Should single parents date if they can't have more kids?

I'm 27 with two children at home and I want to date but it seems selfish. I don't want to "have a father figure for the kids" or have him "become part of the family" so should I just stop dating? Also, I chose to have my tubes tied so the men I date now would have to accept a very slow dating process without the possibility of having his own family with me. Sure I wish things were different but this is just how things are now and it really is a lot to expect in a relationship. Give up or give in? 🤔


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I married a woman who I knew had a hysterectomy. There are lots of guys like me who do not want to have kids. In fact something smart you could do is to go to The Hamptons in the summertime where lots of single rich guys had vasectomies.

    https://www.google.com/search?q=Hamptons+vasectomy

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    • What? Wait a second, you're a married woman and also a guy who doesn't want kids and you suggest that I go to the Hamptons to find sterile men and follow some link about vasectomies?

      No, thank you this is not the type of advice I'll consider but i appreciate your time

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    • Lol no thank you I've had an epiphany over the past few minutes but I appreciate your positivity

    • Well, if you are sophisticated enough to properly use words like epiphany, then you are certainly marriage material.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Ok here is my outlook on this, there are guys out there that do not want children or eventually will see your children as their own. But when someone doesn't want children in general this is where you may run into a problem if you ever want to progress your relationship with them. You say you dont want them to be a father figure to your kids however if they are involved in your life and your kids are young chances are he will be UNLESS you just plan on dating occasionally and have no real stepping stone and keep it at a constantly level. If your kids are older then it may be different slightly however considering your age I couldnt image they're that old.

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    • It's complicated. And messy

      It's safer not to although I'm young

      Thank you

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 17

  • No absolutely not should you give in!

    You don't think you deserve someone for you just because you have children and chose never to have more? I'm sorry but that's absolute nonsense. Everyone deserves someone. There are guys out there just looking for that right someone, they don't mind kids but don't have the notion of starting a family either.

    I get it that's it's hard but nothing worth having came easy.

    I sincerely hope that you find that special someone!

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  • Just go for it anyway. Find a single dad. Its not selfish. You need love too. Don't give up, please.

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    • Also, just be upfront about it too if the topic comes up. There are men that will accept that.

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    • because if you were so sure of not doing it, you would not have asked on an internet forum. Just do it anyway. We all believe in you

    • Lol no but thank you I just needed to be clearly reminded why I don't..

      I just had a moment bc everyone in my life keeps saying I should but nobody has a reason for it. appreciate the optimistic outlook tho

  • Date someone else that already has kids. It isn't fair to date someone that has none and talk them into agreeing to not have any.
    My grandmother did that and talked one of my grandfathers into not having kids because she already had some. Then years later, she left him because he didn't make enough money to keep taking her on trips (he was in his 40s then) and then he never had any kids or family of his own.

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  • You're dating for yourself, not for your kids or any future kids. Go out, enjoy yourself, there are men out there who are both ok with you having kids and ok with you not being able to have more. You are worth more for yourself than the product of your ovaries. Never forget that you are worth it, regardless of how anyone else treats you.

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  • Thats a hard thing to do, possible but hard to date someone and not let them be a father figure as kids will always see different to what you want them to think (going on experience here) and can't duck out on your kids ether without explaining why but as for dating someone whos tubes are tied not really a dating problem

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    • If you date to mate and procreate then what else is the point once someone already has their own children and an established family of their own? Frankly, it's terrifying to consider the detriment to my children if I begin dating again and find myself sifting through unsuitable guys.

  • just because one has children it does not make her a slave to him as long as she's taking good care of her kids that's what counts but she has to have a life nobody wants to live alone or feel like you're alone as long as your children are safe property babysitters I don't see why not girl get out and have a good time

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  • Some guys don't want to be fathers, like myself. So yeah, there are guys out there who'd be interested in dating you.

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  • IT's not wrong to date if you don't want to have any more kids. But it IS wrong to date (romantically; hookups and casual outing are fine) if you don't want him to be the father of the kids in your house.
    Your kids aren't something you can reserve to the side. They're a part of the package. Society and the law will expect him to become their father, even if you don't. So don't string along a guy you don't want to be a parent to your kids; no one else will care what you think. If you marry, he will BE their father, in every practical, legal and moral sense.

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  • Nah, keep going and good luck to you. Some men will take on a ready made family.
    But be honest with them.

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  • Yes but I think it's better when they can have children.

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  • Yes, Single parents should date if they feel the desire to. As someone who has dated single moms before my main pointers would be.

    always be upfront about being a parent if they can't handle that it was never gonna work anyway.
    Set the rules about the kids. I was always very understanding about waiting to meet the kids until things got semi-serious and everyone was ready for the intro.
    don't worry about the "becoming part of the family" until your at that point down the road somewhere.
    Also again when you get to the point down the road somewhere and you both want a child or children tubes can be untired if desired.

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  • Date a single dad

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  • Why would they not?

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  • Don't give up just be up front ab the situation

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  • No... many guys would go for that. When they are ready to have kids, they will just go to somebody else.

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  • I think you’d find quite a few divorced men with kids out there who like kids but don’t want more who would consider that ideal.

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  • Keep dating. But be upfront about what you do and do not want. There will be guys that are put off by the idea of fathering someone else's kids.

    But then there are others who wouldn't mind. Or someone that has his own kids.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Of course you should date. It'll come up in conversation and a guy can decide for himself how he feels about it.

    I'm dating a single dad who doesn't want any more kids which is peeeeerfect.

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  • Sure but not for me.

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  • Yes sure

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  • Hey should do whatever they want to

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