I'm a 30 year old good looking, single female. I've been reading a lot of dating books about how I should act towards men by being unavailable and hard to get. While I get the idea, I just want to be me! I put a lot of effort into my work and hobbies and the idea for me to work even more to find a mate seems exhausting. Can't I just be myself and find someone who values me for me? I get the obvious of waiting for sex and the basics of dating (like not being needy) but it seems like to a lot of these dating "gurus" it requires a lot of mental work and calculations. Thoughts?
Most Helpful Guy
Please, please, PLEASE grab every single magazine, website, leaflet or other form of communication that gives you Cosmogirl-type garbage advice. It is made to keep people dependent on their garbage, by constantly buying into the shitty advice.
In the end, the only true thing that matters is you. Who are you, who do YOU want to be and how do YOU feel comfortable. It is irrelevant what people around you think, as those people who are worth fighting for will also appreciate all the little quirks that you may have.
So what if that makes you different. Good, it makes you worth the time. It's so good to see someone genuinely being themselves rather than a clone of societal expectations smothered in teenage insecurity.
If you want someone, go for it. Take a leap, put your foot forward and show them through being yourself without any pretense or masquerade, that you're wonderful. But do not start the infantile games of "oh god play hard to get that'll help". Many men will literally just walk away and write you off because you aren't interested or simply come across snobby if you would do that.3
Most Helpful Girl
I am good looking, successful, intelligent woman, with good education and well-paid job. I have a lot of hobbies and I travel a lot, hike a lot etc. Finding a mate for me is also hard since my last breakup three years ago. I like to put effort into relationships, so I am nor scared to make the first move, plan dates, and take a guy out. I did it in my very last relationship because I really like the guy. But it ended up with me being used. He led me on to become something more and suddenly ended everything. He was clearly a good player I never noticed because of zero red flag he gave out. But the guys i dated and always seemed busy to not see a second or third or fourth time because I didn't like them for some reasons, but they kept coming and asking out and showed a lot of interest. Looks like guys only like women who play hard to get, or at least only value them. But still even if I die alone, I won't change myself putting effort into a relationship, asking out first, being available when a person needs me, and showing interest.1
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