I love my boyfriend, but I really like this other guy... What do I do?

I’m 19, I’ve been with my boyfriend since we were 15 (so, 4 years). We are opposites in almost every way. He and I have some issues, but what couple doesn’t? Overall, I was super happy with him until I met this other guy.

I met him on a college trip that my boyfriend went on as well. He and I hit it off great! We had so much in common life-wise and personality-wise. My boyfriend noticed and got upset because he could tell that I liked him and he thinks the guy liked me too.

My boyfriend is quiet, this guy is outgoing.
My boyfriend doesn’t like crowds/people or going out and doing things, this guy is more adventurous and social.
My boyfriend doesn’t like games, he does.
My boyfriend is kinda tense and has anger issues, the other guy is super carefree and chill.

He was hilarious. He’s super attractive (my boyfriend is too though) and I can’t get him off my mind. He’s everything my boyfriend isn’t, and I didn’t realize until I met him that maybe my boyfriend and I aren’t well-suited for each other.

I’m not sure if that guy had/has feelings for me or not? But now he has a girlfriend. I ran into him tonight though and we talked some and he was so sweet! But it was super awkward. There was a lot of tension and I don’t know why.

Gosh. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to throw away a good thing that I have with my boyfriend, especially if the other guy has a girlfriend and might not even feel the same... But I feel bad that my boyfriend thinks things are fine now and I still can't get the other guy off my mind.

Help?
Updates:
My boyfriend is the only person I have dated. We’re opposites. We don’t have much in common at all, so sometimes I’d rather go out & do something & he doesn’t like that. We also share different values, which causes a lot of fighting & unhappiness. How do I know that my current boyfriend is the one? What if we’re not compatible? Isn’t it better that I realize that now rather than years down the road after I’ve married him? I want him to be happy too, & he may be more happy with someone else too!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You´ve been with the same guy for 4 years. It´s about time you looked for a refreshment. What you´re going through is completely natural. Having a small crush is just nice and you do still realize that it´s nothing compared to what you feel for your boyfriend. Sometimes talking about this stuff to your guy will help. Usually crushes tend to develop in times or argument where your mind starts to look for things that are currently missing. The sad fact is that most couple break up after 3-4 years of dating because they aren´t committed to working this stuff out and start to realize what kind of person they are and what kind of a person compliments our personality the best.
    Before you make any rash decisions, please take some time to really think why you feel something for this guy (on a deeper level) and if there´s a reason why you don´t want to have that with your boyfriend. I strongly advise you to talk to your guy nevertheless

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    • Thank you! That’s really good advice. I appreciate it

    • My only question is, what do i do if I realize that my boyfriend doesn’t really compliment my personality well? I recently talked to my friends and family and they admitted that they really like him, but don’t think we’re suited for each other. I’m afraid in the long term I won’t end up being happy, but right now I’m terrified to lose him.

    • I have had two break ups like this with girls who I was with 3+ years. What we´re mostly afraid of is not actually losing the person we´re with, but the fact that we are alone and the daily routines that will change. A human being wants a stable life with certainty, and that´s why breaking up is one of the hardest things to do. Your comfort zone is currently equal to your relationship and stepping out of it is scary.

      In the back of your mind you have already made the decision. Now you just need to follow through. Being in a relationship with no future just because you´re afraid to leave is not right for anyone. The feeling of being unhappy in the future will only grow and soon it will develop into hate and that´s when people start to say and do things just so the other person would end the relationship because we ourselves can´t do it. I respect you for being honest about your feelings. It´s time to have a serious conversation with your boyfriend and then start the healing process.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Ask yourself if you want to throw away all these years just for a guy you just met, maybe he's not what he really seems like? What if he's just acting nice but in reality he's the complete opposite? You never know. If you truly love your boyfriend you wouldn't catch feelings for another guy therefore my advice would be to ask yourself, are you not trying to make an excuse to break up with him?

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    • I don’t want to throw away what we have and regret it. He is my closest friend. But I’m afraid that even though he is a good guy, he might not be the guy for ME. Do you know what I mean? I think I’ve always wanted this to work so much that I’ve ignored a lot of red flags in the relationship.

    • Then you have to make a choice since no one else will make it for you. Sit back and think what will be the best for you then you'll know if you wanna stay or go

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 17

  • You have lust for the new guy, and love for the boyfriend.

    This is natural, because guess what? We are human.

    I have a fiancé but I fancy loads of women when I go out, and when one is really attractive , I have to go chat to her, if we click she will be on my mind for weeks and I'll lust for her.

    I imagine if my fiance gets chatting to a guy she finds attractive she may too lust for him.

    What is the crime here?

    Society & outdated religious views.

    We live once! We are human. Its about time we wake up a understand that we all just have natural desires to have sex with each other. But if my fiance is having sex with some guy them coming home to me and we are just fine, everything is open and great... There is no problem! I have no problem with this.

    Bottom line is, lust doesn't mean love. Sometimes love is overly confused and circumstantial. You're still young! Be free! Enjoy life. Especially as we literally could die at any moment.

    I see relationships as flawed, selfish and heavily structured for times gone by. Women are far more dependant & society has changed in many ways apart from relationships are still based on unity that doesn't fit in today's world.

    Bottom line. Go have fun, tell this other guy! Maybe you can have something between yourselves. That's OK!

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  • It's past time for you and your boyfriend to try dating other people. "We don't have much in common" -- this is not a good basis for a long-term relationship. You better shop around. He's probably not the one, and as you said, how would you possibly know?

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  • please trust show some faith on you boyfriend you compare your guy to another but after some day the another guy also showing the same behaviour as your boyfriend so i ll suggest you dnt think the another guy make you happy everytime because in starting every guy is good but later after they are changed

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  • This is a prime example of "trading up" and why I am terrified to get in a relationship

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    • So true dude. Girls are never happy with what they have.

    • Show All
    • I’ve been trying really hard this whole relationship to put our differences aside and love him for who he is even though we don’t have a lot in common. But now with all this I don't know

    • I just want to give a different perspective. I agree you need to think about how you feel. But in the long term, it´s the logical reasons that make people stick with each other. Love is a feeling that will be affected by other feelings. If there´s no other reason to be with someone besides the feeling itself, it won´t last. How many times have you seen a couple who are an awfull match, want different things in life, but stick together because they love each other so much? Yeah... 0 (They might be able to be together for X amount of time, but will break up later 100%)

  • Just move on clearly you and your boyfriend were just a high school thing and you trying to branch off mature thing to do leave him and try things out or you can do what you're secretly planning on and try and get the other guy then move on sounds like you have a lot to learn

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  • You are thinking way too much. See it is natural to get attracted to someone who is different but that is attraction what you hold is something more pleasant. Don't forget that

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  • You are already doubting what you have with your current boyfriend and I'd say that when that happens you need to take your time and feel. I don't care about the other guy I honestly think that is already gone but when you begin to have these thoughts you will only meet more and more guys who you think are better than your boyfriend.

    So you really need to feel if he makes you happy and if you actually love him. If you really do love him you wouldn't consider going to someone else. You are right though that sometimes you don't match each other and maybe that is true but when you love someone you would leave without going to someone new the next day or for a long time because it should hurt. Losing the one you love should hurt.

    Just take a moment and feel if you are happy or not.

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  • Hmmm By now you should have come to know if you are truly compatible with each other... If not there are tips I can give and help you with
    (Pls stop thinking about new boy for sometime and read below)
    1. Recollect your memory of how you met your current boyfriend. Was it a kickstrt or probably just frndship and then you bith fell into love...
    2. ASK yourself this q tht Why do I like/love my current boyfriend. Think of the reasons and write them down.
    3. Do you really loved him?
    4. Not being compatible at all but trying to adjust are too diff things. Does your boyfriend AlWaYs follows his own mind or does he sometime adjust for your love❤️
    5. Think of the time you both have spent together.
    6. Do you really want your current boyfriend to be in your life FOREVER or not is the last q yyou will ask yourself...
    If the ans to most of the q is +ve and you feel a bit comfy while recollecting all the moments then your current boyfriend is the perfect one... Or else if NO Then MAYBE the new boy

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  • if you love 2 people at the same time, then go for the second one, because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't fall for the second one

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  • Sounds like you don't love your current boyfriend.

    Just whatever you do, don't cheat.

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  • This whole post is you asking permission to leave your boyfriend and go with this guy. You've already moved on in your mind, you're clearly fantasizing about being with him. You're 19, you are bound to want to discover other people. The reason things were awkward could be that your both attracted to each other but can't show it bc your with someone else. Maybe you just need to lay it out there with him and tell him that you think there is good chemistry between you and see what he says. If he agrees but wants to do a side thing or chest, then it's a bad idea and you need to stay away, but if he agrees and is willing to do things the right way, you're clearly looking for a change. You aren't a bad person for this. You're 19, trying to be with one person only from the beginning is cute but not practical.

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  • Fuck them both as much as possible. Take as many cocks inside you as possible as often as you can

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  • 9818180517 call me text me whats app me & have solutions

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  • Instead of searching for such qualities in the other guys help your boyfriend to develop it.

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  • Means you like to try sex with that guy, go and do it and then see what you actually liked in him

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  • Stay loyal

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  • Leave your boyfriend

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What Girls Said 3

  • I would love to say follow ur heart, but when you actually date the other guy for a while u will realise that he is not that special after all. And maybe he is not interested in you. Its ur choice but think smart, just wait for a bit more maybe u'll find an answer.

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  • Honestly. If you are unsure then don't do it. There's a reason why you're still with him, maybe you're just hoping things will get better between you two at some point in life? Or go back to what it was like when you started dating? That hype happiness. If your boyfriend isn't doing anything wrong to hurt you then you're good. But talk things over with him and tell him how you feel (not exactly cause he'll get mad) but more about how you don't like arguing all the time, I think he'll understand over time and appreciate how you've stood by him even when there was clearly someone you had thoughts about. You also have to realize that not everyone is what they seem on the outside. They might be cool and outgoing but they could be a cheater and won't last in long relationships. (You never know, not trying to say it'll go sour) but give your boyfriend a chance to change his bad habits and talk things over before breaking up, especially if you see him as a good friendship too.

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  • If u really loved ur boyfriend you wouldn't fall in love with the other one. Break up.

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