Why would a guy say this?

The guy I have been dating (less than 2 mos) told me last night that he shouldn't continue to see me because he doesn't want to hurt me later down the line - this isn't the first time, he said this a couple of weeks ago as well. Both times he has followed it up with that I should get back together with my ex (whom I haven't dated since Feb, but suddenly wants to rekindle a relationship). The conversation always leads to me insisting I have no interest in the ex.

I come up with 3 ways to look at this:

1. Is he concerned about the ex and my feelings toward the ex and testing where I stand?

2. Regardless of the ex, afraid he's going to get hurt down the line?

3. Does really think he will hurt me down the line and wants to spare me the pain?

Thoughts? Other ways to look at it? Suggestions on how to handle it?

As far as hurting me down the line: given what he does for a living, he winters in FL (for like 2 months). He said last night, you have a regular job and wouldn't be able to go with me. Not sure how leaving for 2 months would be breaking my heart though..
No, I don't think he does want to break up with me. He spent another 11 hrs with me today and wanted me to stay the night (we're not having sex, and I've stayed with him on multiple occasions). Nothing to suggest he doesn't want to see me anymore!


Most Helpful Guy

  • what are his reasons for him thinking he's going to hurt you down the line? why is he with you in the first palce if he doesn't somehow see you in his future or see something working out...

    id say he's more so towards number 1...but I think you should talk to him, why is he so afraid of commitment, tell him how you feel, ask him what he sees in his future and how it could potentially hurt you...

    just open up to one another and try to talk about things before things either end or get out of control...


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • I'm a guy. I don't read between the line like you're doing.

    Instead you need to LISTEN to the WORDS coming out of his MOUTH.

    1) He wants to break up with you.

    2) He doesn't want to hurt you further by continuing to date when he's just going to dump you eventually.

    3) He's okay with you dating someone else.

    What ever his motivations (does it really matter?) he's trying to break up. Either now or later. He's suggesting now instead of later.

    I suggest you let him go.

    ~ Robby

    • Not so sure about that... I'll be spending the whole afternoon with him today.

    • Any guy that says something like that probably has some serious issues or has met someone new that he like and is just trying to end it easily. Just my opinion though!

      Good luck = )

  • 2 months in Florida equals 2 months of "Strange" ... if you know what I mean. The disease he'll bring home might "break your heart."

  • Bobair's right. I would just add that he probably wants to keep you as a friend... one of those close friends who hooks him up with other girls. There's nothing wrong with that by the way. Sounds like your relationship would improve once you take away all the pressure of spending lots of time together.

  • That's something I would say because I'm so f***ed in the head I want to spare people for being friends with me. So the way I see it is either he's really f***ed in the head like me and thinks you're too good for him for whatever reason, or he's trying to break up with you in the nicest way possible.


What Girls Said 3

  • Look, you asked for advice and so far everyone is thinking the same thing. If you didn't want to hear input or believe anything you were told, then why ask?

    Regardless, you should still be playing cautious. In my experience, when guys make weird comments like that, they usually DO end up hurting you/doing whatever it is that they said they were "afraid," to do. When a guy says he's an asshole/jerk, believe him. When he says he knows he's gonna screw things up, believe him. You may think he's just being a drama queen, but it's no shocker that they end up doing what it is they said they'd do. Maybe they toss it out there to give them that leeway so they can use a, "see? told you!" approach. Maybe not. When they make comments like that, JUST BE WARY.

    If you want to pursue this further and ignore all these odd signs, go ahead. But at least keep in mind what's been said here.

    • Not saying I don't appreciate everyone's take, but his words and actions are worlds apart. And, I am treading cautiously and only focused on living in the moment (which is what I told him to focus on as well).

  • Uh, if a guy kept giving me wishy washy stuff like that, regardless of real issue or wanting to break up, I'd head for the hills. Any comment like that screams issues and/or he wants to break up. If he's not sure about the relationship and is willing to break it off/ditch it, then move on.

  • Sounds like he wants things to be over. He doesn't owe you a good reason as to why he no longer wants to continue relations with you. Women love closure but men don't often give it. don't take it personal and move on. You may never know why he decided to end it but ultimately he wants to be free of this relationship. Be cordial and just say you also enjoyed your time together. He is sparing you the pain of having to get to detailed in to the whys and whats.

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