People 30+ only! I've forgotten how to fall in love. Any tips?

Following the end of a relationship with a guy I thought I'd marry, I had a pretty bad few years with multiple deaths of family members.

After my father's passing earlier this year, I think I will have time to devote to dating again. However, I don't really feel I know how to feel romantic love any more, if that makes sense. It's been 4 years since anything serious has happened and a year or more since I've even flirted with anyone. I'm not bitter, just sort of apathetic and/or out of practice.

Any suggestions?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Don't. It's not worth it any more- spare yourself the hassle, drama and trouble and steer clear of falling in love. Besides, we're all past our 'use-by' and 'sell-by' dates now that we're over 30- unless you've got enough fame, a big enough fortune, or other assets which can be used and stolen instead of you and your own body, then we have no prospects of anyone ever genuinely desire us or offer their love to us ever again. I suggest giving up, accepting that we've been defeated and failed completely in that aspect of life- sex, love, family etc- and devoting your efforts and passions elsewhere, toward another less bleak aspect of your life. You're apathetic rather than bitter, so you're already more than halfway there.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It just happens. Even when you're not trying or expecting​ it. Can happen by chance at the most random time. If you are meant to fall for someone, you will anyway. Also, flirting will come naturally if you have a connection with them. Don't worry about it. I don't think it's something you can really plan for.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 18

  • Feel like there should be a song about "I've forgotten how to fall in love"

    But anyways. Do you feel ready? I think you've dealt with so much in the last few years and it's not that you feel out of practice but sort of given up. And maybe you've taken care of everyone but yourself lately. Maybe it's just time to take care of you and not date but just live life and takes what comes from it for now and see what happens.

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    • Not really consciously given up, it just hasn't been a priority. The past year I've actively avoided dating due to my father's condition and need to spend time with him. I get what you're saying...

    • Yes that's what I meant you've just been busy with life and what's happen. I'd say if you feel comfortable start to meet people and then let things happen. I think if you do that you'll start to remember how to flirt and "fall in love".

  • there's no directions on how to fall in love, its something that just happens to you and you know this. You could even jump into a relationship and still not fall in love. Its something that grows over time and mostly happens if you open your heart to someone.
    If you just close yourself and become cold, thats all you'll get.

    Sorry to hear about people close to you passing away, I know what thats like, it changes you. Take care.

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  • well spending time with new people is a good start xD you obviously canΒ΄t just expect to fall for anybody. you have to make a conscious effort to meet new people all the time.

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    • Perhaps I'm trying to put the cart before the horse.

    • I agree. You can't force to fall. But if you fall, you can't help it xD kind of sucks

  • Just screw around and have a good time. Love takes work and doesn't last anyway. If you find someone compatible that you want to spend the rest of your life with, great. But in the meantime, you haven't been wasting away.

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  • I understand you as I am single too. But I will not say apathetic. After 30 our priority changes, way of looking at life changes. we become more wise and practical and look more for meaningful and real love. Just don't force and be yourself and enjoy the movement love will come.

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  • my opinion is just let it happen. its rough when you force it. You're probably more than likely estranged from romantic encounters for a reason. there isn't a need for it in your life. as soon as or if you do feel the need now go for it. but dont force it.

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    • Thanks for answering. I have been dealing with family things and grieving, but it feels like maybe I should transition back soon.

    • Show All
    • Aww, I'm sorry. That's terrible - you have my sympathy.

    • yeah it happens. thank you.

  • You don't learn to love, love just happens. Don't try to find it just let it find you. Good luck

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  • Don't bug people with dating til you are fully ready to love and commit to someone.

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  • It just comes naturally when you meet the right person.

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  • Eat a lot of dark chocolate, then you will remember what it is like to feel love.

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  • you haven't met anyone to sweep you off your feet. you will meet someone

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  • I know just how you feel I've been there

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  • You just need to get back in the game.. I'll help if need be..

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  • 24 here and same problem

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  • put yourself out there. there's someone out there who can make you feel that tingle

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  • I don't wish to help someone like you seeing that women like you hate me.

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    • They probably don't like you because you do crap like this.

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    • @Justinaveragedude

      No it's because I'm overweight and have a disability.

    • Have you seen me? And other then attitude, what is your disability? Honestly, if you let bulls hit like your weight and a disability define you, you will be hindered your entire life by more then your disability and weight actually effect you. And that is just because you let it. Man up, you are more capable then you realize, and if you choose to be a better kinder person you would end up having more luck in the love department.

  • Don't worry about it. If you're happy on your own, be alone. If you find someone who's worthy of your love, you'll find him and he'll find you. Don't go actively looking to fall in love though, look for new friends. Preferably single friends but expanding your circle
    Will increase the likelihood of you finding someone you're compatible with.

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  • I'm 26 and I feel the same way? Not really sure what to tell you. It's hard dating in 2017... Working on it and I will let you know if I figure it out.

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What Girls Said 8

  • After my 2nd divorce, I found I could not warm up to another man. There was something biological that wouldn't let me bond to a man whose children I was not going to have. That's powerful stuff having a man's child. Now that I am no longer interested in having children, it has freed me up to just want sex from a man and friendship, live would be nice lol. But it took over ten years being alone

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  • Don't online date. It will make things worse. Try to get to know men in real life and let it happen slowly.

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    • Ideas on other places to look?

    • Depending on your personality, go to places where you enjoy yourself like a bookstore or museum and look happy and smiley. Talk to people.

    • Cool, thanks. :)

  • You just dive in. It will happen by itself

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  • I'm sorry I'm not 30 years old but you can't force yourself to fall in love. I think it just happens naturally and sometimes it some when you least expect it.

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  • I'm 18 and I really want to finish high school... Advice

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    • Keep going to class every day and try to set aside an hour a day with no distractions to study.

  • Same over here, the longer I take to dive back in, the harder it gets to go back on the dating scene. I would say just go out and meet people again. Don't just stay online trying to meet people. We don't have the energy we had when we were younger that's why we are so hesitant.
    I am going on a date soon.

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  • i see how 30+ here really helped! no one under 30 could have said any of that πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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    • Things change in your life more than you realize now regarding your social circle.

  • Why 30+? :D

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    • How you date changes once you get past 30 or so. Before that, you're frequently around different people and things "just happening" isn't uncommon. After that, you have to put in a lot more effort to even see friends, much less Date.

    • Yea what she says its true, some of your friends have gotten in serious relationships and when you are someone like me who doesn't want one then they keep trying to hook u up with people over and over again. When they were single, I was the one in a serious relationship so now things have switched around. However women come in easier now, so yea things change.

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