What are your biggest insecurities when approaching girls/guys?


What are your biggest insecurities when approaching girls/guys?

What are your biggest insecurities?

Have they ever held you back from perusing a relationship?
or held you back from opportunities and social events?

Did you get over your insecurities?
How did you do so?
and any advises on how to overcome them?

Do you think this is one of those situation where the saying "Fake it until you make it" should be applied?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Okay. Let's say scars. Many girls consider scars/ birth marks/ stretch marks etc... to be an insecurity because they make then seem less sexy. They actually make you seem more sexy. And any mental insecurity like sounding stupid infront of people you adore is also our fault because we look at them in a pessimistic way. You get me?

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    • Insecurities are just a mental barrier. If you can actually think analytically you'll find there are no insecurities. If you would like we can speak of them.

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What Guys Said 338

  • Is she going to like what I say? Will I hit it off with her? These insecurities have never stopped me from talking to a woman, though.

    My advice to overcome the insecurities is: you're attracted to her and if you're successful, she'll be your girlfriend. If you don't try because you're too insecure, you've definitely failed, whereas if you do try, you have a chance.

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  • 4.5 years ago, July 5th 2013, the person I loved more than life itself, betrayed me beyond anything you could imagine and ripped my family apart. I opened myself up to her about everything, including the abuse I suffered as a child, and turned around and blasted it to the world. I have been alone ever since, it is just me and my 4 year old son. I will most likely be alone for the rest of my life now.

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    • What happened was indeed horrible, but there are a lot of good people out there who would love every single detail about you and wouldn't dare betray you.
      Don't let her take away your happiness
      You deserve to have happiness with someone else, and I'm glad you have your little boy with you ❤

  • I removed my insecurities back in High School when I was 17 I believe. I heard something online and started to try it. Every day, once a day (Usually in the morning) when I was in front of the mirror, I would look right at myself and say "You are attractive." That's it. Nothing more. Its was just an experiment, but it actually worked. I started see myself for who I turly was as an attractive individual. This started boosting my confidence, then I started performing well in life and started to realize how amazing of a person I am. I really am capable of anything I set my mind to.

    However, when it pertains to girls, I cower. Not because of insecurities, but I fear the pain of rejection, and I feel females can often be so judgement so quickly they never get to see how awesome I really am.
    Rejection has hurt me so much in my experience that I am terrified of it. I haven't asked a female out in years now, but I yearn for a relationship or a date so badly. I am actually not sure what to do anymore. :/

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  • My biggest insecurities, it has to be always giving my all, always being the only one who cares & getting nothing.. Always the only one who is trying to make things work.. That's what i'm afraid of hapening everytime i try to approach a girl. Cause i know how much it hurts & really tired of being the only one who is trying..
    Even though i don't have the looks either. But i know it's not the reason & actually my looks is just normal, not that good & not that bad.

    I admit that i had some thoughts that made me think i'll never be able to find someone & that stuff.. But still, after all these years, i'm still trying, & it never held me back from anything. Actually, in the last few months, it gave me more confidence in myself. And all these failures, i'm learning from them, plus they are life experiences.

    So i always say to myself, that in the end all these insecurities & overthinking aren't worth it anymore. I'm in control of my life, & i'll keep doing the best i can & i'm always being myself, the one who is meant to be will find it's way.

    All you have to do is, trust yourself, know what you really want, and if there is something that you know you're doing wrong, admit it & try everything you can to change it for best. In the end you will overcome your insecurities, but always remember that when you fail, it was an experience, learn from it & never make it control you, and always be yourself.

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  • Insecurities.. Is a bad way to think about your own thinking/beliefs/fears... You are already assuming you can force an outcome with pure confident certainty.. This is a bad way to frame life.. You do something, you can never know for sure how it will go, what can happen and what will come of it.. Focus on what you cab learn from lived experiences, which happens after doing things.. Not anticipating perfectly before.. Maybe you cab do things with the consciousness that your behavior is the answer for your own questions.. Rather than existing life to mirror your own expectations as they relate to your self-esteem.. Which is the modern word for an obsession with one's own vainglory and pride.. So fearful of experiencing or anticipating that the pride might become wounded... This will lead you down into the cult of social justice crutch-activism, unless you think about your life on different terms, framing your consciousness as the thing that defines your identity, and not your experiences, or the outcomes of your experiences..

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  • I did get shellshock once for about a year. The problem was that I had fallen into love so fast and so hard that when she died I was crushed. Because she had died as a result of a motorcycle accident and I was the driver, I was quite hesitant to date again.

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    • Oh that's horrible. I hope you find strength to find the right girl and the strength to move on

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    • OMG. You should give yourself plenty of time to move on. Don’t pressure yourself to try to make dating feel normal before you are ready. How long has it been?

  • As much as I am trying to improve my mindset, become a stronger version of my self every day, and by extension improving my love life, I still have insecurities. I still wonder what a woman will see in me. I still feel like I lack something. Am I going to be funny enough? Will she like me? I tend to be on edge with strangers, and I always tell myself she will pick that up and I will make a bad impression. I see the kind of guys that associate with her, and I wonder why she would pick a guy like me versus them. Maybe they appear more confident. Maybe they have a great rapport, how at ease they are together, teasing each other, joking around. I wonder if I could pull that off, or even how they got to that point. Of course, I still wonder if she is right for me, but then again, I have been given very little proof that I am in demand, that a woman imagines herself with me.

    Don't get me wrong, I love myself. I like who I am, treat myself with respect, stand up for my beliefs. I am no doormat. However, loving myself and a woman being attracted and desiring me are two different things.

    For many guys who don't have a lot of relationships, or maybe never had one, it is hard to imagine being desired in that way, especially by women you are interested in. OR, you do imagine it, but it feels like a dream, one that isn't based on reality, almost akin to gaining superpowers overnight.

    Of course this illogical. I have had a girlfriend and a few flings. I realize that a man should have nothing to prove, that he should accept himself as he is, that he shouldn't compare himself, that he shouldn't care about what others think, and the right people will appreciate him. However, those who have little success or don't put themselves out there enough, they don't have the proof they need.

    Relationships are more than just about you, or about them. It is about both people, showing each other their interest. When a guy rarely gets shown that or misses out on it, it is very difficult to have faith. Not impossible, but difficult.

    I have always rooted for the underdog. From my experience though, people aren't attracted to them. Maybe in the movies, the underdog wins. When I see the affable guy light up a woman, it gives me hope, but it is usually dashed when the woman falls for the traditionally charming guy, even if the guy doesn't share the same interest.

    It is that disconnect that keeps me wondering about the future even when I should be in the present moment.

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  • I had a very jacked-up life growing up, and I was full of anxiety, was ugly and skinny, very socially backward, had very few friends, and was just very withdrawn and depressed. I didn’t do ANYTHING in high school, other than show up, do my homework, take tests, and pass on to the next grade. There were various bullies to deal with or avoid, and girls, who at best, just ignored me, or at worst, made fun of me. I didn’t even talk to girls, because I didn’t really know what to say to them, and I was also simply afraid of them. I thought they were too far above me to even approach. Of course, since I wasn’t chasing after girls, I was assumed to be gay. Another insult to dump on me.

    A couple of years after graduating, things started to get better. I got a new job, moved away from my parents (I NEEDED to get away from them), decompressed, did a lot of growing up, and started doing things I wanted to do, which gave me a feeling of accomplishment and self-confidence. I started going to parties, did inner-tubing down creeks with friends, and took up ice skating lessons. Along the way, girls just kind of floated in and out of the picture. I'd talk to them, maybe become friends with them, or if not, I'd just go back to doing things I wanted to do. I got to where it wasn't a thing to worry about either way, which just made it all easier. By the way, I've been married for 31 years.

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  • My biggest problem is that I can't bring myself to "fake it". I don't act or play a part. I'm not sure if it's something I can't do or something I won't do. It feels like lying and it feels like compromising my integrity. The price paid for this awkwardness/stubbornness whichever you want to see it as is enormous in all areas of life. I'm still trying to work out if it's worth it or not. I don't think I can change now anyway though.

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  • My style and behavior, i have never been successful in approaching and when much younger girls always made fun of me. It gives me this strong insecurity that when approaching she will just mock me and i have no chance.

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What Girls Said 123

  • My fear is that I will say or do something that is unconventional and strange, which will make them look at me like I'm unconventional and strange, which will make me FEEL like I'm unconventional and strange, which will, ultimately, make me have to face my unconventionality and strangeness.
    And that's never a pleasant experience.

    Has this held me back? Many times.
    Does it still hold me back? Not so much anymore. I like to think I've gotten sufficiently adept at following the social script, at least enough to make me pass for conventional and normal.
    But, the discomfort is still there.

    Yes, the principles behind 'practice makes perfect' and 'fake it til you make it' work, but only insofar as in making it LOOK like you're not faking it anymore. I don't think I'll ever get to a state where I've faked it to the point of making myself be perfectly comfortable approaching new people. There's always that fear that they'll see me as the awkward, socially inept person that I am at heart.

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    • I relate to this so much, whenever I meet new people I feel like I'm an alien around humans, it's so obvious and everyone can see it. It frustrates me so much and just makes me wanna hide myself and stay Alone
      But I'm definitely working on it

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    • Oh, awesome! I actually work in the field of forensic psychology, but I double majored in psychology and physics for my undergrad. Just happened to luck out with the former, haha.

    • I have teddy bear syndrome where people treat me like a teddy bear so I feel like nobody sees me romantically and just thinks im a cute plushy to hug and love and friendzone xD

  • I'll get turned down. I've never approached a guy and not got turned down. In fact, a lot of them told me it was weird or acted like they didn't know why I was talking to them and just got up and walked away.

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    • Im tired of chics leading me on. I prefer a girl that comes up to me and flirts.

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    • @Apope16 They actually do lol, I know several men who have actually admitted to turning down a girl because she was too 'attractive' and assumed that she was either a whore or crazy because no one that gorgeous could be single without something being wrong with them.

    • Really? I've never heard of that. I will say I get suspicious when a hot girl talks to me. I talk back and its cool... but... I wonder if she is just leading me on. So my guard is up. Happened to me just the other day.

  • I really don't have any. Not that I don't have my shit but I put that aside when I approach people. I sorta just go for it and hope for the best.

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  • Too many to list

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  • Honestly I have been fighting an eating disorder since I was 5 years old. When I gain weight I feel like my S/O finds me unattractive and fat. Currently at 125 lbs I am far from that but it is still hard for me.

    My son has been another factor, he is special needs and people don’t understand him.

    I have had to work really hard and let go of some of my control on the first one

    Secondly I have had to open up and give people a chance to prove themselves around my son.

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  • It’s funny because I’m very confident with myself, my thoughts and worth. But when you like a person, is a very different story. Personally I start to wonder if he would like me, if I look good and smart enough to get his attention. And that’s how insecurities begin until you find yourself vulnerable and uncertain of your words and actions... very mess up thing!

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  • I'm insecure about my looks and I'm trying to come to the terms with the fact that I am ugly.

    I can count the number of times I've been called beautiful by people other than my family. Not even guys I gave been with/ guy I like now has said it *that* much. And it's okay really

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  • biggest insecurity - a bundle no use mentioning. An insecurity is an insecurity.

    Held me back from chasing someone? no but probably because i never chased per se. The small number of guys I've dated, i spoke enough with to make sure they were real and deep (not shallow) prior to dating them.

    held me back from opportunities - yes, I've always believed that others are bigger and greater than me in whatever it is im doing. which is a bullsh*t mindset. different between now and then...
    then - thats what i thought and sadly believed
    now - although i still think this way i also know now that its bullshit and i am determined to overcome it.
    social events? nope

    have i overcome it? some. not all. so i guess the answer is yes. however there are still some that are terribly difficult but i am sticking by it and strongly believe i can overcome all of em :) i dunno when but i will.
    how? The power is in your hands. We are the leaders of what we feel.
    so... BELIEVE YOU CAN, SET A TARGET AND DONT LET NO MOFO GET IN THE WAY OF THAT. whenever you think of what you classify an "insecurity" turn it around and shed light on it in your mind. (i know u know what i mean)

    advice 👆

    do i think this is one of them things "fake it till you make it" applies? Yeah, NOOOOO.
    be real ain't nothing else more important than whats real. You dont wanna highlight or welcome anything fake in your life.
    it won't only be a waste of your time but itd also be movement BUT IN THE WRONG DIRECTION.

    you got this 👊

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  • Well, I'm quite "Happy-go-Lucky" kinda person. and I don't pressure thinking what generally people think about me (even while approaching any Guy or a Gal), unless they really matter to me, which is not the case till date. Resultantly, I don't carry any major insecurity that could be worth sharing; at least till now. Cheers. 😇💕

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  • My nose. It's big😀. But i stopped worrying about it now, but cannot forget the fact that i have a huge nose.

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    • I have a big nose too, I just try to make myself see it as something authentic and different
      Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't

    • True. These days we are supposed to love ourselves more than anything else.

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