Some guy I don't know e-mailing my girlfriend?

Today I did something I probably shouldn't have done. Over the phone my girlfriend gave me the password to her e-mail because she needed to know something in it. After, I saw an e-mail from a guy that caught my eye.

I read it, then the host of e-mails going back and forth from the past. He keeps asking her if she's single yet. Although its not outright said, it seems to imply that if and when she breaks up with me, they're going to have sex right away.

The earliest e-mail, he talks about some teacher/rape fantasy, and talks about meeting for causal sex. My girlfriend turns him down based on the fact "you probably haven't been tested in a while and you're a whore". She also says she doesn't want to ruin what she has with me, but then goes on to say that she'll text him if she's free on Saturday.

I'm so confused because I can't tell when she's being serious and when she's joking.

He keeps e-mailing her every few months to see if she's single.

Should I be concerned about this?

Should I tell her what I did? Even though it was a whole invasion of her privacy?

I think I should clarify a few parts that worry me. In one e-mail the guy suggests that she take a shower, come out in bra and tong, play teacher and have pretend rape. My girlfriend responds by saying the teacher thing is f***ed up, but the rest is okay.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Hello,

    my advice is to confront her about it.. remember you have nothing to feel bad about.. if she cared and loved you she would have sent the guy 1 email.. and it would simply read


    tell her you noticed it on her email and you would like to know what the story is..

    Good Luck

    - Chris

    • Yeah I don't know what's going on. Maybe tell her you don't want to hang out Saturday and see what she ends up doing. That'll put you farther down in the hole though, but it could be interesting to see and well you would see.

    • Get to hear her side of the story. remember its as much about testing her integrity as it is her loyalty.. if she says somthing to you and her actions afterward show different then you know your in a relationship with a lier. at which point you need to be a man and walk away from her..

      if you have to sleep with 1 eye open then you will not be happy.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 6

  • Confront her. She gave you her password, so if she's mad about you snooping, it's her own fault.

    Also , if you don't, this is gonna eat away at you and mess with the relationship.

    Just do it nicely, tell her exactly what you said here. Decide before hand what is and is not OK with you.

    Honestly, this isn't really a good sign. She might try to get mad at you for snooping or blow it off - those are also bad signs.

    If, on the other hand, she acts serious, apologizes, explains some real feelings or thoughts she has about the situation, then gets the guy out of her life, that would be a good sign.

  • i know how you feel...i have been in your shoes. I would tell her that the conversations the two of them had is not ok! you shouldn't talk about crap like that with other guys when you aren't single. she did give you her email password and that's a good sign but you should just tell her "Look I know I sound like a girl when I say this but I saw this conversation between you and this guy and you don't like the topic of conversation they have been having." Obviously you can't tell what she can and can't do but ask her if she found the same thing in your email would she be mad...i am guessing she would be! If she agrees with you drop it and don't bring it up again...

  • If she had something to hide then she would not have given you the password, not matter what she needed. She turns him down. I guess maybe they were friends/lovers before and they still talk and joke around. obvs what ever happend did not work out and she knows he is a whore and would cheat on her. Just because she is in a relationship does not mean she has to cut all ties with her past. She sounds confident and happy with you and I would not let this interfere.

    • The problem is in an e-mail she refuses, but then says if she's free on saturday, she'll text him. She also says she can "manage" the rape and shower part of his fantasy. It's confusing, because I can't tell if she's serious or joking.

    • Is she the type that does not like confrontation or upsetting people. If she is then, she might not want to hurt this person and might need your help to close this communication.

  • Well I guess it's never actually cheating unless you commit the action, but to me it sounds like she's considering it, which to be would be a no-no... But I guess it's your choice on how to deal with it :/

  • In this order:

    (1) You should not be overly concerned about it as she turned that guy down, and has already said in the email herself that she doesn't want to ruin what she has with you. Obviously, she care about you and want to maintain good relationship with you. Also, since she gave you her password, she trusts you and probably feel like she doesn't need to have secret from you. Her heart is open to you, not him.

    (2) You should be honest with her about peeping into her email and apologize to her for your action.

    (3) Tell her what you saw by accident and how it made you feel. Let her know how you feel.

    (4) Talk to her about what maybe lacking in your current relationship, and how both of you can do to make it better.

    Good Luck!

  • You shouldn't tell her and you shouldn't worry. This is really important for you to hear : ONLY YOU CAN RUIN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. Pretty girls get hit on by men everyday without doing anything about it. We are used to running defense. She obviously does not respect this looser. Nor should she. The only thing that could change her mind is if the two of you are fighting all the time, or if there are emotional needs that you aren't meeting adequately. You want to keep your girl. Worship her. Let her know how great she is. Let her know all of the things you like about her. Fuck her well. Listen to her talk and give a sh*t about what she has to say. Treat her with respect. Put her needs before your own.

    • I'm confused though. One of her e-mail suggests that she might text him on saturday, saying she was busy on Friday hanging out with me. Should I not be worried about this?

    • Show All
    • So in reaction to learning that my girlfriend might have had an affair the day after she saw me, my reaction should be to be genuinely affectionate. I appreciate that you are trying to help. I'm just really confused, my girlfriend may have betrayed me, and I should react by loving to her? Doesn't that sound like a complete push over?

      Also the longer this relationships goes, the worse it gets, knowing that she could have cheated on me.

    • Even if you confront her about it, she will say nothing is going on. That might be because nothing is going on. It might also be because something is. Either way, by being confrontational, all you do is push her away. If you don't care about her anymore, then deal with that by breaking up. If you care, man up and do the work. Then, even if everything falls apart, you know that it wasn't because of you. At least then you know you are better off without a skank.

What Guys Said 2

  • Since I experienced a situation almost exactly like this with my now ex-girlfriend, reading this literally made my skin crawl.

    We had been dating for nearly 6 years, and were practically living together. She had logged into my computer one afternoon to check facebook, and forgot to log out. Much later that night, after she left, I went to check MY messages. Not yet realizing she was still logged in, I clicked on a new message she had received. I immediately realized it was not meant for me. It was from some guy I didn't know. Judging by their message history, they had only been talking like 2 weeks. Their most recent exchanges went something like this:

    Guy: I wanna f*** you so bad!?

    Her: Me too. I think we should do it. Like tonight. You free?

    Guy: Yep, I'll be ready if you are.

    Her: Definitely. You'll be able to f*** me all night if you want.

    Guy: Morning too?

    Her: We'll see...

    Guy: Score!?

    Her: K. I'll be over soon.

    While I dealt with the various feelings of my blood boiling and wanting to throw up, I deduced through the messages that this would be the first hook up. The thought that this dude was railing my girlfriend as I was reading literally made me sick. So, I called her. No answer. I called her again ten minutes later. No answer again. Called once more 20 minutes later. No answer. I despaired and gave up.

    Well, she eventually called 8 am the next morning. I told her to come over so we could discuss something. She said she'd be by in a few hours.

    I wanted so desperately to believe that she didn't do what I KNEW IN MY HEART she did.

    I figured I would give her one chance to come clean.

    The convo went something like this:

    Me: So, what were you up to last night?

    Her: I went to bed early. I was really tired. I still kinda am ::I thought "uh huh..."::

    Me: K, I thought you might have gone out last night.

    Her: Noooo...

    Me: You sure?

    Her: ::Looking me dead in the eyes:: of course.

    She looked me dead in the face and lied. That hurt like nothing else I've ever felt. Before or since.

    It was the toughest thing I ever had to do, but I kicked her out the next day. Told her I knew everything. She didn't deny it or fight it. She said nothing. Then she left. Just like that after 6 years. I began to question if I did the right thing.

    Recently, I learned through a friend that she DID cheat that night. Her friend also told me that the dude gave her chlamydia. It seems there is justice in this world after all.

    Take my advice, and confront her about this guy BEFORE anything happens. This guy obviously wants to f*** her, and he will wear down her defenses. It's just a matter of time.

    Use the information you have to your advantage.

    Good luck, man.

  • If the positions were reversed would she be OK with a woman doing the same and you interacting with her? Maybe she would be OK. If she isn't OK that will show her hypocrisy .You know what you want in this relationship and establish what is acceptable and what is not. Be concern that it all could be true. You don't want be ignorant about relationship. I would approach her and be firm and discern what she says. She might turn the guilt on you for checking her email. But I would suggest an you tell her to stop corresponding with the guy. If she has to choose than she doesn't have her priorities straight.

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