How do you reject a guy without hurting his feelings?

A few weeks ago, I went out with a guy. He was very nice, but I just didn't feel any chemistry. Today he asked me I'd I want to go out again some time. How do I reject him without hurting his feelings?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • If you aren't attracted you aren't attracted, but don't confuse that with chemistry. Chemistry sometimes takes time to build. In first dates, there can sometimes be nerves involved that prevent chemistry from everyone involved. Some men and women like to take things slower than you might expect.

    Sparks happen when you least expect it and don't when you are looking for it and expect it to happen right away. I have a feeling so many men and women miss out on something good when they put so much pressure on a single encounter.

    Of course if things feel completely off then it could be a compatibility issue, but I think good chemistry develops over time.

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    • In other words in this fast paced world people forget to stop and smell the roses. They shot themselves in the foot with their impatience.

    • Yes, I think the more appropriate word is compatibility (or lack thereof).

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What Guys Said 199

  • You can't - he's going to be at least a little hurt. All you can do is tell him the truth in the kindest way possible, but make sure you extinguish all hope for the two of you.

    Tell him the positive things about him, and if you didn't like something, tell him that too so he can learn from it (if things go that far). Be honest without being brutal if you can.

    But if he pushes back or doesn't seem to get it, you may need to be more blunt and not care as much about his feelings. Hopefully it won't come to that.

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    • What are you kidding?

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    • Who else but quagmire?

    • I told you jerkoffs in the beginning.. Burn , throw out the trash... He will learn from it I assure ya..

  • Why do you think it will hurt his feelings?

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    • First persuade him emotionally then say i can't... he will not b hurted

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    • Can someone please explain the female down votes?

    • She went out with him once and he waited two weeks to ask her about a second date. It really doesn't sound like he is all that invested in developing a relationship here.

  • Its very dimples. Change your attitude girl !! You may think your the best thing since sliced bread. But if you had as much time as you think , then you must be in early tens... Anyone knows that now when a woman girl etc. reaches her early 30$ then she has a snow balls chance in hell of getting ANY man...

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    • This coming from a 60 year old loser, lol.

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    • I knew you would throw in some pathetic ramblings yourself when you can't figure out how to tell a loser to take a hike. Get a life on faceboook lol

    • If you haven't noticed, this is a site where you can ask for the options of others. If you have nothing better to do then berate people for asking a question, than you have a very sad, pathetic life. It's people like you who are cancerous to this site.

  • You can't always spare someone's feelings, that is not necessarily within your power and it is not always your responsibility. Not being deliberately cruel is more than enough. The truth may not always be pleasant in these situations but it does the other person the most favours. Just say that you enjoyed the date but you didn't really feel any chemistry. Don't offer to be friends, that never comes across well. Just be honest.

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  • He waited weeks to contact you: means he has been with 1-5 other women since then. It’s not like it’s just 2 day s after your date. Don’t sweat it.

    Say ‘thanks but I’m dating someone else now.’ Which is true... or wait weeks to write him back. What’s the rush if he took weeks to contact you? Hmm?

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  • There is no way to not hurt someone's feelings when it's not right between the two of you using words like rejected is not a good start there's no chemistry you are not compatible you don't see it going anywhere but at the end of the day you are not responsible for how he takes it as long as you have made every effort not to be as tactful as you can about it

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  • In my Opinion it's the best to tell him straight forward how you feel. It is the best for both sides. Tell him how you feel and exactly how you feel and no lets stay friends (exept for you actaully want to do it) or keeping him on the short line in any other way. No sugarcoating whatsoever. Sugarcoating is hurting him in the long term so just tell him what you feel, also no it's not you it's me bullshit, which is actually just the same as sugarcoating

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  • All you do is say "Thanks but this isn't going to work for me." That's all. If he's hurt it's not your problem and there's nothing you can do about it. If he asks why, just "Sorry, I'm just not feeling it." Don't offer any further explanation. If he's clueless enough to persists then firmly say "Sorry, that's my final answer. Good bye." And hang up or walk away or just stop responding.

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  • Men are very simple, no matter how emotional they may seem. Give the THE TRUTH, and keep it moving. We are designed to be strong, women were made to have all of what we have and more. That's why we tend to get in more trouble than our counterparts. Give him "the spanking" and move on. He'll get over it faster than the both of you think.

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  • Just be forthright. Tell him straight that you just don't have feelings for him. He won't be happy, but the truth is you can't avoid hurting his feelings if he's already invested them. Hell, he might even appreciate that you were honest with him and didn't waste either of you two's time.

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  • Be honest with him. Say that you went you that day, that it was good, but that you don't see you liking him as more than a friend (or you don't see something else happening) and that you'd prefer not to continue and you don't wanna give him false hopes. I think it'll be polite enough, give the message and suffice.

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  • You should have enough respect for him to be honest and say "no thanks".
    I had several women in my 20's who would accept dates and then never have the guts to c a cancel when they were never really interested to begin with. I think their rationale was "not hurting my feelings". It didn't work because they were dishonest.

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  • you can't. If you really wanted to go out with a guy and he said you were ugly and there was no way he would go out with you, how would you feel? And yes, I know that isn't what your saying but that is how he is going to take it. just sayin, women need to stop thinking that men are "Friends" . You don't have any male "Friends", just men that are friendly because they want sex.

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    • Lol, totally untrue. I've got many guy friends who are just friends. Not all guys view every girl in a sexal way.

  • I'm not sure that's possible.
    Either be too soft and he'll think there's still hope, or be too harsh, both is bad. Just be sensitive but tell him bluntly what's up. If he has feelings for you, they will be hurt. If he's just interested, then nothing will be hurt.
    Maybe find a friend who could fit to him to direct his attention that way and play armor :P

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  • Straight up? Just tell him. Be respectful and honest. We FUCKING HATE being strung along, pointing in all that work for pussy that has no intentions of fucking us. I've maintained good friendships with women I dated that weren't into me, because they were straight with me.

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  • Tell him exactly what you said here. You weren’t feeling any chemistry. If he’s a mature adult, he will understand. For me personally, I can’t stand when girls keep flaking on me, or worse, ghost me. I’d rather hear it straight and honest and have that mental closure

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  • There is no way to not hurt his feelings, but it is better to just come out and tell him you just don't feel anything for him.

    It will hurt, no one like being turned down by someone they are interested in. But better to be honest and blow him off, than trying to be kind and leading him into thinking there is something there when there is not.

    Believe me, it hurts a lot more and can make you hate when you find out someone was leading you on.

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  • If you do like him as a friend tell him that he is a very nice guy but you like him more as a friend but if you dont like him as a friend either you can't reject him without hurting him but you got to do it cause else he probably won't get it

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  • The short answer? You dont. It's gunna hurt him. Whats the good way to tell someone you dont feel the same way? It's not exactly gunna tickle.

    All you can do is be honest and as kind and empathetic as possible.

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  • You politely tell him exactly that. If he can't handle that without a crisis how could he have survived to adulthood in the first place.

    REMEMBER:
    YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR OTHER PEOPLE'S EMOTIONAL STATES, THEY ARE.

    Your only real duty is to tell the truth.

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What Girls Said 51

  • You don’t, getting turned down by someone You are genually interested in hurts, but the thing is. Not turning people down and either stringing them along or having them go nuts trying to figure out wtf is going on, is much MORE hurtfull.

    So what is the best and right thing to do is to be clear, and to do it as early as You know it Yourself.
    That way everyone involved have a chance to deal, and then move on to the next possible love interest.

    That is the adult way of doing it.

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  • Let him down gently and just say you had a lovely time and felt he was really sweet but in terms of compatibility, you didn't feel the initial spark you thought you would. Maybe it was first date nerves or maybe that's just the truth. Even still, possibly things may be different the second time? Could always even agree to go for a coffee and see how it goes now you are better acquainted than strangers. Good luck!

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  • I’ve been in the same boat girl, I get this. Just be like “hey, I really enjoyed our date and everything and I think you’re a really great guy but I think if be better off if we just stayed friends!” He might be upset but hey it was one date and you’re still being very nice and you’re not leading him on either! Maybe he will take it nicely and maybe you guys can always still be friends! It’s good to have guy friends!

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  • Don't assume. Just be straight and blunt with him. No matter what, he'll respect and appreciate you for it a lot more in the end. If he gets pissy or tries to manipulate you into giving him more time, or another chance, he's not mature in the first place.

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  • Well it's not necessarily rejecting if you just have anything in common with that guy and he's not what you want you can just be like I'm sorry but I just don't want to be in a relationship at the moment I'm just focusing on me.

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  • Just say you don't feel the same way.

    Be nice, but don't sugar coat it. Saying things like "you're not ready for a relationship" could leave him lingering around waiting and he'll be even more hurt once he finds out he's been being led on.

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  • This has happened to me a few times and I usually do this via text where I tell him that I feel that there is no chemistry but thank you for the good time. You always want to throw a positive in there also.

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  • I think it's best in these situations to let him know you think he's a great guy but you don't feel a romantic connection.

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  • All you can do is be polite and direct. There's no way to not hurt their feelings, but you can avoid being deliberately mean.

    Guys complain all the time how cruel women are because we rejet them but they also complain if you lead them on just to be nice, so you can't win either way.

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  • It sucks so bad when they're actually nice people and we still don't connect anyway :(
    He might feel quite sad because you're not on the same page as he seems to be (since he asked you out again)... But be honest and try to stay kind and friendly.

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  • You are going to hurt his feelings anyway, but you can try to minimize that by telling him that it's not about anything he has done and say a few words of encouragement.

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  • I think at that point it's best to maybe be as to the point as you can rather than dragging it out. Definitely let him know that he was very nice, and you said it yourself, just tell him you don't think you two quite work together. If he's the kind of person you'd be open to staying friends with then tell him that too! :)

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  • Just tell him the truth, if you don't and keep going out with this guy and if y'all go out for a very long time he will want to date him and than if you tell him that you don't like at that point he will get his feelings hurt. It's better to tell him the truth than comforting him with a lie

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  • Just say "No." Yeah, It's hard to come right out and say it, and sure, it probably doesn't feel great to hear, but it's ultimately the best way. Or here's a gentler line, "You're a nice guy, but I'm just not into you in that way." You really don’t owe every guy who falls in love with you an explanation about why you’re uninterested in him, or why you want to reject him.

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  • Juat be straight with him, that he s a great guy it that your just not interested. That's dating, your not always gonna end up being right for each other, so you move on.

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  • Just be honest and as kind and respectful as you can

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  • Just say "it was nice to meet you. You're a lovely man, but I'm just not feeling the attraction."

    It will sting a bit but it was one date and he will be ok.

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  • Tell then in the kindest way and make it "sugary"

    Per example :

    " I'm sorry! You're the best and I can't be with you right now... I have *but response in here* and it's something that I have to do... You're sweet and kind and all those nice things... can we be friends at least?"

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    • Yes u can

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    • Mm... thats true. Thank you :)

    • No problem.

  • Don't be harsh, but it's not your job to make him feel good. He shouldn't be offended by your rejection, you don't owe him anything.

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    • Very reasonable. And you are in a way helping him, rejection is the best part which will make optimistic people even more stronger.

  • Have sex with him.. He won't give a duck after that and no feelings hurt :)
    You're welcoled

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