If you had been single for awhile but had been on quite a few average dates would you rather lower your standards or wait for your ideal match?

How long would you wait?
If you had been single for awhile but had been on quite a few average dates would you rather lower your standards or wait for your ideal match?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You have to have standards, but they also have to be the right standards. If someone pursues someone else only for their looks or their wealth, then they are setting themselves up for potential hardship.

    Sometimes it is better to be single and miserable, than to be with someone and be even more miserable.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't get this whole lower your standands thing tbh. My standards consist of a guy npt being a jerk, sharing similar moral values, having a srrong work ethic etc. I'm not going to lower in areas like that.
    Now girls who have lists like, he must be so tall, look like a model, have a certain color of hair, eyes and skin etc. Are a little insane.
    You will not find a "perfect " guy and there are no "perfect" girls so stop thinking you deserve perfect.
    I'm speaking generally and not directly to you asker.

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What Guys Said 34

  • Yeah I haven't even been laid for three years it's so sad LOL I've had many opportunities but I've learned my lesson on that before convenience just never works out so I think I'll wait I think a relationship could be very special and very good with the right person

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    • Do you date much?

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    • That’s very kind and admirable though, but I can definitely see how it might be time to take some of that effort invested in others and use it for yourself

    • Yes i agree but its hard to stop helping people like Mom and Pops I just people that can't afford it it's a real weird situation this place that I work for they are just pure assholes and they write people up on their houses for not having something done and they threatened them to kick them out and it just pisses me off that they would even treat people like that so I do what I do to help them

  • I have been through the wash on both sides of this. Dated a millionaire as well as poor women. Beautiful as well as not so good looking.

    It comes down to compatibility. Been single for 8 years and will remain that way till I find "her". Till then it is fun to fuck an occasional woman on the side.

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  • I can wait for long periods of time. But the real question is, will she wait for you or play you are a fool and never see you again? The thing I hate about women they are never loyal. If a man pours his heart into a woman and she never comes back to him, you know she's been manipulating you from the very start. You can wait for girl for days, weeks, months, or years, and it will only be matter of time before that woman stabs you in the heart with a wooden stake.

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  • i do not date and never compromise standards. i am still in love with my ex-wife despite little hope of resolution. i feel like one of those old 'wogs' perennially draped in black after losing a partner. the vow never ends. if this makes sense

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    • It does, but it seems sad 😕 are you still in each other’s lives?

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    • It’s not always sad, often we can create a beautiful reality to live in when it all aligns 😊

    • Of course, but you create your reality. The 'good, bad and devastatingly ugly'

      My life is a kaleidoscope along that scope

  • Standards are like labels and are very restrictive. Sure, we all should have boundaries and clear idea of our goals and the types of people we want to associate with to achieve our goals, but often times standards are mutable depending on a variety of factors.

    You might say to yourself, "I am not attracted to men shorter than me. The guy also has to make at least 80% of what I make annually. He also has to be very dominant in bed with at least 5 or more sex partners. He should be married previously because I don't think I could relate to a never married man." so on and so forth.

    Notice how all of those standards are like reading statistics off a sheet of paper. Like it is a checklist of a perfect person.

    But what if you met a man who didn't completely met all of those "requirements" but he just seemed to "get you"? What if he made you laugh, not because he was a comedian or overly clever, but because he seemed to understand you and said certain things that touched something inside? Now suddenly the guy who is somewhat-cute, so-so handsome, starts to become attractive to you. You notice he is about the same height as you. Wow, he only works for a construction company and doesn't have a degree, but he doesn't seem all that simple. He seems complex. He has his opinions and he is willing to talk about feelings. Then you find out he has only had one girlfriend before you, and she was his only partner, but wow, he sure knows how to kiss. He also looks straight into your eyes after, as if he is thinking the exact same thing you are. "Wow".

    After all, is said and done, standards can go straight out the window if a person is "right" for us. One quality in a person who wasn't right for us in the past doesn't mean that quality is going to define the compatibility of a person in our future. You might have had a bad experience with a shy guy in the past for example and contribute the incompatibility to his shyness, but shyness, just like any other quality, is far more nuanced, far less black and white as it would seem. And then we realize that qualities like shyness, they don't have to be qualities at all. They are only behaviors, behaviors that don't determine a person's core worth, behaviors that can be changed, behaviors are acted out in a wide spectrum of ways.

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  • I’m happy to be alone than with someone I don’t really like. It’s completely unfair on the other person too, because you’ll get bored of them.

    That’s different slightly from aimin for high standards and accepting when someone can’t quite tick every box though, you have to balance realism with self value.

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  • Never settle for average and make every date an adventure. Life is really weird. I dated and dated and really sort of stumbled into the woman that would be my wife. It started very innocuously and we quickly realized we saw the world with a similar vision. Anyway that's my tiny two cents. Good luck

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  • Well I've had about 40 dates in nearly 3 years of dating and not been able to convert one into a girlfriend yet. I've lowered my standards to the point of dating someone in a wheelchair atm and sure enough she wants to be my girlfriend as she sees me as the catch but she gives me too much, too easy so I can't see us that way. I gotta keep on trying to date more people and hope someone out there likes me.

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  • I'd wait, but it's different for guys since we don't have a fertility clock

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  • I wouldn't lower my standards because if you do, and you start dating someone with "lower standards ". In the long term, you will resent your partner for not being good enough and it will most likely lead to a break up.

    So I'll wait however long it takes to find a partner.

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  • I'd get off my arse, and up my game.

    Sometimes, you need to make things happen, rather than just wait for them to come along.

    I've never lowered my standards, and I've got no plans to start.

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  • It depends on what I want. If I want sex I would slightly lower my standards so I can easily get pussy. But if I wanted a relationship I would stay with high standards. I am not desperate. I dont need a woman. Other than sex, the drama and the dissapointment makes being in a relationship overrated. Im waiting for the extraordinary person that comes along. Someone who isn't a gold digger too.

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  • I've been waiting two and a half years and still nothing :-(

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    • So you would choose waiting? Or would you consider dropping your standards slightly

    • I've dropped my standards slightly and still nothing, I'm on tinder and hot or not and they both suck lol.

  • I’d change my social circles/go visit places more likely to have what I want & wait.

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  • Dating is a good thing. You get to meet new people, experience a different side and then also learn what you want or need in a relationship. Keep dating until you find a compatible one

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  • Don't wait for u know the perfect guy and all. Just keep an eye on the person who is good and is treating u well and is interested in u. Try to date him and see if things actually go somewhere.

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  • Sure i would go for few dates, but as time passes i am more insecure, so ill pass

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  • Standards are good to have, however if they are really high, you need to ask yourself what you bring to the table to demand such things.

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  • Just keep doing as you are. You can't separate the averages dates from the great ones if you don’t continent to go out and compare them.

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    • I’m married, the question is as it’s asked 😊 not what I should personally do

  • Thats the only way, Im going to get a girlfriend is if a girl lowers her standards for a guy like me but its not likely :(

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What Girls Said 11

  • Waiting. I used to be the self-respecting person that only went for guys that matched whatever standards I looked for in a guy that I could also give out. But then I was feeling unappreciated and overlooked, so I started settling for less when losing so much self-esteem. I did things that made it worse each time. And now I'm working on being my best self again. Just so I can better attract that I dream of for so many years. He exists. Because I exist. I believe there is always someone for every individual. Some may have more than one. And some may have only one. Some may have only themselves as the one they are meant for.

    My experiences has taught me not to settle. Nor matter how insecure and desperate you fell. Well; to be honest, I knew damn well before that not to. But I still felt I no other option but to. Because being single at the time wasn't an option for me. Now it is.

    I don't mind waiting. It's best to wait for the right one than to settle for just any random person that is less than what you deserve.

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  • I’m in a steady relationship now so it’s easy to say “wait it out”. But I’d been on lots of horrible dates in the past so I remember those and think holding on for the right guy is a small price to pay

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  • there's still time, your a lovely looking woman you'll be fine!

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  • continue the fun dates
    have a blast
    waiting for The One to appear
    and never look back or be tempted thereafter

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  • Wait for your match. You will meet someone eventually, I went on several dates before but none really stood out to me or they had red flags or I just didn't feel that kind of magnetism, and that's okay, just means you're not really a match. Just keep going with the flow, but don't make looking for a relationship a priority because that will eventually weigh you down and feel like you have to lower your standards and settle for something less. (Only lower your standards if you have a whole lot of superficial shit that don't even matter).
    I eventually met someone who I ended up very drawn to because we had such a strong connection, and I'm now glad I waited. Patience hun 😉

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  • I love myself therefore my expectations and my standards are high because I value myself.

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  • I would have to say wait it out. Just because you feel like there's not that one for you doesn't mean you should settle for the person who won't treat you right and understand who you are as a person

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  • Definitely wait, never settle

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  • I would wait

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  • I don’t settle for anyone.

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  • Never accept less then average.

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