I know that some people out there do not have food, and I know that it is not their fault. I always pitied those people.
But, look at me, I do have food and a roof over my head. But why can't I smile? I feel embarrassed walking on the road, heads turned, them whispering as I pass by, "fat ass".
No matter where I go, I attract attention everywhere, it doesn't matter what I do, I'm tall. I know I may not be the ugliest in the world, but who can love me when I do not love myself? I can't help it, everyday I hear words that make my posture terrible. I always walk with my face red, head turned down, slouching, trying to cry but I can't let them see that I am affected.
Will I ever be loved by the person I love? Will I ever be even wanted by anyone? Will anyone appreciate me for who I am? Will I ever be able to wake up in the morning and see a person in thr mirror that I lovd? While I was feeling down. I saw the perfect girl who walked pass my ugly self. She was beautiful, skinny, flawless hair, perfect skin, and smart. Stares were also turned at her. But they weren't stares of disgust, they were stares of amazement. I was attracted by her amazing aura. I wonder if I could ever be like her. I suddenly realize, the different between our status, I was like those hungry poor kids who always got pitied, and she was like the person who pities other people.
Disliking my body, I try to change who I am. First thing in the morning, checking my weight. Picking out the lowest calorie foods that Google recommends. Spending hours and hours Burning all my fat till I pass out. Day after day. No not good enough, im not skinny enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough. I want to write more but I can't. How do I accept myself?