What should I do? He talks to me online for 3 years, but doesn't want to see me.

Hi everyone

I've been dating this guy online for almost 3 years now. I'm pretty sure he didn't see any other girl since we started this thing (I could bet money on that!), but he lives very far away from me. He's very sweet - so sweet that I'm not seeing other guys too, even though I didn't really like the idea of "online dating" at first. But it just happened. We talked just as friends and then we clicked. Simple as that. Now we talk everyday and he's the sweetest thing.

But one year ago, I got a job that paid really well. So I told him: "well I could save money and go see you. I think I could stay for a month or even up to six months". And he freaked out! First, he avoided the subject. Then, when I asked what was going on, he said he wasn't ready for that. His words: "My life is complicated right now and adding a great girl seems like a no brainer, but I can't do it right now".

I got very upset and I said that maybe we shouldn't talk anymore. And that was a big drama on both sides. We both got really sad, so after a few days we were talking again. We got back "together" as if nothing had happened and we'd wait until he got comfortable.

But that was six months ago. Since then, we never talked about that anymore. Now I got a job that pays even more than the other one and I've been saving money to go there eventually. But he doesn't know that I'm saving because I don't know how to bring it up. Because the other time was just too painful and I'm afraid of hearing a "no" again. Actually, my biggest fear is that he never invites me!

I just don't get it. If he likes me so much and stopped seeing other girls for me, then why does he get so scared of hanging out with me for a while?

Any opinions?


Most Helpful Girl

  • It could honestly be many things, and one of them not being you! So first don't even question if you are the problem or not, cause you aren't. Have you ever seen him before, like pictures and what not? He could either.

    a.) be scared of you seeing him (is you aren't aware of what he looks like, but I'm pretty sure you are considering you've been together for 3 years)

    b.) be afraid once you guys do meet things will change, and he could just feel so comfortable about the thing you have now he is so afraid to change it


    c.) worst possible case, he's lying to you and you are just another girl to him, which I doubt in your case since its been so long


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  • Well OneDay basically gave you all of the potential reasons that came to my mind lol.

    He could honestly just be dealing with a lot of stuff, or yeah maybe he's afraid his/your feelings will change once you meet.

    The only way to really know is to ask him. But don't ask as if you're planning to go because that probably wouldn't go well.

    I would suggest just bringing it up like "I was just wondering why exactly we can't see each other. If you like me so much, what's the problem?" or something along those lines.

    I hope things work out for you :]