I don't know about anyone else but that's girl code for "ask me out" and I've been more assertive with guys lately. He suggested the following day during his lunch and I told him I couldn't do it that day or for the next two because of meetings scheduled and being in and out of the office during lunch. I didn't say that though I used the word "booked".
I gave him two dates in the middle of the week to choose from. He didn't respond. I saw him at a office get together around lunch time as I was sitting by myself looking on my phone. He approaches me saying "you call this busy?" with a sour look on his face. I was kinda shocked that he would talk to me like that and and I felt the need to explain myself for what reason I don't know. I told him I was at the get together because my boss asked me to.
I believe he thought I was blowing him off. We had small talk and he walked off when I was going to ask him about scheduling. Ever since then there is no mention of lunch and I've caught him trying to avoid me. But since we work together I've made it my business to still be friendly and engage. It's like he put a wall up and a part of me is annoyed that he is treating me different but also sad because I thought he was a better guy. Why is he being rude and withdrawn now? I literally did nothing to him. Is he crazy?
Most Helpful Guy
Guys can be quite dense when it comes to picking up signals. Sometimes our shyness comes off aloof, assholish, even downright rude. Little do you know, that guy may have kicked himself in the ass for some of the things he did or said but feels like he ruined everything. Then it just makes his guilt and shame worse, hence why he avoided you. Add to that insecurities, like "she is a coworker, it will never work out" and "I am not good enough for a woman like her" running through his head, and you have a recipe for paralyzing anxiety.
Sucks, but a lot of men AND women have these sort of thoughts. They could be awesome partners once they open up and trust you, but in the short term, their jerk brains (ego) takes over and becomes their worst enemy. It sabotages their happiness (and yours by extension). That is why the ego is an infection of mankind. It is pure insanity.
After re-reading your story, maybe he did think you blew him off. Maybe he is so used to rejection that he is hypersensitive about it.
It isn't your responsibility to reassure a guy, especially one who is still pretty much a stranger. But I think for both sexes, it does help to put ourselves in each other's shoes. Miscommunication, false assumptions, automatic thoughts, our energy in the moment, so many things come off to make our impression on others. We make mistakes all the time and we pick ourselves apart more than anyone else ever could, and little do we know, that the mistakes others make that we easily overlook, they are also overlooked in us.
And our pasts don't define us.
If you still think this guy has potential as a friend or more, I would just tell him that there was a miscommunication or you got off on the wrong foot and you'd like to start over. Then ask him if he'd like to go out and have a few drinks after work some time. It doesn't have to be a date. Keep it friendly. The key is to judge his energy. If he seems sullen, even after extending your hand in "truce", then I wouldn't suggest meeting up at all. BUT, if he does seem optimistic and a bit relieved, then maybe you just made him trust you and be comfortable.
For shy guys, it is all about comfort and trust. You give him that, he will open right up for you.
Trust me, I know I would if I liked you.
- Show AllShow Less