To date someone who's just fine, or to hold out for someone I really have strong feelings for?

I've been single for a while. I have trouble meeting people because I don't go out much, and I'm not very into online dating (tried it, felt too artificial). There's a guy in my friend group who I think likes me, and he's alright, but I really don't feel much toward him. I wish I did, since he seems like a kind and decent guy, but I just don't feel it. Ideally, I want to be with someone who I really like and admire, who I can talk for a solid hour about all the things I love about him. I dated a guy earlier this year who I felt that way about, but he broke it off after about a month (we had also been friends for a while).

Is it realistic to find a guy who really impresses me with how great he is? Or should I settle for a guy I just feel okay about, and hope that my feelings grow over time?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Never settle for something you dont feel strongly about, but also be realistic. The ideal person is just that: an ideal. gotta separate the individual from this ideal and just pick someone who challenges you.

    also, im not gonna pretend i know you, but im getting weird vibes from how you phrase things. if you're looking for an amazing person to fawn over it won't happen unless you're that amazing yourself. nobody wants to have a fan as a partner, they want an equal

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    • well some does, artist for instance , they want a fan, not an equal. Maybe she would fit an artist
      I had the same vibe as you regarding the phrasing

    • I just want a partner who I feel a strong respect and admiration for. Likewise, I'd want my partner to feel the same sense of admiration towards me. That's not to say either of us have to be "amazing," but we should each possess qualities that the other values.

      My last long term relationship was with a guy I just didn't respect. I hated being serious with a guy who I had such a hard time saying positive things about. That was most of the reason I left.

    • that's sounds about fair enough , you should always be with someone whom you respect and admire..
      though you will have to learn to not idolize a man , truth is , younger i was like you , but to be honest , i fell off since.
      keep in mind that guys are big baby, they are mainly good to admire because they had the chance to be with an amazing woman that teach them.
      So you have to be amazing and teach a guy. basically.
      Guys are not magically admirable. they either had a badass mother , or a badass girlfriend before. full stop

      many guys I find lame back in the days , are now awesome because they had the right girlfriend that came at ome point and change them for the best, and they are happy.

Most Helpful Girl

  • If you don't have strong feelings toward him, don't fool him and humiliate him that you and only date with him because there is noone else around. Why did the other one leave you?

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    • Never found out why. He said he just wasn't feeling it.

    • You see, he couldn't stay with you because there were no strong feelings from his part... You see, it doesn''t work.

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What Guys Said 18

  • Your "feelings" should have a "balance" to them. On one hand you don't want to settle and on the other you don't want to go so crazy over heels for someone that you might throw common sense out the window. I think you need to find a good mix of both which is called "potential." Potential is someone that is a step above "just settling." So divide the guys into 2 groups... Friends only and potentials. This way it is a bit more clear on who you want to put your energy into for a possible partner.

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  • its called compromise. Your not going to find someone perfect just for you. If you did, he is taken or not interested in you. Its called compromise. Find someone that you are comfortable with and someone who makes you happy. Do not look for someone who is perfect. Prince charming had his imperfections too!

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  • It depends on What you mesn by justvfine. I was lucky enough to get with a just fine girl and she was smokin, and I Also skipped a just fine girl who was hot as :€&:/ just for another who I bad feeling too.
    So If There is attraction with just fine gonwith that sometimes itnwill be for better than the originaal.

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  • Since you have so much trouble meeting people, it wouldn't hurt you to go out on a few dates with people you like. Not only would it help your social skills and exposure but it may just get you out of a rut and just by accident you may have some fun. The more people you see the better chance you have of meeting a person you really are into. I'm NOT saying having lots of random sex either. I'm saying, old fashioned dates, where you go out on the town with somebody and have some fun.

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  • That would be a bit selfish if he feels strongly about you but he's just a guy you're with because there's nothing better around. If you are as adamant about finding someone because it means a great deal then I suggest you put more effort and time into scenarios that put you out there. For example social gatherings with friends where 3rd party friends are there, or join a hobby or club that you enjoy where there are new people, example a dancing class etc...

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  • Don't settle. It's not fair to you and it's not fair to the guy you consider just "fine". Let him be free to meet a girl who thinks the world of him too.

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  • Translation: I want a great guy but I'm not willing to put in effort to find one.

    Start going out more and you'll meet more people, get more numbers from guys so you can pick the better ones to date.

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  • Well don't ever get with someone who you aren't attracted to. You'll only put yourself and your partner in an uncomfortable and awkward position. Life is also too short for you to just settle with "just okay" lol that's my opinion at least. You should be with someone who you deeply care about and someone who makes you feel special, and you shouldn't settle for less. What do i know though lol i've been single all my life so far xD

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  • You can always "try" him. Some guys need some time to open up and be that guy you are looking for. But honestly, if you start comparing him to someone you alredy know, maybe you should take it slow and not give anyone any false hope

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  • Never settle. You will find a partner that you seek.

    I have been divorced two times. The first woman was the most beautiul woman I ever dated and married her for her beauty. That marriage did not end well.

    My second marriage was with a woman who was my opposite. I thought we go long well. And we did. For a while.

    The only woman I really ever felt a lasting spark with lives 1,240 miles from me. Both of our careers prevented us to be together. Eventually we realized this was not going to happen.

    It has been around 8 years since we last seen each other. We still communicate on occasion. Of all the women I have known and dated she is the one who touched my soul in a unique way. And I still think of her every day. If I knew she was going to have this effect on me all these years I would have quit my fancy job and moved south to live with her.

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  • Never lower yourself. Stay alone a little longer if necessary, but follow your heart only. Good luck ♥

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  • Prime example of why it's good to see other people, rather than anchoring yourself to one person when yoire

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    • Accidental send:

      when you're just getting to know them. You shouldn't settle, but you also shouldn't be a hopeless romantic about it. There are more options than 1. Settle with slop and 2. Wait for an amazing stranger to find you and sweep you off your feet.

  • true feelings are hard to conceal and destroy... stick with heart... fine people are fine but they aren't necessary

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  • Strong feelings. Play the game to fet comfortable with your first choice

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  • Two centuries ago, free people who lived outside of cities (most people) married whomever was nearby. If you lived in Massachusetts, you might have some choice. If you lived in the new State of Illinois, or worse, on the frontier, you might be hard pressed to find anyone single of the opposite sex who wasn't your relative. (and first cousins often married).

    Love wasn't a concern, survival was. A married couple had a much better opportunity for a decent life than a single person, plus sex was included.

    Today, people have this notion of love. Love doesn't last, or at least it changes dramatically over time, and you hope you are left with a good partner and friend.

    You may be able to find a better match, one that gives you that feeling of love, but at the same time, you are limiting your search pool, making it difficult.

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  • I believe in destiny. There's someone for everyone.

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  • Dont lower your standards for ugly guys like me

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  • Its dating, its' not a life time commitment.

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What Girls Said 8

  • I'd like to ask: What's wrong with being single? What's the point in dating someone if you're not into him? What a waste of time.

    Girl, take it easy, you're eventually going to meet someone you'll fall in love with.

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    • I really hope so... It's just, I'm 25 already so I'm kinda worried haha (probably ridiculous but you know)

  • I'm in a similar situation. The guy I'm with now is great. There's really nothing wrong with him. He's smart, kind, gorgeous, fun to be with. But for some reason he doesn't drive me wild.

    But I'm giving it a go, because some part of me tells me this is a healthy relationship for as long as it lasts.

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  • If you feel fun to go out with him, then date him,
    Otherwise, you can have fun by yourself, or make gal friends.
    I don't think dating a guy you have no chemistry will do good to you.

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  • Don't hold out, it never works. I held out for a guy for years, after finally admitting it he admitted he wasn't interested. I moved on and found a great man.

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  • It sounds like you are putting pressure on yourself to find someone serious. Lighten up a bit and just go out and meet people. Meet lots of people and see what happens.

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  • You can't force feelings and it isn't fair to the other person to pretend there is something there when there isn't.

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  • Wait for someone that you have strong feelings for. Else, you will be settling and it might not even last.

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  • Never date someone you don't like.

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