Girls, do you believe in dating multiple men at once or do you prefer to focus on dating one person and prefer men do the same?

In the past, I never really went out on dates, during my 20s and early 30s, my relationships evolved from people I worked with, which was pretty easy to meet, as I was one of 10 people that everyone else had to speak to regularly. I actually found out years later I was more well liked than I thought. I had no difficulty making small talk with the girls there, but was afraid to approach, so what always happened was they would ask me if I was going to be at the bar, so even though I wasn't planning to, I'd say yes, catch up with them and things just went from there, never asked to be exclusive, we just ended up that way. It wasn't until years later that I realized I had 8 girlfriends over that 12 years, but was only ever seeing 1 girl at a time. After leaving there I went for about 3 years without seeing anyone because of health issues.

2 years ago, at 35, I started actually "dating" someone. She was looking around for the perfect man for her, I even found out she would keep a list of pros and cons about each guy she was dating. We were dating for about 4 months, during which time she had been on dates with at least 6 other men, before we actually called it exclusive. I wouldn't do that again, as I'm only into dating one person at a time, I was basically having to compete to win her. She was open about it, she wasn't going to have sex with any men until it became a relationship, our relationship didn't even last a month. I would never go through that again.

After that, I've been out on dates with several women, only 2 went beyond a first date, by my choice, and they ended up becoming relationships, I was the only man they were dating at the time. So 1 out of probably 8 women I've dated would see more than 1 person. All of these women were looking for long term relationships and not just casual dates.

It makes me wonder are most women in their upper 30s more into dating only 1 or do they usually date multiple men

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  • I do a lot of reading, and the advice women are given most often is to date multiple men. It keeps them from becoming too attached to one man, and keeps the man from feeling as though it's getting too serious too soon. While logically it makes perfect sense, I feel it's more a matter of personal preference and ones morals. I personally would not be able to date multiple men as it would cause me to feel guilty. (Even if I was open about it) If I'm interested in a man, I don't have the desire to see other men... I want to wait and see how things go. I feel like dating around would ruin my chances with a guy I genuinely care about.

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    • I am the same way, I can't date multiple women, it doesn't feel right. I'm also not the type that has worried about a relationship going too fast, though I've also rushed things once before, which was a big mistake. It's always ended up that if I was interested enough to kiss them, it ended up turning into a relationship before too long. Nowadays, I look at it from how I felt when I was dating the one dating a lot of others, I didn't like it, I wouldn't want to go through it again so I don't do it to them.

    • That's good. A lot of men out there want to keep their options open, so they usually use the casual relationship or friends with benefits route. While I can completely understand a man's apprehension to get involved too quickly, I can't see dating multiple people. Even in a friends with benefits scenario I still want exclusivity. I've been seeing my my "friend" for a few month's now, and i think it may be heading that way (relationship). We were both about 6 months out of long term relationships when started hanging out. So i think taking things slow is necessary for the both of us. But at the same time, I'm not getting too wrapped up in it because I have to be willing to walk away should we decide it's not what we want. We talked on the third meeting about keeping things casual and fulfilling our needs, and it works for us for the most part.

    • We never pressure each other in any way, or complain about the way things are. We're pretty adventurous and can keep up with each other sexually. We never nag each other about spending more time together. Its calm, patient, relaxing, and fulfilling. We're both single parents with careers so committing would be a huge step and complicated at the moment.

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