I have a loving girlfriend, but I need help!!

We've been together for about 6 months, and I care about her very much. She's very loving, pretty, and smart; all that a man could ask for. However I can't, at times, seem to shake this feeling of wanting to be with other women (that I know personally) who I know I could also be compatible with. I tend to get a lot of attention from the opposite sex as is, but I wish I could just turn my head and NOT be attracted to these other women. It's a gut wrenching feeling, as I know she will never leave me. So my questions are as follows:

1.) Is this a common feeling that other people in relationships share?

2.) If so, should I just ignore these other feelings and ride it out?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I have a boyfriend who presents with what I call "magpie behaviour" (ooh look shiney thing). He doe not even realize he is looking most of the time and it does make me sad so the first thing I would do is be aware that when you are with her she will notice you looking at other women. Try to tone it down when you are with her

    but it sounds like more than "shiney thing" for you. To quote you:

    "However I can't, at times, seem to shake this feeling of wanting to be with other women (that I know personally) who I know I could also be compatible with"

    You are doing more than just turning your head, you are thinking about compatability and looking at people you know personally. I said to my boyfriend once. I'm not really bothered by who you fancy, Fancying is what you do to the person just walkig downt he street or a celeb. What gets to someone is when you "like" someone. That's having stronger feelings for someone you would like to or do have a connection with.

    To me it seems like, right now, you are not ready to commit. I know I behave/feel like this when I am not in my heart of hearts emotionally committed to someone. Have you ever been in a relationship where you have not felt the compulsion to really analyse what it would be like to be with women you know personally?

    I have been with guys who are insecure and feel the need to keep one foot out the door the whole time but still say they love me and I have been with guys who were 100% committed and I was their shiney thing so I think its false when people claim its just "human instinct". Its normal to have it happen every so often, meet someone who would be special when you are attached but if its happening all the time then you have to question the signals you are sending out. My opinion of the options?

    1) you are not fully comitted to the relationship at the moment/yet

    2) you are sending out "available" signals out of insecurity or habit

    If you want to give this relationship a chance then you have to have boundaries with other girls and really try to do something which will be enjoyable and bond you to your girlfriend. Maybe a holiday somewhere where neither of you know anyone doing something you both enjoy. You may know you are compatable but its your experiences together which bond you together. go and have some :)


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What Girls Said 3

  • I think this is pretty common, I know I've felt it before. In my case I ignored the feelings and I'm so glad I did; sometimes if you do simple things to "rekindle" the romance that can get rid of them! Six months is a decent amount of time, so maybe flirting more or just hanging out and joking around like you did in the beginning of the relationship will help. That being said, I don't know what your guys' relationship is like, so maybe this doesn't apply :) But I would put those other feelings on hold for now, and I hope everything works out!

  • I actually just had the same issue a few months ago. I met another guy at my job and the connection/attraction between us was unbelievable. Id never felt that strongly about someone I wasn't with in my life. I thought about him all the time. I was pretty much falling in love with "the other guy". I had a boyfriend that was loving and all the stuff you said but I realized that he did not possess the "it" factor for me. I knew that if I had truly been that into him, the other guy would have never been a factor. Long story short, I broke up with my boyfiend because I couldn't see a future with him and I could no longer waste his time nor mine. My advice to you is to not stay with your girlfriend solely because she has the qualities you mentioned. There has to be a mutual connection. If you don't feel the same way abd stay with her, both of you will end up hurt in the end.

  • I know exactly how you feel. My boyfriend is an amazing person, and I love him a lot. We've been together for about three months. Just like your relationship, I know he would never cheat or leave me. But sometimes when I'm with other guys I know, I feel like I could easily date them also. Especially when they're flirting with me. I feel almost like I'm cheating to think that. But I know my boyfriend is the one I think about all the time, and I know that I'm as happy with him as I would be with anyone.

    So try to remeber that, in your case. You know you're compatible with your girlfirend; you don't actually *know* you would be happy with those other girls. I think it's normal for people to feel some attraction to other people besides their gf/bf, but that makes your relationship stronger, because you know that you have a choice, and you chose your girlfriend because of how special she is, and how much you love her. So you know you're not just settling for the only person you could be attracted to.

    Good luck with your relationship!

    • That makes me feel a bit more relieved :). Thank you all for the help.

What Guys Said 3

  • If you don't do a small bit of rewiring, you will eventually screw this up.

    There is no way to avoid our base nature...but it can be controled, or ignored IF you do things to stop that voice.

    I want you to think about how you felt when you first met her. Why her? What was it that made you chase her?

    Wanna know what changed? You did. You forgot who she was to you.

    Do you want to supercharge your relationship? Do you want her wanting you like in the beginning?

    Romance dude. It is almost always us guys who create the problems in a relationship without even realizing it. We stop chasing after we catch them.

    Dating NEVER ends.

    Step up. Do the things you did to win her. Don't slow down. I promise you two things.

    First you will quit thinking about other women...she will become your focus.

    Second, if she loves you now, she is going to be all over you if you do this.

    All the little things that say "I love you" without speaking a word.

    Dude, if she hasn't got a clue what's coming next, it creates excitement, and all she will be thinking about is this amazing guy she is in love with.

    Use your imagination. Be creative.

    Fill her car with ballons and a note that says "I love you" on a night she doesn't have to work the next day.

    Plan a picnic.

    Send flowers to her at work for no reason at all.

    Make Valentines day work to keep up.

    I know it works...I dare ya to try and prove me wrong.

    • Very true. I am her "knight in shining armor", so to speak. She would do anything for me (and vice versa), which I guess in the end is all that really matters.

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    • Hell yeah. I wish my guy could read this.

    • Likewise...sigh.

  • a lot of us feel that way in committed relationships, and feel bad for it. thing is you realize its wrong and back away from it. main thing to do at that time is look at your girlfriend and remember exactly why you chose HER over all of those others.

  • Have you been in other relationships or is this your first serious one?

    • One other serious relationship. I know the ropes; she's not crazy and we're definately compatible for the "long-term", but at times I'm just unsure about it. I guess I'm having a hard time understanding what true love is?