Is online dating a good idea for someone with social anxiety?

I have social anxiety and i just can't ever talk to guys or or initiate conversations with anyone face to face, for that matter no one talks to me at all, because I'm 99% sure that i put off an unapproachable vibe because I'm always so tense, like when I'm in class or out shopping, --- any situations like that make me tense because i feel like everyone is staring at me and judging me, I'm always hyper aware of people around me. And I'm pretty sure i have a "resting bitch face" too, if I'm not full on smiling, i just look mad or snobby even though I'm not. And i know some people will probably tell me to just start talking to people in person, but i just can't, its easier said then done for me, i know i'd just chicken out like i always do because my anxiety wins most of the time. I feel like my only chance in ever having a relationship would be through online dating because at least i could be able to chat with someone online a little first, so then i think i'd make it a little easier to meet in person.

  • Yes
    Vote A
  • No
    Vote B
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Thanks everyone! I really appreciate all of your opinions and thoughts on this :)

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What Guys Said 20

  • I think the answer is yes but to am extent. Online dating works as a crutch initially: you can chat to someone, sense if there is any connection and then set up a date. This removes some of the pressures of meeting a stranger and having to navigate all the way to the organisation of a date. That being said, if you rely on it too much it won't help, it will make things worse. It's all too easy to get comfortable chatting to someone online but you have to realise that this isn't the same as in-person contact. If you wait too long to meet them then things tend to be different to what you expected as you have created this image in your head of what this person is like. So my advice would be yes, use inline dating to cover the initial conversation and organisation of a date but don't rely on it for too long.

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    • That makes a lot of sense, thank you. :)

  • I have the same problem. I give off a very serious vibe to people. I look pissed off all the time also. I'm a friendly person, I just have trouble starting conversations or really talking a lot to people in general. I tend to just stay silent and fade away once things seem kinda hopeless to me. It is easier to talk to people online though... I do have a problem with maintaining a conversation though since I'm just not used to it. I don't know what direction to carry the conversation or what to talk about most of the time.

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    • I'm exactly that same, it really sucks :/ i was actually told by this girl one time in high school that before she actually met me, she thought i looked kind of mean when i walked down the hallway at school. When someone starts a conversation with me my mind goes blank and i can't think of what to say to them, its also kind of hard for me to truly focus on whatever they're saying because I'm too busy thinking about my own movements, and what they must be thinking about me.

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    • Yeah its hard :/, its awesome though to know that there are people out there who can relate!

    • Mhm. If you ever need help or advice on how to approach a situation then don't hesitate to ask.

  • I think one thing you should know about dating is that when you start talking with a person, you need to take into consideration that that person might still be frustrated from his or her previous encounter. Online dating is a game of rejection, and many get frustrated and lash out in an passive aggressive or aggressive way to the next person they meet. That's why online dating can often be such a mess. I guess my tip is to reset yourself psychologically after every person. Don't bring the bitterness into your next conversation. That will help you converse better. If you can handle that, I'd recommend online dating.

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    • That's really great advice, thanks!โ˜บ

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    • Both online and in real life dating? Hey, I understand! It's kind of hard. We're all being judged after all, but we have to muster the courage if we want to find that person that can enrich our life. Much strength battling your anxiety and depression. I believe you can do it!

    • Online, I really don't talk to anyone in real life. Thanks so much!โ˜บ

  • Im not a fan online dating but given your situation I think you should go for it. I would suggest avoiding the guys who only want sex since what you seek its a relationship, avoid the desperate guys and the liars.
    Take your time getting to know him and dont rush into meeting up. And most importantly, dont go for a long distance relationship.

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  • I believe online dating is just as good as any other
    place to meet someone , I have socialized anxiety too
    so it's hard for me to meet someone too. Just play it
    safe when you meet someone online and always make
    sure to have a relative or family member with you if
    you should go to meet someone from the Internet.

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  • Everyone who has social anxiety are all slightly different yea?

    My honest advice is stay true to yourself, remember your self worth, don't do anything you aren't ready to, don't do anything you don't want to, remember you deserve respect, honesty and everything, etc.

    i don't Like online dating.

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    • Could you answer my small question just to understand something please

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    • No problem!โ˜บ

    • i have no idea where i go with her ๐Ÿ˜…

      My problem is that it is though the internet and she did friend zone me this year where my heart developed a crush on her. She stated she only saw me as a friend and I donโ€™t want to leave her.

      I try to understand her and be gentle, be patient and not be demanding ๐Ÿ˜…

      I do care about her and she is pretty much one of the few people I know. ๐Ÿ˜Š

  • You're gonna have to meet the guy eventually or what's the point. Conversation and face to face meetings are indespensible in the human race. You can't get around them. If your going to meet somebody get there an hour early. Ride out the anxiety. Even at its worst it lasts only 40 minutes or so. Just suffer it. By the time your date arrives you'll be relaxed and enjoying the place and able to engage properly

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    • Yeah i know that i would have to meet them eventually, its just that i think i would rather have an initial conversation with someone online than in person, just to get to get to know them a little and then i'll meet them eventually. Do you think that if i talk to someone online that i should immediately tell them about my social anxiety? like before i meet them in person?

    • You know the more you stay away from talking to people the worse it gets. Vice versa the more you do it the easier it gets. It's not a mental illness you have it's a natural reaction to uncertain situations. Back when we hunted our food anxiety kept us sharp and alive in dangerous situations with dangerous animals and humans. You're subconscious gets used to situations and recognises them as safe and stops making you anxious and hyper alert. You need to train yourself to think that everything outside of your front door isn't dangerous. You'll be anxious the first time, less so then next and so on until you recognise the situation as safe and it won't appear at all. You gotta force yourself and you'll break through the other side to the light. Trust me my ex was a trained psychologist and smart as they come

  • One of my friends had SAD and found it much easier to hook up with someone online, as she was already certain he liked her and she didn't have to deal with the whole approaching him and talking to him in person process. They ended up breaking up but remained friends so YES, I would recommend it for someone in your situation. Just be careful and make sure you know what you're really getting. I would do it through a reputable site.

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  • This will probably just make you more socially disabled, you have to put yourself out there in the real world in my opinion.

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  • I have social anxiety as well, I have it because, I was bullied throughout public school, I dont get bullied in college but, I get ignored and excluded so it isn't any better

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    • Also, Im too ugly to get a girlfriend and most girls ignore me or avoid me and won't even give me a second glance ๐Ÿ˜”

    • Is that you in your picture? If it is, you're not ugly at all.

    • I know how you feel tho, it does suck to be ignored and excludedโ˜น

  • I put yes because it may be the only way for you to date.

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  • There are guys who have social anxiety as well. Sometimes it's good to start off online and slowly get more comfortable with each other.

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  • Sometimes we have the answers to our own questions it just takes asking them to find the answers if you know what I mean I think you just answered your question with a question

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  • Well i woild like to be your friend and chat with youjust because of all the things u will be missing out on.

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  • i think its a stupid idea !
    its always better toret and see the actual person!

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  • I wouldn't its a waste of money and time

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  • online dating is for pussies

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  • How do come off as unapproachable I'm curious cause I have been told the same thing

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    • I think that since I'm usually tense in social situations people could maybe tell, I'm not really sure. Also i think that if i don't smile (strangely i feel awkward when i smile) i just look like I'm mad or really serious looking.

    • I really have that same problem I never smile also combine that with the fact I'm built and there could be issues

  • It's not even a good idea for someone without it...

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  • Maybe. Not if you're complacent though. Dating takes effort whether irl or online

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What Girls Said 13

  • Yes but it is completely up to you as online dating is not for everyone.

    I understand your concerns and I'm one of the lucky people who happen to have something real come out of it, but you STILL need to remember and be very careful of people on there.

    If someone shows even the slightest red flag upon just talking to them, it's best you don't further communicate with them, cause generally people show their best self in the beginning.

    ONLY ever do something once you feel more comfortable to do so, and really trust your gut feeling, it tells you a lot.

    Take it step by step and only go further once you feel it's right to do so for example first you start with messaging online and see how things go, the next step is talking with them over the phone, and once you're comfortable with that you eventually meet them.

    Always meet them in a public space and be sure friends know where you are.

    Only you can judge of when you're ready, THINKING IS GOOD, but so is over thinking, everyone is different so go with the flow ^~^

    Wishing you all the best, feel free to message me if you want any advice or details :)

    Stay safe ๐Ÿ’œ

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  • If you haven't had a boyfriend before it can be a great way to start, but there are some simple rules you need to follow to make the relationship work:
    *For every 3 online convos you have, have 1 over the phone. It might be difficult, even awkward but it makes the relationship a lot more real & is a timely reminder this is a real person not just text on a screen.
    *DO NOT do sexual things via the chats or pictures. This very easily becomes a habit for the guy & in the way he acts & treats you he will treat you with a *lot* less respect, it won't have the effect you want it to or that he says it will. If you chose to do whatever, that's your choice I'm just warning you *before* it happens.
    *If you don't live too far from each other (3hrs or less)
    Plan to meet up AT LEAST once every 2 - 3 weeks. If other people you know/trust are there too that's even better.
    3 - 7 hrs Once every 1 - 1 1/2 months
    7 - 10 hrs Once every 2 months
    10hrs + Once every 3 - 4 months
    Meeting up will give you both a chance to get to know what the other is really like. Some of my online bf's (not in a bad way) have been totally different than what I thought they'd be. They acted a lot differently too. It gave me a chance to really get to know *them*. A number of people also see online relationships as pretty much no different from a dating sim & purposely go after people who live far away from them so they can excuse themselves from ever meeting up. They could even have a partner IRL but use the online bf/gf for their entertainment. Another great reason to *never* send 'racey' pictures online. That and the privacy risks *shudder*
    *Take a realistic look at what it will take to meet up, how often you'll be able to & what the costs will be (time, money, effort) when planning.

    I hope this helps. You can do it & it can be a great experience, especially if you get to know somebody over a site like this where it's less awkward. But remember social anxiety can be managed with strategies & handling it is like getting fit. The more you exercise, the stronger you get. The more you put yourself in different social situations, the easier it'll become.

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    • Thanks so much, this is very useful advice to haveโ˜บ

    • You're welcome :) I understand what it is to feel like you're a late bloomer and it can be easy to make exceptions thinking it'll get you where you want to be faster. The rule of thumb for dating though follows the old saying: "You either have the time & patience to do it right the first time or time to do it again". Figure out what you want (and what you need, they're different most of the time) and don't be afraid to go for what you want :) Just remember, most of the time people are too busy worrying about their own lives & that they don't fit in enough to think much about the awkward things others might do :)

  • I have couple of social anxities too. And online dating helped me to improve myself and overcome some of the anxities.
    It enables me to meet people easier, to make that initial contact. But in the end you still have to put a lot of effort in person. You have to talk face to face, use appropriate body language, etc.
    It is hard at first but I got better with every date. can't say I am perfect now but I dont have issues meeting someone in person anymore. It became also easier for me to initiate a contact in person, to a total stranger.
    But you have to be willing to work on your issues. If this is something you want to do, online dating can help you with first steps into easing yourself in communication with other people.

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  • From my experience, online dating is more nerve wrecking than meeting someone at a event or function. First off, the serial killer aspect. "Is this guy a complete psycho?" Second, even though dating websites claim to put all this research and science into matching you with someone, it has been proven to be false. It is literally just a game of Russian Roulette. Some people, to their credit, have had success. Especially if it was somewhere with no social pressure, like say World of Warcraft.

    But honestly, I was like you at one point. I felt I was unapproachable, could not even imagine talking to the opposite sex. I guess what changed was I just had enough with being by myself. I spent too many nights alone and I thought I would rather have a bad night of being awkward than another night living in my bedroom. Now I live with my boyfriend and we are going on two years. FYI, never dated until 24.

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  • As someone else with social anxiety. I have met guys online. A lot of them just want to hook up and a lot of them are needy. When I do find a good one, I tend to get scared and not reply to them for a while. Then they ghost me.

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  • Yes, but let me earn you that there's a lot of fuck boys out there. I've dealed with WAY more guys who just want to fuck or see you naked, but there are good guys out there. I'm also terrible at talking to people in person unless I know them. I've also been on dating sites since I was around 14. But if you're are interested In online dating one site id recommend is meetme, last I checked it has different categories like single parents gamers etc. And I've met I about three people on there that I'm still good friends with.

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  • I have a lot of anxiety as well, it is hard for me to talk to people in person. Talking online is a bit easier, but even though talking to them is easier being in a relationship is very hard for me. If the person I'm with is maybe having a bad day or is upset about something I always think is is something I did and it's my fault. Another problem I have is if I haven't heard form them in a while I think I did something and that they no longer want to be we me. This is because of my past as well as anxiety, when this happens it makes my anxiety worse.

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  • It's certainly worth a shot, if you don't like it, nothing lost :)

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  • I met my boyfriend online and we've been dating for over a year ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

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    • Also I should mention, we have met. We met a week after we started talking and now see each other 3 times a week minimum and stay at each others places. Online dating doesn't mean it stays online

    • Thats cool, congrats! :)

  • Maybe, but I not mean forever use. online dating just a window you can know another person to learn by distance but from illusion should be something real in future too. . at least meet in real person.

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  • Online relationships can go very wrong in many ways! I just had to help my friend because she was online dating and it turned into a 13 month crusade through hell and she's been ruined for weeks. Not as much can go wrong in real life.

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  • I did, and It had ups and downs. It helped me with my confidence, just be sure to find a really kind and understanding guy. It also made me feel lonely, and somewhat insecure either way.

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  • it is a good idea

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