Would you lower your standards for the sake of settling down?

  • Yes
    Vote A
  • No
    Vote B
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Are you starting to hear the biological clock ticking?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Settling just to settle down is really messed up and is extremely hurtful and dishonest to the person you decided to get with. This person entered a relationship to be with them to because they actually love them and have a connection, but the other person only got with them cause they didn't have any other options available. To me that says if someone better had came a long, we wouldn't be together cause you would have been with them instead. Settling is never good cause chances are as soon as you get married to that person or enter a relationship with them, the real person you actually want and connect comes a long. And then you're stuck between a rock and hard place, and on top of that your SO is in this fake blissful relationship they have no idea that is a complete lie from the beginning. If found out someone was settling for me, I would be highly hurt and call the relationship and tell them to stop wasting people's time and start going for what they really want in life.

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What Guys Said 120

  • Taking what I can get is not an option for me. And to "settle down" like that would be worse than doing it for sex.

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  • Yeah, I might on a few things, but some things I wouldn't lower my standards on (the most important things).

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  • I think to some extent, people always settle. No one lives up to our perfect ideal mate. That is okay. Although this might come off a bit sexist, I do believe women look to have most of their boxes ticked or otherwise they won't be satisfied. Maybe it is just me, but I think men are far more simple in terms of what satisfies them.

    When we are more realistic about what another person can provide, what we can provide, relationships tend to be stronger. After all, we are all imperfect human beings, we are all failable. That is what makes us relatable. We may think we know what we want, but in reality, all of that can go out the window when feelings get involved. We are more than a sum of our parts.

    Would I lower my standards? I say no, but in reality, I think in some way, we all do, but probably don't realize it at the time. We all want what is best for us, but sometimes it isn't about finding the best, sometimes it is about finding what works. After all, there will always be someone more successful, someone more beautiful, someone who is more giving in the bedroom, someone who is has that one attribute or another that is better or worse than what we currently have.

    If we always look for something better than we can never truly appreciate what we have. We will never stop and smell the roses. The path always becomes nothing more than the way to a destination that we will never truly get to, rather than a journey to be inspired by.

    I look for inspiration in people, even those who I care about. I'd settle for inspiration, as long as that person is sparks something within me, makes everything more vibrant, unlocks the doors within that even I didn't realize was there. The thing is, despite what we think we see in others, we never know who will have those keys.

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    • It's obvious that the likelihood of finding someone who literally ticks every single mental box you have of what makes a partner perfect is pretty impossible. So in that regard, yes, we do compromise and pick partners based on who has as many boxes ticked. But that's not what I believe settling is, that's just being realistic. Settling is when you know that the person has/does MANY things that you simply cannot accept, but you decide to be with them anyway out of convenience, security, etc.
      You say guys are simple in the sense that they apparently have lower standards and are happy/satisfied that way, but I'd have to disagree. I've seen and heard of maaaany relationships that failed because the guys just stopped caring and stopped putting effort into the relationship. Like it got to the point where they would barely even care if their partner went out and cheated on them. That simply doesn't happen if you're with someone you think is a catch, someone who meets your standards.

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    • As for women lowering standards, maybe it is because many of the guys who they are attracted to aren't available or don't want to commit. So they have to settle with a guy who matches up with them in terms of values, goals, interests, etc. but isn't their ideal in terms of attraction.

      I suppose guys do this too, but then, it comes back to my original statement, that people may be surprised what they can actually be attracted to. Even though a prospect might not tick all the boxes, might not be their ideal in terms of attractiveness, they may grow to be attracted.

      I have seen this with friends. A man and a woman might be friends for years, get along so well, but don't consider each other because they aren't attracted. They don't meet each other's standards (or could be one-sided), but then one day, they become attracted.

      Imagine meeting a guy who you didn't immediately fall for, no sparks, but then after being friends with for a while, suddenly catch feelings.

    • In a way that would be settling because it goes against what you usual standards are, but as I was pointing out, feelings can change all that.

  • You need to be realistic. That is , don't wait around for the supermodel, genius, billionaire, who wants to rub your feet for 3 hours a day. However, you should never settle. I got pickier as I aged and I eventually married at 34.
    It was worth the wait.

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  • I voted No.

    But in all honesty i'm totally unaware of these dating games. I don't have any physical standards really. Mostly personality. So i'm not sure if i even have a standard or not!

    If personality does count too. Then No. Because for example; politeness is very important for me. I would never ever accept to settle with someone who doesn't practice certain manners, Speak and behave inappropriately and dress inappropriately. Impoliteness is a big no for me. So never.

    Good Luck.

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  • That's the most stupid thing ever. If I'm going to settle down with someone, I'm going to INCREASE my standards. Why would you lower your standards for someone who you're prepared to spend longer with and be more committed to?

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  • I would suggest lowering the standards under a certain circumstance... if they themselves don't meet those standards.

    So an obese, jobless, buffoon with no humor expecting ripped 6-packs, great job, intelligence, and a great humor should probably lower their standards a bit before thinking anyone like that will want anything to do with them to begin with.

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  • I wouldn't advise it !
    In most cases it doesn't work. considering all the divorces, cheating and other dysfunctional marriages !
    I would say don't merry someone UNLESS you are really sure about it.

    Whats the point of marriage if its not going to be good?

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  • This concept never made sense to me.
    The girl I "settle down" with is gonna have to meet some pretty high level shit.

    I mean, this is the chick I'm spending the rest of my days with, right? Why the truck would I find it acceptable that said chick doesn't satisfy me fully?

    That's some bass-akwards thinking.

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    • Exactly my point. There's nothing good about settling down if the person is not worth it. I'd rather stay single.

    • @pleasestopthis
      Which is exactly why I scratch my head with such vigor when I hear this idea of, for example, someone's standards for a ONS being substantially higher than their standards for a relationship.
      So.. the higher up they are, the less seriously you take them?

      Yeah, you know what sounds really fun? Jumping in a bonfire. Hell yeah!

  • Men aren't "settling down " anymore and have given up on long term relationships with women these days.
    www.foxnews.com/.../why-men-wont-marry.html
    www.avoiceformen.com/.../

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  • Maybe someone family dependant or desperate enough would do it, but for most marriage is something important so I'd rather wait and find that special someone that treats me right then get married and divorce after a few years/months

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  • I don't need to - if anything my standards are only going up. I'm an educated man and there's a shortage of educated men relative to educated women in the dating pool nowadays. As I age I've noticed my options have only gone up ironically which means I can afford to be picky

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  • Not on core issues. Maybe you can and should let the little stuff go, the wants. The big stuff, the core issues could never have a dropping of standards. There's too many people, too many dating options to settle.

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  • If you're just going to be with someone for the sake of being in a relationship but you don't feel like they're really right for you, I can (almost) guarantee an unhappy relationship and eventual breakup/divorce will occur.

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  • Personality I like curvy women. But I am not specific at how good looking they are. They need to be just good looking enough nothing extraordinary. But If you want to Seattle I personality think you should be turned on by your partner So I wouldn't comprmoise somethings.

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  • You end up hurting people if you just settle for someone. You have to be absolutely crazy about someone, not "eh, they'll work".

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  • I know many girls do... I see It all the time
    Lets just go for the guy that has his shit together but gives me mediocre romance and spark... but he has his shit so lets leech on him...

    yup see it all the time...
    I know this girl that I never thought would.. but she's with a guy with 2 kids 40 and she's 28 or something lol... and he's not even hot... so it makes no sense
    but he has his shit... so she's leeching of that making it her success too lol..

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    • Hey. We can't settle with pretty boy those can easily cheat. You settle for ugly guys for our own benefit.

  • So I fucked up hard I got married at 19 (a lot of people are prolly going to say I'm retarded which is true but I'm also military so getting married super young happens all the time. I'm divorced now) because for some reason I felt like I wanted to settle down and I lowered my standards and I will never do that again.

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  • You girls love bad boys but when you get older, you look for a good guy but you never deserve them because you just want them because you want to marry, if a girl wants a good guy in her prime time, she deserves having a family.

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  • Everybody settles it some extent. Nobody will ever tick literally every single box, unless you have low standards and only expect her to be blonde or something lol.

    My fiancé is 5’6 when I wanted her to be at least 5’8 but hey ho.

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  • This question is very vague, but I think I get the idea. The reason why I have the standards that I do is that I don't want to deal with a partner that I will inevitably get tired of. That's the reason why my parents were divorced, and I don't want to guarantee that I'll get divorced some day

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  • I'd higher my standards. Because some people simply aren't marriage material, so lowering my standards would increase the chance that the marriage ends in divorce. Especially for marriage, I think it's important to have realistic, high standards.

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  • If settling down means getting married for the sake of getting married? No, I would not lower my standards.

    If settling down means continuing to have consistent sex for the rest of my life? yes, I would lower my standards. Sex is my only excuse.

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  • I think the real problem is that you overestimate yourself and set standards that you can't live up to, since the guy that is in line with your standards will also overestimate you and would have to lower them for you, so why shouldn't you lower yours too?

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  • I have never had a relationship. With retrospect I do believe I had some fine chances in my life but appearantly I wasn't ready. Lower my standards isn't the way to go for me... it must feel good. And if I am not convinced because I settled, I won't be enjoying the relationship and I think that would also be really unfair to the woman in question.

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  • No I think you actually tend to higher your standards but possibly in a different category than you probably would have. As now you are selecting a mate for love and not passion. Someone for the future and not the moment.

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  • I think this question applies more to females than to males. I think males, when it comes to settling down, standards are high, but attainable and not unattainable like a lot of females' are.

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    • Also I think a lot of dudes standards will raise when it comes to settling down because I'd say generally speaking, when it comes to just hooking up or just having sex with someone, guy's standards are lower than females.

  • This question is not too meaningful without knowing what a person’s standards are & how long they have been searching for

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  • That's a fear some men have. That once a hot girl decides to have kids that she will chose a man that she feels can support them but not someone that she's deeply in love with. I've read it on here a number of times, for what its worth

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  • Lol my standards isn't even that high to begin with in my opinion. So nope I won't be lowering my standards any further.

    I'd rather stay single forever than marrying someone I don't really like.

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What Girls Said 58

  • No. It isn't worth it. You'll be unhappy in that relationship anyway.

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  • No, id rather stay alone.

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  • As I've never had a boyfriend at 30, I've had a lot of people tell me that this is what I need to do. Every time I give the same answer:

    No.

    My standards aren't impossible, and I'd rather be single for my whole life than settle down and live with someone that I don't even like/love just for the sake of saying that I have somebody. Why would anyone settle for a lifetime of unhappiness with someone they don't even want to be with?

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  • Why lower your standards for settling down? I think that part of the reason so many people are unhappy in their marriages is because they settled with less because they felt they had to settle down.

    I think it's best to really find someone who you feel you have a connection too and things are going well.

    Don't put up with stuff hoping they will change. I can guarantee they likely won't And then it will be too late.

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  • I chose yes because I use to have high standards\expectations and I might not get what I was looking for. It's good to have standards but reasonable standards. Not everyone is perfect and is going to match what you're looking for sometimes. if there's a few things that they don't have then it's not the end of the world for me. (depending on the situation usually) If this makes any sense lol

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  • I want to say no but let's be completely honest... a lot of girls that are single for a long time start to develop unreal expectations of men. Of course these men don't exist (or are SUPER rare) and so 99% of girls HAVE to settle down. My two cents - I've seen this quite a few times now.

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  • Why would I settle down and spend the rest of my life with someone who doesn't meet my expectations? It's a hell of a commitment, I want to love the person more than anything in the world.

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  • Never. If I lowered my standards it's obvious that eventually I'd become very unhappy and it would end in a divorce. Also I don't think it's fair for the other person that you're *settling* for them, everyone deserves to be with someone they love above all else and think is a catch.

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  • I don't think that would help my standards are already basically non-existent. If I'm ever desperate enough for the idea of a family I can try to meet the conditions of one of the "conditional proposals" I've received over the years... But since I like me and don't really see the need I think I'll just be an old spinster lol

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  • No u wouldn't. I've had lower standards for flings and short terms. If I were to seek a long term love, he'd be held to way higher expectations, and that would kinda suck, but I'll be doing it because I love him damn it.

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  • I know it happens but that's pretty backwards if you ask me. I wouldn't. I could compromise or gain a different point of view, but if I'm convinced that certain traits are toxic for me, I'd rather be lonely but at peace than in a relationship and miserable.

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  • No, because I want be happy and true to myself. Plus, it not fair to the other person.

    Plus, I love sex and I know I can't get aroused by a person who I settled for.

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  • I wish I wouldn’t but I do every time any guy talks to me irl Bc they usually don’t talk to me so I can’t really be picky and I can see myself doing this when things get more serious and I get married one day

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  • no. opposite. id only be in a relationship if it was exceptional. i never intended to have a boyfriend,

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  • No. I would compromise on something here and there if I liked the person, but to completely lower my standards nah

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  • You should never just settle for second best if you have self respect. You can't fully settle and be happy if you are with someone who doesn't make you happy.
    However, there is no such thing as perfection. As Maroon 5 said, "It's not always rainbows and butterflies / it's compromise / it moves us along" if your partner is too perfect for you it's like dating yourself, and those kinds of relationships are boring usually. Your partner won't have the exact same interests as you, won't be perfect in every area, and may even do some annoying things. I select neither vote tbh because I wouldn't lower my standards exponentially for a person but relationships are about compromise and nothing will be perfect.

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  • It'll lead to a broken heart and disappointment. Why "settle"? Why not just live your life until you meet a man that you are attracted to and really do care about.

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  • I wouldn't sacrifice my happiness just for the sake of settling down.

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  • No. Firstly, I'd rather be single. Second, what if later you found someone who was your complete match?

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  • I did that mistake once and ended up for 4 years of misery. Still didn't settle down so i basically wasted 4 years on someone who just sucked out my energy.

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  • No. I think it is important to stick to your own values. If you two really are meant to be, it will happen. Even without needing to adjust your personal values.

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  • I love the peace and freedom I have while being single. I'd never give up on those things unless I find a man that's worth it.

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  • No, there is no need for that, My standards are low enough as it is :) lol

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  • When you want to spend the rest of your life with someone why would you lower your standards.

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  • Nope.

    But you also have to have realistic standards.

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  • I think it's better to enjoy being single than settle with someone whom I don't feel he' s right for me.

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  • I have done that and honestly hurt myself more than anything eles

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  • Never lower your standards. You will only be hurting yourself in the long run.

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  • Depends what lowering your standards means like to what extent?

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  • No, because that's how divorce happens.

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