Clearly, you girls must enjoy being single and alone since you won't go out with me.. right?

Venting about being single, appreciate your advice.
32 yo, divorced, 5'11, college soccer player, MBA, steady career, paid off vehicle, church member, love kids and animals
207 matches on Tinder... what's up with girls not responding to a "Hey", "Hi", "How's it going?" after we match?
I've pursued/asked out 3 younger women at my church and have been rebuffed by all of them.
Have flat out asked other girls out and been met with a resounding "No".
I guess I'm not the best at understanding the "flow" of building attraction (flirting) leading up to going out and I know I can come on strong sometimes, but in this case, doesn't the end justify the means? I know I'm a bit of a fixer-upper in some areas, but aren't we all? Isn't that something that being in a relationship helps remedy? Why can't girls just get out of their own way and go out with me so they don't have to be alone? It just must not bother them that much. What do you think?


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What Girls Said 3

  • I have mixed feelings about what you wrote. While I agree that many women nowdays seem to want they think represent the perfect men and lose their patience very quickly, I also think you shouldn't be aiming for the "go out with me so you won't be alone" argument (maybe you are just frustrated and dont actually want them to think like that).

    Sometimes it takes a bit longer to find the right person, whoever she is, but dont you want someone who suits you and likes to be with you for who you are, and not just so they dont feel lonely?

    Maybe you give off that impression? Of just wanting someone, not particularly that person?

    Or maybe you were just venting indeed and I wrote you a text lol sorry

    • Thank you StarSea for the thoughtful feedback!
      Let me go back to my original question.. if I'm indicating interest (flirting, messaging, sending funny memes, asking a girl out) and she says no, then clearly my "process" (or game) was not good enough (or so bad), that she would rather continue to remain single and alone than achieve her end game goal of being with someone. So maybe the guy didn't sweep you off your feet because he's not Rico Suave. So what? Throw the guy a bone, give him a chance, and you'll be surprised at how quickly you forget that he didn't initially seduce you like Christian Grey. Am I wrong here?

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    • Thank you again for another thoughtful response. I believe you're agreeing with me without saying so. I do wish a woman didn't neee to necessarily feel certain feelings to start to enter a relationship. I think the divorce rate for arranged marriages is less than 15%.. based on that I wouldn't say initial feelings about the man are hindering a successful outcome. :)

    • Ah yes, it doesn't surprise me that you are bringing arranged marriage up ahahah.

      I can see your point about giving a chance even if you dont necessarily feel that attracted from the get to go, but really, maybe arranged relationships dont fail because people who start off like that, tend to keep the same reasoning till the end. They dont need to feel love to be content in a relationship, so they dont "miss" it.

      I would think thats not the best relationship to have, or the most fulfilling one, so I understand why others wouldn't be on board :D

      In any case, good luck on finding someone who's after the same thing :)

  • I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way about girls and the dating life. Maybe it's a matter of changing your profile or bio or have a female friend have a look at how you're coming across to girls.

    • Thank you Chipmunk for replying.
      I think my problem has to do more with flirting/seducing/building attraction. I've gotten positive feedback on my profile/pics, I struggle with things like setting up a meetup, walking her to car, second date arrangements. It's frustrating because it seems like girls are so set on following a set of dating rules (which this guy doesn't know) that they won't just help along the process so that it's a win/win situation for both parties (they each now have someone) :)

  • Can I see a picture?


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