their sketchbooks everywhere and incessantly practice drawing things they see. As a result, they inadvertently elevate their skills to master levels and end up inadvertently creating masterpieces on the way. The ones who are dead set on just creating masterpiece fail to sketch, fail to practice, and therefore just tend to get frustrated while failing repeatedly.

      Those who are the most successful at any ultimate goal are this way: they enjoy the process. They don't base their joy or notion of success/failure on the ultimate end goal over the horizon.

  • Really down to you if you want to try. It doesn't necessarily mean that the results will change, unless maybe you try different things like online dating and alike? In my cases, whenever I've wanted a relationship, I've not gotten one and vice versa. Although, that's not true for everyone.

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  • You seem to be overthinking and overdoing this. Perhaps you should relax, take a deep breath, and look to keep doing what you love and pursue your hobbies. Love is a little overrated, anyway.
    That being said, perhaps you should get to know a guy for the sole purpose of, you know... getting to know him (that's considering you prefer the male populace). If you find someone interesting, hit it off with them casually and see where it goes. All the while working on bettering yourself as a human being, and analysing yourself for any faults that may be driving people from your preferred gender away.
    From my experience, I've been most satisfied when my own happiness and well-being have been my goals, not love.

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  • No. It CAN happen when you least expect it, doesn't mean it WILL happen. It hasn't for me and I stopped trying years and years ago lol

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  • What is meant by tbat is that when you bump into that person that just connects with you so well --> you almost never expect it because you don't even know what that feels like until you met this said person

    --> It's always when you least expect it because you never really expect to feel so amazing around them. Like your on the top of the world. That's always an unexpected feeling no matter how ready you are

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  • I dont think so. I have never tried to find it and it hasn't randomly found me either.

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  • I believe love comes to those who wait and it's hard for us to find love sometimes
    i been single for 14 years now since my last girlfriend and never found anyone new yet.

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  • since both looking and waiting didn't work with me iam going to say no that rarely happens if you have some serious luck.

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  • have fun.. don't think that much about it.. everything will turn out to be good..

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  • Half of it is luck, the other half is fate.

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  • sometimes that's true but in either case it sounds like you should take a break

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  • Yes, you do

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  • I think you should live while you are single

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  • NO, that's a feel good myth people tell others to make them feel better about themselves. Not all of us are destined to meet another... but some of us are destined for such great things..

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What Girls Said 8

  • My friend met her now husband when they both turned a corner at the same time and bumped into each other. She was carrying eggs at the time and they fell to the floor, she gave him a piece of her mind and went on her way. As it turned out he lived a short distance in the same area and kept seeing her, so he started talking to her and the rest of history.

    Don't stop trying just because you haven't been successful yet.
    Out of curiosity, what do you do to find love?

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    • I've tried all of the dating apps and websites, try to go and be social, even when I don't feel like it lol

    • Then you've done your bit. I would suggest that you just aim to be social without any other aim (if that makes sense) and just set your goal at enjoying the event.

  • I think its true in some sense. You can't just sit back and expect love to come to you... you need to put yourself out there and be in the right situations where meeting people can happen. That said, desperation can seem really obviously, and I'm not saying this is how you come across, but I feel like its something people can sense.

    Just work on being happy and loving yourself, and that will show through and make you more appealing to other people.

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  • That's really how it happens. I would say, stop actively looking for someone. Just go out, have fun, do what makes you happy and one day someone will enter your life and fall in love with you. You see, people can pick up on when you're looking for a partner. And I'm not saying it makes you look desperate, but it inadvertently puts pressure on potential partners. But when you're out just having fun and doing your thing, there's a different aura, if you will, about you and it makes you so much more approachable because there's not that "invisible" pressure. So relax, and don't think about it. Just have fun.

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  • Yeah that's the best kinda love.

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  • That's what they say in the movies and it always works for them so your chances are looking good.

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  • Nah, you should keep trying. Just keep asking people out.

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  • While none of us know what the future holds, keep staying positive and trying new things in your city. I know how frustrating it is being single when it seems like all of your friends and family are getting married. However, do they have healthy relationships? I would rather wait for an awesome relationship than to be miserable.

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  • I was married a long time then divorced after he had an extended affair. I wasn't very hurt and not interested in dating for a long time. I few years later I was finally feeling ready when he was killed. This sent me into a tailspin. It was a crazy, sad time grieving with our son. Over a year ago, while not the least bit ready to date anyone, I met the most wonderful man. Neither of us was looking but it was undeniable. We're now preparing to move in together. I had zero interest in dating. I was NOT looking. Then bam! By my experience I can say that love found me. I hope this helps.

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