I call her out on her lack of reciprocation and decide to move on. She's hurt/angry but why do I feel like the bad guy?

A woman whom I was interested talked for about a year. Mutual friends warned me that she was crazy, tends to go after guys who aren't right for her. Over time I confess my feelings and she felt the same. I lived in another state and would frequently fly to see her. However, for the entire time I've known her, I wondered if she really was interested. I initiated every conversation, I sent gifts for the holidays, I flew to her, yet those weren't reciprocated. She even said she'd write me while in boot camp which she never did. But when in person it different. She's a bartender and whenever Im at her bar she'd run around the counter for a hug and give me free drinks. On our first date, I asked all the questions, but she didn't ask any. We planned to spend New Years in Hawaii, I planned to cover her flight/hotel. She said she'd request that time off but weeks later her request still wasn't approved. One day, she mentions an Indianapolis trip that same month is definitely happening and in my mind I thought "How could you get that trip approved when the Hawaii plan was made before that?" My last week in Colorado, we arrange another date. But then she's gone for days. I was angry with her but I let it go. She somehow thought I already left so she stayed at a friends. I never saw her that week so I left her a heartfelt letter which stated that its been tough getting to know her since she's busy but Im willing to keep at it, and to call me when she gets the letter. Days later, haven't heard a word

Another week of this, I done feeling like a needy child, so I stand up for myself. I told her how I haven't seen any reciprocation and maybe I should devote my time to someone and that if I'm wrong, lets discuss this. She lashes out saying that I was hurtful, refuses to be spoken to like that, and dont contact her anymore as she's cutting out all negativity from her life. I just wanted her to see how I was being effected. Why do I feel like Im wrong for doing so?


Most Helpful Girl

  • You're fine without her. Don't feel guilty too because you didn't do anything wrong. She doesn't realize how lucky she is because several women will prefer having a man who's willing to spend quality time with them and they will never ever let go of that man. + She's clearly not interested in you if it seems like her interests are the top priority of your relationship because she did not even care about yours.


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What Girls Said 1

  • Wow, while reading this I started to strongly dislike your girlfriend.

    She doesn't deserve you and you deserve much and much better. Let her go, please let her go, she'll drain you more and more. She won't make you happy.

    You're not wrong at all, she's selfish and inconsiderate of your feelings.

    • We were never in a relationship (thank goodness). I've just been crushing on her for about a year

What Guys Said 1

  • Why did you have to let her know how it was affecting you? That’s bs—you wanted her to feel like shit because she hurt you and you wanted to hurt her back, just be honest about it.
    And that’s the problem. You should have just walked away, from what you say she wouldn’t have noticed for several more months anyway

    • Because I believe in talking this out like an adult when Im feeling wronged. By doing so they could possibly fill you in with details you may help you understand the reasons for their actions. Better than getting no closure and misinterpreting a situation

    • “Closure”, what people say when they want to speak their mind and make someone else feel miserable without feeling bad themselves

    • Maybe you do, but that is not the purpose of closure. If you can't understand that, the point is lost

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