Do Men Really Want The Damsel In Distress?

I'm a pretty balanced and self-sufficient chick. I don't go through intense emotional battles, unless a situation deems appropriate (death in the family, etc.). If I'm upset, I shut myself away for a few hours and figure out my thoughts, possible solutions to cure my problem(s), etc. I've never been accused of being cold or emotionless--quite the opposite, 'cause I love to laugh! Also I hate drama and pointless complaining that gets you nowhere. But crying out for help is not my first reaction because I don't see it as fair to burden someone else with your problems when they probably have enough of their own.

Now, when it comes to relationships, I'm struggling. Never been in one, in fact, so I'm wondering this--am I not seen as girlfriend material because I rely more on myself with my problems, and would rather let my encounters with the opposite sex go smoothly? Would a guy rather have someone he can fix to save his damsel-in-distress?

I'm having a hard time understanding what I should do or what I need to change. Thankyou in advance for your advice! :o)


Most Helpful Girl

  • Do you want a guy who wants to FIX YOU? You are on the right track when you insist on solving your OWN problems.. That shows you are a strong, independent, person with very high self esteem. If a guy wants to be your Knight In Shining Armor -- that's a hangup HE has.. He needs to feel superior.. Don't give a guy that kind of power. If you have a problem and you want to share it - so that you can BOTH reacha solution based on give/take - that's different. Do not ever think it's ok for some guy to take responsibility for you.. And do NOT - and I repeat.. DO NOT change yourself to make some guy happy. YOU will be happiest with a guy who respects you and knows you can solve your OWN problems. When a girl has so many issues that she expects a guy to solve for her - she becomes a burden. And he wants to get away. Don't be that girl. Guys who have to save you are insecure. Period. Good luck.. YOU will do FINE -- You were raised right and taught that YOU are valuable - intelligent - beautiful - and

    CAPABLE.! That is the mark of a winner that ANY HEALTHY guy would want to be around. Would you want to have to fix some GUY? Hmmm. See what I mean?


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What Guys Said 2

  • No it's got nothing to do with the fact that you're able to handle your own problems. Guys are pretty much more visual than anything else, so if you're not getting asked out by anyone, the problem lies with your looks.

    If you are getting asked out, but they don't actually feel like being your girlfriend, you're probably doing something wrong. I can't tell you what that is because it could be many things, from not being femine enough, to being a little too clingy, to being a bit emotionless.

    While we do like helping out girls we're interested in, it's not something we require. Thus if our girl never needs any rescuing, it's not gonna make us lose interest in her. So I think your problem is something else.

  • not at all I want an independent and self confident almost bitchy type of girl


What Girls Said 1

  • I know where you're coming from, I am the same way. ( but I have dated) I enjoy keeping everything that is my problem to myself. And one thing I find trouble with is guys! Ok You first start to date them, and they are fine with the one " I can solve my own problems" but when they start to fall in love with you, then they expect you to open. I really do not get it, but that's how my last relationship ended. He wanted me to open up to him, and I told him the truth about how I felt him and he left ( Which is what I wanted) But still, I see no issues with being the way that we are, Ummm, About the looks thing. Do You make yourself " Pretty" I mean like, skirts, shaven legs, make up, the whole being a girl thing, Because That's how I get a guy, I make myself up like a model, wear a skirt that falls in between my knee and mid thigh. ( covers like my butt) match it with a cute top, some times heels, but I am very tall. so I only do heels if I am trying to get a guy who is 6'5 lol. But make your self cute for them.

    and date guys who you could see your self friends with. Best advice from a guy I ever gotten and its true, the longest relationships I have had is where I could just go and hang out with the guy. and I made a lot of guy friends. But I hope this helps

    • Glad you understand! And as for my feminity, it's there. Make-up almost always, skirts on the special occasion, hair done right, etc. I've dated, have a handful of guy pals that constantly make me aware of how I'm beautiful, etc. I just don't feel up to throwing out my problems on a constant basis.

    • Well my boyfriend just dumped me after 11 months almost a year, I was making big plans for that day too. He has issues that if I have a problem I go to my friends and not tell him. Like he hacked my accounts and saw what I was saying :S So yeah in a few days I hope I can fix it. Like I think talking about big problems is good. talking about minor things, not so good. most issues I have I can fix on my own like I always done. Oh well I hope you find your man out there for you.