What are his intentions?

So I went out for dinner and then hooked up with this random guy while I was out of town so I thought it was kind of a one night stand thing and I wasn’t expecting him to text me back because I was just looking for a hookup, but now he keeps telling me that he’s coming to the city where I live soon and that we can meetup again and do something “special” and he keeps calling me babe and stuff, so basically I am confused as to whether this guy thinks if this is just a casual hookup type of thing or if he wants to date me because I’m not looking for a boyfriend at all. He keeps giving me mixed signals. I would like to hear a guy’s perspective on this because if you just wanted to hookup with a girl wouldn’t you just not text her back and then just find some other girl to hookup with? He’s 26 and I’m 19 if that makes a difference.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • If you don't want a boyfriend then that's your choice, tell him that it was just a one night thing, it's not your fault if he wants something more

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Most Helpful Girl

  • If he is giving you mixed signals, it's time for you to give him a very clear one.

    Men are very visual creatures. This means they may not always see the social nuances behind a woman's actions and misinterpret their intentions. This also happens to be why men so often see interest where there is none. Women are less visually stimulated but more mentally stimulated, so they may pick up on subliminal cues but not the obvious and intentional ones.

    His "not so subtle" intentions seem pretty clear. He can't get over the idea that you aren't actually his, even if you've never discussed that as a possibility. For a small portion of guys, they think that if they have sex with a woman they "own" her in some way. This isn't always malicious, but it does grant them a sense of entitlement. He might feel like he deserves your affection and attention.
    If that's not what you're looking for right now then you need to give him a very clear message, not simply let him continue to delude himself.

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • Thank you so much for your detailed response! How do you think I should tell him that I'm just interested in seeing each other casually and hooking up? Because he was fun to hangout with, I just don't want it to be serious. I can't tell if he might be a player though so I don't know if by calling me "babe" and all the other stuff that he's just trying to say the right things to get what he wants, which is the same thing I want if that makes sense, so I don't want him to think that he's playing me and give him that satisfaction, when I want to just let him know we both want the same thing.

    • Everything you said absolutely makes sense to me. You don't want to give him any type of misplaced satisfaction by making him think you're falling for him romantically. We're both mature enough to know that men and women sometimes get their kicks from intentionally trying to own the affections of others, sometimes multiple people, so the best way to let him know you aren't down for that is to make sure YOUR signals are very clear. It's totally within your right and socially ok to remind him that this is just a casual thing. You could even say "I really like hanging out with you, and everything that comes with it 😉 because you're really fun and it makes me feel so carefree, but I also want to make sure you feel the same way. I want to make sure we're on the same page about this being a casual thing between us".

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What Guys Said 3

  • If you want a casual hookup just tell him be honest and direct.

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  • He is trying to kidnap you. Buy a firearm

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  • To be together forever

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What Girls Said 1

  • He had fun last time and thinks it'll be like that when you meet up again, whether it's to smash or nah. But what can really beat that now? He could be looking for something more, but what could that possibly be, given your history?

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