How to get him to call?

I'm dating a soldier. I have to give it to him he's a wonderful guy and I'm very much in love except for one thing. He never calls. When we're together (usually once a week because of his work) he's the most considerate and attentive boyfriend or even man for that matter I've ever met. In fact I could see where to some girls it might be too attentive, but that's not a problem for me. I love it. But as soon as he leaves? It's almost 'out of sight out of mind'. I mean, it's not that I'm entirely neglected. We text almost every day, but not enough to account for even a half hour's conversation and he just doesn't call me. One time when we were on the phone (he didn't want to text and drive so he called) he mentioned it and I was like 'Hallelujah!' he said 'u kno? I never really call you..why don't I call you more often? I should start doing that.' and I said 'yeah that would be awesome! I love hearing your voice.' ...No change. I've joked about it to drop a hint a few times but I know guys don't like subtle hints so I want a more direct approach, but I don't want it to come across the wrong way or too harsh or needy. I'm not a needy person by nature. In fact, he's told me that's one of the things he loves about me because I'm not high maintenance and I'm fairly mellow overall. I'm glad he likes that...but...I do have some needs. It's not that he's bad at phone conversation either. The few times we conversed over the phone he holds up very well and we don't have awkward silences or anything like that. In fact, he's quite a talker as far as guys go so I'm just figuring it's because he doesn't think about it or something? I don't know. We have a very honest relationship with each other and always discuss things frankly rather than hide them or beat around the bush. I need your help so I can tell him that I wish he'd call me more without seeming whiny or demanding. I don't expect 2 hrs of his time every night or anything like that, but would be nice to even talk for a few minutes each day. Right now I'm lucky to get one call a month for less than twenty minutes. My girlfriends are always complaining that their guys wake them up or bug them when they're busy with friends...and I can't even get a phone call just to tell me he was thinking of me or to say goodnight, I love you. I know it's just my emotions talking but it does hurt because it sort of seems like..if he wanted to talk to me he would you know? Clearly I need your advice. I love him too much to let something like this cause some unintended resentment or hurt on my part when its possibly unintentional on his. Thank you, Amanda


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • So is he stationed a long distance from you, and you only see each other when he is on leave?

    • He's only two hours away currently and with both our work schedules we can only see each other on weekends unless he has a longer 'leave' and then I take off of work. He's deploying in december though so I'm trying to cross this bridge before he's in another country and starts I don't know slacking on writing or trying to call or skype.

What Girls Said 1

  • Do you know what he is up to when you don't see each other? I understand that soldiers go on tours and have to stick to a rigid work schedule but his behavior does seem... rather odd. Sorry, I admit it, I'm biased: As somebody who was cheated on in the past reading what you've written raised a few red flags... Tell him that you want him to call you more. It's not needy, it's a basic bf-gf activity, especially when you spend a lot of time apart. See how he reacts to that, your gut never lies.

    • He lives in the barracks so when he gets off of work at night (an be anywhere from 6pm-11pm) he's hanging with the boys playing xbox. I know what you're saying with the suspicious possible answer to that and trust me I considered it, but I've never had a reason not to trust him so I want to at least give him the benefit of the doubt. Plus he's been cheated on b4 and was seriously crushed by it so I doubt he'd be doing that but it's always possible. I plan on asking like you said though. :)

    • Well, best of luck then... :-)