Am I gone delusional? My ex broke up with me One year ago and I keep thinking he will come back.. it's ment to be... am I gone insane?

rajaXx
I was with my ex boyfriend for 5 years, best and worst 5 years of my life. I'm 23 he's 24, he ended things with me last June over the phone.. we had an amazing relationship the first few years the last 2 years got very bad, very abusive, I still loved him. He never hit me, just called me names, shouted at me, wouldn't talk to me for weeks, made threats, just acted very cruel to me. but when he was nice he was amazing. My beat friend he was, we had a very intense relationship, he was with me for a few things like when my dad died in 2012, or when I was diegnosed with borderline personality disorder. Basically he left me and I can't get over it still. I'm haunted by the break up, everyday for the past year I just cry, cry for him so much I can't breath, I feel like he just abandoned me and I hate him for that but I do still love him and would take him back straight away.. my friends and family think I'm a fool.. I'd do anything to just talk to him again or see his face. I still have pictures of him and his clothes etc.. I do want to keep them forever as memory's. I was then told after the break up I was depressed and my BPD was getting worse because I think the breakup triggered emotions for me.. I do believe he's still loves me deep down and he will come back. He was so in love with me, I know he was... we just had this strong relationship. Even tho he was so mean to me and the end and how he even broke up with me he said " I'm done with you go fu*k yourself it's over" never heard from him since.. he did unblock me off WhatsApp tho about 4 months ago... I know he's gonna come back.. I haven't been with anyone since I don't want anyone else.. i look at his pictures and cry and scream in anger "why did you leave me" should I go find help? He also has a new girlfriend, aperently! I don't know if it's 100 % true but I think it could be, my friends ex boyfriend is best friend's with my ex. So he found out! Does that mean anything? Help help 😢
Am I gone delusional? My ex broke up with me One year ago and I keep thinking he will come back.. it's ment to be... am I gone insane?
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