My boyfriend just did something shocking. What do I do?

Two nights ago my boyfriend and I had an argument about a silly issue. Sometimes we argue about small things, but he had some alcohol and I wasn't fully sober either. So the discussion got heated while we were in a hotel bedroom. He brought
up things from the past. We got very loud and he put his arms around my neck and strangled me.

He did it more than once and one time my head was just off the bed while he was doing it. I was numb from being a bit tipsy so I couldn't feel it until we ended and my neck was beating.

He's never done this before and we were very tense the next morning. He came to hug me and apologized that morning and said what he did wasn't right. I was very angry till then, but now I'm confused as to what to do. I love him and want to be with him, but I just wish he didn't do that. Is it possible to continue this relationship after this?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • His apology is not enough. If you are determined to stay with him then he needs to know that this event can never be repeated. It is a huge red flag. Furthermore, you need to hear from him what he intends to do to ensure that it doesn't happen again. Words come easy, actions count. There is no place for physical violence in a relationship, there is no excuse unless in self defence.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • the big question here from me to you is what the apology sincere, legit, meaningful, etc? or was it more of "well, sorry but whatever"? if it's the second one, definitely not. if it's the first one, id say it'd be fine to continue dating him but just make sure he knows what he did and to not do it again. yes you both were intoxicated which could've caused that action, but still, being intoxicated a lot or a little or not at all still shouldn't be the entire blame for what happened

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    • It was genuine. I could tell he was disappointed. We kissed and made up. However, I have been asking him to drink less, control himself or refrain from drinking and smoking. If he can't change or if I see any behavior that looks suspicious I think I should rather exit.

    • That sounds like a good idea to me as well. You don’t want to have a boyfriend who is good sober but a total (sorry my language) jackass when intoxicated, high, and/or however you feel after smoking

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What Guys Said 12

  • Possible but... sounds bad. If he did it now he will really do this again. If he hurt you now, then after longer time, marriage n stuff he will be even more agressive and I find it annoying girls keep loving guys who hurt them physically.

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  • being with a partner that shows evidence of abuse never ends well. and you can play 'but he was drunk card' but the real character of people comes out when drinking. I know this as a person who has a life full of alcohol abuse

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  • Well there is always two options. You can or not. Personally I would have not put up with it. I would have walked out right then.

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  • Honestly... as an outsider looking in with less context, i say no, you have to leave. Im sorry

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  • No. He did it once, he may do it again after drinking

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  • Nah, honestly after that he will most likely do it again.

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  • You are literally "in unsafe" hands

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  • Apologise means changes.
    Does he changed?

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    • He just recently did this and for the first time ever. I don't like how he acts lately when he drinks. Lately he doesn't really put actions to his words and I'm worried he will apply that to this.

    • I am afraid that drinks and your man is a bad join.

    • I agree. Whenever I bring that up though he gives me excuses like, "I'm not drunk" or "I can handle myself/the alcohol" and "it doesn't affect me, I'm sober. It takes a lot". He hates being wrong so this is hard to talk to him about.

  • its ok darling just relax

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  • let him go to meetings

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What Girls Said 12

  • ehhh, this is tough. If he was sober, i would say leave him, no question, but he was drunk. i've noticed and heard from my elders that drinking heavily makes you brutally honest, and or do or say things you wouldn't normally say or do. For example, maybe you were on the fence about cliff jumping 30 feet into water while sober, but while drunk, there would be no question that you'd jump off. Fighting occasionally in a relationship is normal and healthy because everyone has different opinions, and working them out, compromising, or expressing them is what makes arguing healthy, but only to a degree. If you are fighting about every little thing, every second, then thats not healthy. I would say that you're SO did not mean to strangle you, or intend to take the argument to that level. I would be very stern with him, but not rude, and just say it hurt you to see that side of him, and you would prefer to not ever experience that side of him again, and he should be able to control that-meaning not drinking to excess, or drinking at all when he's with you. hope this helps!

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  • From an unbiased person, I say that this is a huge red flag. I understand that substances alter your understanding, but at the same time, they shouldn't necessarily alter your behavior at this point- that's an excuse to use this for bad behavior. (Like when people try to blame alcohol for cheating) I don't believe that to be true.

    He needs to see a therapist at least for a check in or stop drinking. But for your sanity, one's gotta go.
    This behavior will more than likely be progressive.

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  • Set your boundaries. Be clear that if he ever dares do that again or harm you in any way, you 'll leave him, and everyone will learn about it. And follow through in case that happens.

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    • And tell him that alcohol makes happy people happier, sad people sadder, horny people hornier, hungry people hungrier and angry people angrier. That it enhances one's impulses and makes it difficult to control them. Present it as a general rule, that would apply to anyone, not especially him, so he doesn't get offended.

    • Thanks for mh!

  • You were both drunk. Not to be harsh, but get over it. If he is perfectly fine and doesn't do that without the alcohol, then you both should stay away from the alcohol. If he had anger issues regardless, look into medication, counseling or leaving. Just don't put yourself in danger and try not to break his heart either.

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  • I wouldn't continue. Sorry, that's harsh, but he just proved that you can't trust him and unless he never drinks again, you can't prevent that from happening. Even then, he's proven what he's capable of. There are people who would never strangle a woman, no matter how drunk and angry they are.

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  • Noooooooo!!! Never ever put up with a man putting his hands on you. I was beat and cheat on and almost killed in my first marriage. Get out now

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  • My aunt always tells me , if a man hits you once , he can do it again.

    He strangled you, he can do it again. You need to let him go before things gets worse the next time you both fight.

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  • I would leave him. While he may feel bad and apologize about having done that, now that he has done it to you once there is a very good chance it will happen again. It's a very common thing you hear about in abusive relationships. The abuser was intoxicated, they hurt you, then when they sober up they are sorry and promise it will never happen again, but the next time something happens, they do it again. Being with him is not worth your own safety or sanity, and he absolutely never should have done it in the first place.

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  • Well he was drunk. If it becomes constant then it's fucked up.

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  • Leave him

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