Any hope for a pure nice guy like me?

I'm 17, i've been hurt and used too much by girls, i'm loving, compassionate, sensitive, considerate and i always put my partner's well-being ahead of mine, i've been called an angel many times, but don't get me wrong i'm not bragging, none of this is good, being like this just makes it easier for females to manipulate me and my feelings, i'm weak for them so they take that as an advantage and use me to make themselves feel better, not to mention that i'm sometimes very jealous, emotional, and a bit too sensitive (i hide it tho), i look strong on the outside because i work out daily but once they get to see me from the inside they use me, also by "pure" in the title i mean that i'm still a virgin and will be a virgin until my wedding night, two of my ex's dumped me because i refused to have sex with them, i want my first sex to be precious.

Point is, is it possible to find a girl just like me? A loving, caring, considerate and compassionate virgin girl who will love me as much as i love her, respect my insecurities and curate them instead of using them against me? Or are females naturally heartbreakers for nice guys?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • i'm looking for a guy like you. yes there are girls out there. unfortunately at our age it's hard to find them.

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    • That makes me feel warm inside, but girls like you are decreasing so quickly and it would take a lot of pain and heartbreak to find one ;/

    • that's why i don't date. cause i don't feel like going through so much heartbreak and pain. i just want someone romantic and nice. not looking for sex. it's hard to find those boys especially in a society that pushes hookup culture so much.

    • Omg saaame >.< two of my ex's dumped me cuz i wouldn't give them sex, apparently they only loved my body not my personality, while i didn't really care about how they looked, they weren't beautiful to be honest, but i loved the fake personalities they showed : P i just want romance, sex can come on the wedding night and after

Most Helpful Guy

  • They aren't heartbreakers naturally. Socially girls are taught to like the bad guys, so its only partly their fault. Eventually they'll learn after experiencing bad guys or some are smart enough to know better.

    Remove the title of nice guy from your vocab, girls see it as two things

    A guy whose really nice and whatever but i have no attraction to (in fact that's why he's nice because guys i like hurt me)

    Or

    A nice guy is cool but they're needy insecure or problematic to date.

    All definitions of nice guys from my girlfriend and ex's.

    I'm a nice guy and have been my whole life, so you can imagine hearing this both confused me and explained so much.

    Gym, barbers, laundry; focus on these three things and women while become waaaay more drawn to you.
    As for the personality traits that make you a "nice guy".

    Don't be so readily available for just anyone, only for the type of girl/friends who do the same for you. Ideally (make sure she shows the effort first, it's a good indicator). Don't be like me, who after a string of heartaches being used to make others jealous or being stood up to learn this lesson.

    Keep yourself busy doing the hobbies that you love. Don't have any hobbies? Explore and try new things, girls love guys who appear adventurous. You will most likely meet cool people doing these things and eventually your girlfriend who is also cool as shit.

    Most of all do it all for you. Don't be needy bruh. Whether single or dating, if you aren't happy yourself you'll seek that from your partner, unconsciously or not, and that will put them off.

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    • I hate myself for not being independant... Sigh, i hate how i was raised tbh, kindness never helps

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    • I agree with that, i've been called an "angel" many times, but for some reason at the end they just turn cold and end everything... Guess i picked the wrong girls :/ i don't wanna change myself :(

    • 👍 👍👍👍

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What Girls Said 1

  • Maybe take a break

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What Guys Said 5

  • I feel like I understand you. While I never dated in high school, I had a best friend (who was a girl) and it totally trashed my life when I lost her (she started dating this other guy who didn't deserve her). I have always tried to focus on the needs of others without any thought for my own and it has ended up with me getting used countless times. I thought by being sacrificial all the time I would be the ideal boyfriend. That was until I met this girl in college that appreciated who I was, but challenged me to value what I thought/wanted as well and not just let people walk all over me. She valued my happiness and helped me grow to value it too. She helped me see that sometimes it makes someone more happy to know that they are doing something that you want to do, than to always do what they want. It was difficult for me to grasp at first, but I have grown so much since then. Most importantly, for the first time, I feel so happy and fulfilled. This summer I will be marrying that incredible girl who is now my best friend and the love of my life. On our wedding night we will both be virgins and I couldn't be happier that we have saved all of ourselves to give fully to each other in that moment. So don't lose hope, learn to see value in your wants and needs, and somewhere out there is a girl who will see it too and love you for who you are, not what you can do/sacrifice for her.

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    • Omg i'm so happy for you, you must be feeling extremely happy right now, i know i would. srsly tho i envy u xD

    • Hey man, two years ago I felt just like you do now. Hang in there, your time will come!

    • Hopefully ^^

  • That's part of the problem, you are nice guy-women hate nice guys-especially those who proclaim themselves as such, they are mostly attracted to strong, confident men who are assertive with their desires.

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    • I'm strong physically and emotionally, but they're the only exception, they become my weak spot cuz i get so committed you see ;/

    • Yeah, okay I see what you mean.

      Have you tried being assertive?

      Not mean or violent, but just telling them politely, (but firmly) that you noticed or disliked when those girls did things like that?

    • I should from now on, when i'm in love i'm just blinded, i tried being firm like u said in my last relationship but the girl was manipulative (and probably had BPD after i did some research)

  • No.. become a bad boy instead

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  • Hope dies last

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  • It's unlikely. Some of your traits are positives. Here are the problems:
    "i always put my partner's well-being ahead of mine"
    "respect my insecurities and curate them"

    Relationships are partly about sexual attraction. Women have NOT evolved to have sex with weak men. It was a bad, bad, bad idea. For men? Sex with a sweet shy girl was not a bad idea for most of human evolution. But for women, such a man is not able to protect her/her young, and is also passing along weak genetics. Generally they want men who seem strong and capable. Able to be independent and successful. Sweet shy boys appeal to their mothering side, but not their romantic side.

    The exception might be asexual women, who aren't actually looking for someone they find desirable. They might also be very happy about your 'no sex till marriage' thing. They just won't want it after, either.

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    • Just like how i ignore most of her negatives, she should ignore at least one of mine, also i said i'm "weak for them" other than that i make bullies bleed on a daily basis, i'm strong n shit but they're my weak spot you see, i can't not love deeply, and loving deeply comes with some weakness to the partner :/

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