Why can't you just say "hello" on a dating app?

Here's what actually happens. This is a true and complete conversation between me and an extremely good looking guy who contacted me first.

I decided to respond in kind and see what happened.

Does he think he's so attractive that I should make all the effort? What is the point of this shit? Why can't you just say "hello" on a dating app??

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Always comment on something in their profile. That is the perfect opening to a convo.

    I agree, a simple hello is a waste of time via text.

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    • 5 days to get nowhere when he could have actually started a conversation.

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    • I haven't been on OLD sites for a while, but many women don't want to rush into a date right from the jump either. Some actually want to chat a little bit via DM before going on the date. I still feel that an offer for a date should happen within the first few messages, but if she expresses that it is too soon, then I just give her the space to think it over, back off a little bit, let her pursue me a bit. After all, being overly eager is also a bad look.

    • Yeah definitely don't wait too long. Otherwise that's a guarantee you'll both get bored and move on.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Wait so he hasn't Messeged you back sense yesterday?

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    • Well you started out generic. there's no excitement or fun in the way you started off.

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    • It's just 😩😂 I don't know. it depends what he's looking for. men don't like generic messages. meaning just "casual talk". men like action. if u sent him a message saying hey what's up what are your plans tonight? well I'm going to festival wanna join. u know. im not a guy but I have only brothers so I've kinda gotten used to there ways bc I'm literally the same 😩. Tom boy

    • That's a bit more appealing than the hey how are u. most people send those messages and once they send me that I don't know what to really say. I've gotta hang out with u to truly know how to effectively communicate with u. meaning u 2 need to hang out.

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What Guys Said 27

  • People choose to put in the least amount of effort with all sorts of stuff in their lives. This is definitely one of them. I wrote a mytake on this a while back check it out. These tips are just tips.. the point of the Take is "MAKE AN EFFORT"

    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a49536-a-few-tips-on-sending-better-online-dating-messages

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  • I do that suit all the time. It's not because I think I'm hot and my looks will carry me. I just geninely don't know how to initiate a conversation.

    Also, what's getting in the way of you talking to him? Why do you sit there and act like a trophy to be won, anyway? You think he's attractive. If that's tinder, you both swiped right. Talk to him.

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    • Talk to him about what? He didn't start a conversation. Why should I persist with a man who has the conversation skills of an 8 month old?

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    • I didn't start the conversation. Dont insult me if you can't be bothered reading the post.

    • You might wanna put on bold print which one u are. cause I just thought u were the one in grey. ignore what I said

  • And why we should spend an effort just to make your majesty responsive,
    for only a beginning of a conversation?

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    • Because I'm a really nice person if you take the time or make any effort to find out.

      Why should I put any effort into a guy who can't be fucked starting a conversation?

      You're one of those whiners who think women in dating apps are self entitled.

      Actually, both men and women are entitled to someone actually bothering to read their profile and considering what they're going to say before making contact.

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    • @beerynice ok why are you just tossing all the blame on the guy? you didn't exactly start off well either.2nd why are u so hung up on this one guy? you're on a dating app. cany you just move on to someone else. its that simple

    • You're not getting a boyfriend acting like this. i think you scare men away you're too overpowering, demanding, yet do little yourself. maybe he's just not into u?

  • if I were to ask "what would you expect them to say?" you'd probably draw a blank or come up with a vague answer like "something more thoughtful." But you can't really write a vague concept as a coherent message. You have to choose specific words to type out. That 'blank' you draw is the same blank they draw when figuring out what to type to you.

    'Tis the peril of attempting to make conversation with a complete stranger..

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    • I've answered this question to other people and given some easy examples.

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    • I don't know. All the guys I've met have expected it

    • I think this might be an indicator of who I am and who the men are that I'm willing to date.

      I'm not an entitled princess, but I'm an intelligent, independent woman who owns my own home and car and can pay my own way, so I'm not interested in a half-witted pleb who can't express themselves.

  • OK let me get this straight: on a dating app someone actually contacted you first and you're complaining that they expect you to do all the work?

    I'm currently using a couple of dating apps. I haven't once been contacted first. Of all those I've contacted, some I've written quite inventive introductions raising hopeful talking points etc, some I've just said hi, or complimented them and I've got back responses around 1 in 8 times. Usually it's a one word reply simply answering the question or saying thanks and I receive it maybe 2 to 3 hours after contacting them myself.

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    • I'll do half the work. If he shows any inkling of effort it's fine. I've met quite a few men from dating apps. If they interest me, we might talk for 20 minutes and decide right then to have dinner that night.

      I'm not stuffing around on dating apps.

      But every time a guy just says "hey" this is exactly what happens.

      And this guy is young, extremely attractive and no doubt looking for a hook up. I was willing to see if he would exceed my expectations. He did not.

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    • The reason why I ask is this:

      I suspect that most women, certainly any attractive woman is kept more than adequately occupied just by checking out all the profiles of guys who have shown some interest in them first. The problem with that is that you are giving most of your attentyiif not all to the guys who attach greatest importance to physical attraction and spend least time reading profiles. Women always complain that men's criteria is shallow so why allow those criteria to determine the subset of profiles you encounter?

    • Not at all for me. I prefer an active approach.

      I ignore 90% of the men who like me, other than a quick glance, because so many are outside my search parameters in age or looks.

      Sorry to say but yes, I do base my matches on appearance but you might be surprised by who I am attracted to.

      So I rely on my own search and I approach men. Many of my dates have been with men that I contacted first.

  • that guy is either lazy or busy. regardless, welcome to the club; i get that all the time from girls on tinder and elsewhere; not interested in putting in any conversation, just want to collect matches.

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  • I sometimes answer like this. Usually after I've sent 6 well thought out messages and got nowhere.

    If he's a pretty boy he's probably got someone he likes more and just keeping a little contact incase that falls through

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  • I don't think you've spoken long enough to determine who's "making. all the effort".. girls expect this like long personal message but, from. a guys perspective, when you do that 10 or.20 times and still get no response then it really becomes a waste of time. Now, if he's like super attractive then yea, he might not ever get to that point because he knows he doesn't need to. Funny how you responded to his "hey" simply because he's attractive. You should try that with every "passable" guy and then you might find that kind of effort you deserve

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  • So you don't put much effort on this either. Have you ever tought that maybe you should? Stop being stubborn and start a real conversation if you want one.

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    • This case was an experiment to see what would happen if I replied in the same lame way.

      My usual approach to online dating is very different.

      I'm sharing it to show why you don't say "hello"

  • Well you can say "hello" on a dating app. Its not illegal. Case in point: that above exchange. Clearly you can just say "hello" and get a response no less.

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    • What's the point? I can get a response from someone in the street by slapping them. There's no challenge in that.

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    • I get responses. It's not me with the shitty conversation skills.

    • Clearly

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What Girls Said 1

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